A Bad Fall

I'm going to keep this in the order that events took place. I have generally been adding material as events occur so I'd rather continue that. There was no blog last Sunday because I had surgery that day. The specifics you will get below.

One of my sisters expressed alarm at what I was writing believing that my situation wasn't looking good thinking that I might be actively dying because the writing in my last blog seemed very negative to her. I would like to assure you I am not actively dying at this point. I just know this is my future (as it is for all of us) and I have decided to talk about my situation, what I'm thinking, reading and discussing regarding the subject of death and dying.  So, this is not meant to alarm people, however, I believe this is a common response of many people because of the difficulty of this subject in the American culture. We are so far removed from this until something happens and many people who can be further removed excise themselves from these situations to get back to a life not disturbed by difficult subjects. My thought was the more you inundate yourself in this, the less scary it is. I also don't want to pretend all is okay and be hit again with the news "it's back", and be stunned by this. Two times of that was enough, and I had more than that. This is a much better way for me, and I believe a lot of people around me, so we can be open and support each other in tough times.

B. Smith was on CBS News Sunday Morning. A once fabulous chef, dealing with Early Alzheimer's now.  She and her husband are shining the light on dealing with Alzheimer's and taking it out of the closet.  We need more people to share their experiences to help others going through a difficult time whatever the situation.  There are other people who need to hear so they are encouraged to talk and get the support they need.  I appreciate those willing to be so open which helps others to do the same. Follow the link below to see the news item. It was well presented.

B. Smith and Her Diagnosis of Alzheimers


I had a pleasant talk on the phone with my daughter Ronda Sheldon who had bought her dress for the wedding suggesting we use the hot tub at the hotel.  She will leave early the day of the wedding with Billy to help in setting up.  My plan was to go a little later, check in to the hotel and be there an hour before the wedding. She also plans to see her biological brother and sister while she is here. She's going to be one busy woman!  But she's younger and can handle it.

Talked with my step-mom Kate Gaman. She is in the midst of doing a major kitchen remodel in her home. She plans on sending pictures. The cupboards and many of the appliances are there being stored in her garage and brought in as they are ready to deal with the next step.  Her car is about to be squeezed out of her garage. In the mean time, she has had much "stuff" hauled away. She has boxed what she has in the kitchen, but while doing this has found more "stuff" to get rid of perhaps by hauling. For me, it has been moving that caused me to get rid of the most.  When I decided to go through my pictures, I got rid of a trash can full of pictures; not the people shots, but places I had been. I have saved some for drawing at a later date.  This process has discombobulated her and her cats. It is stretching out much longer than she understood and costs have gone up as problems have occurred such as plumbing issues.  I understand that this is so common with remodel projects. My concern is that she feel free to use her monies saved for retirement if she needs.  It is her money.

Gutted Kitchen

Cupboards Going In

Had my last session with Norma Neil,  Used pastels and some water to soften it. Sister Sherry is leaving The Art for Healing program.  Several of us decided to put a picture that we each did in this class on cards we will give her.  We are thanking her for what she did because we all felt we had experiences that were good for each of us in growing and healing. She is the one that made it happen.  Below are the leaves I did with pastels, wet and dry.

My brother Ben and I have talked about getting together this year, but this time I would go see him in Connecticut.  We agreed to September for about a week and I'll work on that.  He's doing well. I enjoyed talking with him and look forward to the visit.

My art class with Carol Bradshaw was very good.  Carol, my fellow classmates Deb and Wayne were soooo complementary of my beach scene. Even my step mom Kate thought it was very good; they were saying it was "artistic, had attitude and panache". These are very overwhelming words when you see the detailed work these people do. I love what they all do. Okay, so I'm trying to own it. The big thing for me was that I never thought I could do this.  I'm also having my pine cone framed. I have framed some photographs I have taken, but this is a first for drawing.

Beach

Jury Duty was delayed, so it didn't affect my ability to attend my art session and class.  I was very happy about that.  However, on the day that I was told to return to a specific court room for jury selection, June 19,  I fell on my driveway walking back up to the house. My driveway is relatively steep and I was wearing sandals  with a two inch or so block heal. I fell off the side of these shoes (really nothing unusual for me). I tried to get up and was having a lot of pain in my wrist. Periodically I was seeing blood pool out and then I became aware that my wrist seemed completely detached from my hand and even my arm. It so freaked me out I wanted to throw my hand away from me but realized I would cause myself more problems if I did that. My adrenalin was running very high and I was able to get up. I went in my house looking for my cell phone. I didn't just locate it. I was hyperventilating and forced myself to breathe more normally.  Finally located it and called Shelley, at her work. She wasn't in at the moment by was expected at any moment.  I described my situation and believed the man understood it was serious. Shelley called back quite fast and she said she would be right over.

I sat with paper towels over it to attempt to keep the blood under control.  When she got there, she said, "yep, I think we have to go to the ER".  I still had on my pajamas and a robe. I couldn't see how I could get out of this myself.  So this is what I wore until I was finally admitted to a hospital two days later.

So in the ER they saw it was bad and took me back right away.  I was put on an IV pain med which helped immensely.  During our wait, we called the courthouse and let them know I wouldn't be back and why. Shelley wrote a short status report for Facebook and my blog letting them know I probably wouldn't have a post that Sunday. We also called family and some friends to let them know.  Finally they rounded up several people and they said they were going to put the bones where they needed to be. They assured me I'd be out but that it would go fast about 20 minutes. I have no memory of closing my eyes. I felt I was in a spaceship with very bright lights and I heard talking but couldn't make sense of what I heard.  Little by little I could identify where I was and what they were saying. I was shocked to look at my arm and see it wrapped up. They said I would be discharged home with oral antibiotics since it was an open fracture.  We were also told to call Kaiser Permanente to see an orthopedic surgeon who deals with hands.

Shelley called when we got home to get a surgeon. Shelley situated me in bed while she went to pick up pain medication and antibiotics.

We weren't called back by Kaiser and I called at one pm the next day, Friday.  They gave me the name of Dr Wong and made an appointment for Saturday at nine am. I was told not to eat or drink after midnight in case I went into surgery. Okay   So this is set up. In the mean time my arm really hurts and I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. I call my friend Barbara Long to come over and see if she thought it was a problem. She agreed we needed to go to Urgent Care. We didn't have to wait long. I said I wanted my arm re-wrapped very lightly. This doctor was afraid of something being cut or put in the wrong place. We asked if circulation could cause a problem too and he said yes. "Then I want this loosened now". He took me to another room and asked me to lie on my stomach. He thought if my arm was pulled down, it was less likely to cause a problem. With my friend overseeing this and two other staff helping, he got below the table to unwrap and rewrap. Though my fingers remained swollen, I didn't feel they were going to fall off. Barbara and I stopped at a coffee shop for food. I had not eaten, but I didn't think I could. I had a tuna sandwich and when I got home, I crawled in bed and was out.

Shelley picked me up the next morning and we went to see Dr. Wong. He said I should have been admitted to the hospital from the ER because it was an open fracture. He wanted me admitted to another hospital where he had admitting privileges. It turned out I couldn't have surgery that day because I take Coumadin for a blood clot. They decided they would give me frozen packed plasma to lower my Coumadin level that day at the hospital and then have surgery eight am on Sunday.  I was in that ER for hours.  My friend Janet Seinturier said "take a pain pill!!"  Believe it or not, it seemed the closest water fountain was in the lobby to the hospital!  I thought fountains would be more convenient. My friends Sherry Dolan and Valerie Slocum dropped by hen I was in an actual ER room with a gurney. I got a bed late in the evening.  IVs were started for pain and antibiotics. Much later I was given the frozen packed plasma.  I guess there were no other surgeries scheduled the next day, so I waited on a gurney in the halls of the surgery suites. I was introduced to people and then I don't remember anything.

I slept most of the day. If I wanted to pee, they "straight cathedral" me each time. That was very painful. I tried to get up to pee, bit nothing would ever happen. On Monday, Dr. Wong and the hospital it's came by. I was told that the skin under the splint was covered with blisters and he had to cut them all off. He believed this was caused by a too tight splint and the heat under this splint.  I still couldn't pee on my own and when I finally did later in the day it was a dribble. It wasn't enough and they insisted I wait until Tuesday. I requested a foley catheter for overnight understanding I could get an infection, and they finally gave in to my request. I drank lots of cranberry juice and water and did a couple of laps around the floor.  The catheter was taken out at eight am and I never had problems peeing later. My friend Janet Seinturier brought stick veggies while I was there. I felt I was getting raw veggies my body craved. I was discharged late afternoon and my friend Sherry Dolan took me home. Barbara Long met us there and picked up my medications. My daughter Shelley Schmitt also came over to make sure medications were put in a medicine tray.

One item I used in the hospital that was given to me when I was discharged was a small color that most people have to keep foods col when they put ice in it for picnics. This one had a rubber tube attached to a pad that was wrapped around my wrist/arm. Ice and water are in the ice chest. There is an electric hook up and this chilled water is pumped through to keep that area cooler. That helps like using frozen peas, but maybe a little longer and not having to fiddle with it as much.  A very strange affect I have had hanging my arm has been that I sense it next to me rather than hanging  I have sensed this several times and have to see it to believe where it is  it has made me think about people who have had an amputation and experience phantom pain.  The unreality of it is similar.

So this time has been figuring out how to do things with one arm and hand. I am so fortunate for my family and friends. Even with those that are limited to talking on the phone. I actually am not sure if I could have been home without these supports. I can't drive, and that is very limiting. I'm still trying to arrange a ride to and from my art class. I'm also donating all my heals.  Flats and tennis shoes for now on.   When you really feel lousy, it is hard to get worked and looks you get when you are wearing the same pajamas and robe to doctors offices. ER s. and restaurants  Generally, I do think of appropriate dress.  It just drops way down on the list of priorities when more important issues come up.  I felt all the medical staff to be caring.  I'm not sure systems always work well.  Lots of waiting and delays.  I think it can be very difficult for patients and families to advocate for themselves when they are in the middle of a crisis- like having to call to get a surgeon.  It also felt like staff were being pushed to its limit which is when more mistakes occur.  I'm a retired social worker and believe I have a better grasp of the situation, and, it turned out to be very difficult for me.

My grandson Billy Lane realized I couldn't be the photographer for the wedding and they made other arrangements. This took a lot of pressure. I'm glad he brought it up. He was also giving me an out for going to the wedding. But I really wanted to go. My friend Barbara Long agreed to go. She will drive me and stay with me. So we will ask for a roll out bed for Ronda, Barbara and me.

In the mean time my great grandson Conner, age 11 weeks has pneumonia and was admitted to the hospital on Friday. Poor baby!  Loving parents Billy and Meaghan  and Meaghan's mom Dainette are there with Conner and at this point we don't know if plans are going to change.

You might also wonder how I am typing this. I am using my iPad typing with one finger in the notes section.  I'm about to transfer it to my computer and then paste it to the blog program. Then I will transfer a couple of pictures.

I appreciate your reading and if you find yourself limited in what you took for granted, how are you handling it?  One thing I was fortunate to get was an IV pole through my daughter Shelley.  She called her friends and someone had an old one in their garage. With cloth around the splint held by heavy duty elastic bands with a knot at the top so I can hold my arm up better. It is difficult for me to keep my arm up on pillows when trying to sleep. Pillows slid off the bed or my arm fell between pillows.

See you next Sunday with probably a lot to share.  Rachel

Good morning, this is Shelley, I am at San Joaquin Emergency Room with Rachel. She took a fall on the driveway this morning and broke her wrist. Thankfully it is her right wrist. They just started an IV and gave her some pain Meds . Will keep you posted once she has x-rays. It is definitely broken though.

A Change of Plans Regarding the Wedding

Well there is a change of plans regarding the wedding.  My grandson Billy contacted me right after I posted the plans and asked me if they could do their wedding at the beach.  "This is not my wedding.  You can do this however you please" .  He informs me that they have decided to do it at Pismo Beach.  The time went from seven to four in the evening.  Four is much better.  I made a reservation at a hotel because I don't think I can hang in there to drive home.  I didn't know you could make late arrangements for a wedding at the coast.  I suppose maybe it can just be a park setting, though I wonder if they can get into a restaurant.  I say a picnic instead, but it isn't my choice.  I'm really okay that it isn't at my home.  I understand the group was continuing to grow.

The plan was to meet three friends, Janet, Charmaine and Lisa at Muertos.   Lisa called Janet the day before and wanted to change it to Thursday.  I understand she wanted to get her vegetable garden in before getting together.  I understand that, but I couldn't do the change.  I can't eat out two times in a day. I felt bad, but I schedule gatherings so I don't overwhelm myself in a day.  I am learning to set limits, but it is hard.  I know some of my friends would think that couldn't be true because I'm so outspoken, but maybe it depends on the issue.   I still met with Janet that day. Always great getting together.

Had a session on drawing flowers with Norma Neil. I drew an incredibly huge and oddly shaped sunflower one of the women brought in. I kept smearing it, even when I put a barrier between my arm and the paper. I was using charcoal and pastels. Now I think I'll use a workable fixative that you can draw on for each layer. Below if the photo of the huge, misshapen sunflower.  From the back it looked like two sunflowers that joined together.  Lots of fun and relaxing.  One drawing class left.  I have gotten the notice for jury duty starting that Monday, but when I called this weekend, I got a reprieve.  I'm to call Monday night.

My beach scene in Carol Bradshaw's class is coming along.  Carol likes it, but wants me to soften the lines around the ball, and, I need to put more values (shades), particularly darker.  I have done the contour drawing of it several times. I tried sandpaper and put it under my drawing paper to give the sense of roughness for the sand. My plan was to draw the footprints and ball to not be affected by this. My fellow student Wayne and I message each other and I told him about it. He thought that was cleaver.  It didn't come through on the drawing paper like it did the tracing paper.  I let Wayne know and he suggested turning over the tracing paper to transfer the rough surface on the tracing paper to the drawing paper.  I had already finished my picture, so I didn't do it, but I will do that next time for that affect. Carol Bradshaw said she thought a lot during the week about my pine cone and she feels I should mat and frame it. Kind of stunned me. I don't think of what I do as being that good, but okay. I like that. She describes my drawing as having "attitude".  She wants me to erase around it and add just a piece at the bottom to not be so flat, so I'll do that and I will frame it.   I like that too!    At this time I don't know if I will be able to go to class this week or not because of Jury Duty.  I won't know until Monday night.  We have no class the following week.  Carol said to find a picture of a barn that we each could draw.  Deb, another member in our class but quite beyond us in expertise sent me several pictures.  I'm using the last one.  Good to work on a really weathered surface.

I saw this incredibly interesting pen that let's you copy a color exactly for hefty price of $150.  I'm not sure they are making it yet, but if not, it's coming out soon.  I'd wait to see what other people do with this.

Copy any Color in the World



Stella Young is a Disability Activist.  She feels that all too common compliment is actually an insult in disguise- the idea that just being handicapped makes you special.  She does not think so.  Well stated. It's siimilar to someone with a terminal diagnosis.  That does not make someone a hero.  I'm not a hero. At least not because I'm dying.  We are all going to die.  If anything, and really I don't think it is so spectacular, it would be talking openly about it.  I really just want to take it out of the closet.  Anyway, she really states it well in a TED talk.  I don't think people mean to be insulting.  They are just not in that position and so they can't imagine coping with what that person is coping with.  Those who have gone through it, don't see it the same way.

I'm Not Special


Jennifer offered for me to come over for dinner, but I had already gone out with Janet and I declined. Later I get a call from Kayla that the pipes backed up and they couldn't stay there and could they come over. Sure. Picked up things they needed from home and went to the store to get a couple additional food items  It ended up being two nights.  My cats were in hiding during this time.  I felt somewhat displaced.  I'm so used to being alone now.  I worry that family want to move in and take care of me.  I certainly don't want that.  The plumbing problem is still not fixed as far as I know.  My grandson Devin came over yesterday for a shower.  I hope they fix this soon.  If anyone knows, if it ends up being covered by insurance, and let's say they have to go through the floor to pipes and the floor is destroyed, wouldn't they take responsibility to fix this so the house is whole again?  Really do need to know.  I'll pass the info on if you have something to share.

I found this wonderful saying on Facebook.  It came from The Mind Unleashed, but I have no idea who was the specific person who said it, but it is wonderful.

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT

TO ARRIVE AT THE

GRAVE SAFELY IN A 

WELL PRESERVED BODY,

BUT RATHER TO SKID IN

SIDEWAYS TOTALLY

WORN OUT, SHOUTING

"HOLY SHIT...WHAT A

RIDE!"

This is a wonderful article "How We Grieve" by Maria Popova and a review of the book "The Long Goodbye" by Meghan O'Rourke written in 2011.  I have not read the book but I did order it.  It is not available on Kindle.

How We Grieve


By the way, Brain Pickings is a wonderful site to find some excellent thoughtful writing. They would love donations for the hundreds of hours of research they do for us.  You'll see when you check it out.

Today my friends Sherry and Valerie came over for a late lunch.  I made an asparagus quiche and a toma basil salad.  We had  a great Pinot Noir with it. It was wonderful sharing and laughing the way we used to be.  I talked about getting all of us together again and doing a barbecue, perhaps salmon.  I have wonderful memories of doing this.  I also thought it would be great to share the pictures we may have taken during that time.  I would love that.  We are old time friends from over 30 years ago.  There are a couple of other women who were a part of this group.  We worked on writing a paper requesting a grant to start a half-way home for older women dealing with alcoholism that wanted and needed help to stop. Our grant was not approved, though we only submitted it to one place, so I don't think we gave it enough of a try.  But that experience, which was about a year, bonded us together and is a meaningful part of my life.   This is one of those group friendships you don't want to lose.  I hope we can get together with the other two in the near future.

My granddaughter Kayla and a girlfriend of hers are going with me next Saturday to my friend Martha's home which abuts a river.   We are going to camp there and partake in the food, people and festivities.  It was wonderful last year.  I think the girls will get a kick out of this.

Well, that's it for the week.  I hope you share this with people who might be interested.  I'm happy you read it.  Any thoughts on what to include, or not to include are appreciated.  I'll see you next Sunday.        Rachel

From Sky Lanterns to Planning Weddings

This is how I read in bed

My granddaughter Kayla told me on Sunday while we were out to lunch on Sunday that she was going to summer school starting the next day.  She hadn't mentioned it before.  She told me she might stay with a friend during that time to cut the walking down (though it isn't much further from where she was going to school).  Later that evening she texts me and says she has to register Monday morning and I tell  her I would sleep in, but she says she has to be there by 7:00 am.  I panic thinking can I even do this?  If I stretch myself too far, I'm going to crash, but I agree and have to set two alarms because I'm afraid I'll miss one of them.  Of course I don't, but I drag myself out of bed, put on the coffee and text her back (this is the way the kids want to communicate- they have taught me how to do this).  "You better be ready, because I'm picking you up at 6:45.  She texts me back saying she doesn't have to be there until 7:20 and to pick her up at 7:10.  I think I could have had more sleep!  Oh well.  I pick her up and we end up in this auditorium with lots of kids and some parents.  These are all the ones that didn't get summer school.  They were going to have security check each class that was going to say how many could get in.  Kayla eventually wanted to sit with her friends and I told her no because I wouldn't know what was going on.  She says "You can go", and I asked "Why was I here?", she says "I don't know".  Huh!  So I left.  When I text her later asking if she got in she said there were no spots.

I crawled back in bed because I was really shorted on sleep.   I recovered well enough to go to a session.  I had an art "class" at the Art and Spirituality Center with Norma Neil.  This time it was on flowers.  I drew a lily with color pencils.

Lily

It was a good group, about nine women.  Everybody did different flowers using different styles.  Loved it! Relaxing and pleasant conversation at the table. We were going to meet outside and were told to bring a folding chair, a sunhat and water in addition to any art supplies of our own we wanted (they do supply it).  Well it was too warm and Norma brought flowers from home and the center had some artificial flowers to work on.  One woman brought a big folding chair, but I had an incident when my brother visited that I was exhausted when we went to the county fair.  My daughter Shelley found a cane that becomes a seat and I was able to get it during the same day.  They are available through Amazon, but I'm sure there are many places to get one.  The price range I saw was $22 to $36.  Here is a picture of it.  It is very light weight, and you can really use it as a cane.  I don't need a cane, but I do need a portable chair.  You sit on it like a horse, with the cane part in front of you.  I highly recommend it, if you need something small and lightweight to rest.  It makes a difference.  I took it touring Japan.

Cane Chair

Tuesday would have been my husband Paul's 73rd birthday if he was still living.  He died just before his 66th birthday. When I showed family the "selfie" I took with Paul (the marker at the cemetery), it became an emotional issue for several.  I had gone to a friend's remembrance of her mother.  They had used sky lanterns and I thought we could do the same, but on his birthday so I would have enough time to order and receive them.  Heather and Alyssa had to work so I left the sky lanterns for them to use later with some great left over dessert.  Shelley, Kevin, Kayla and Devin participated.  It was a little anxiety provoking for Shelley and me because there was a wind.  We initially thought of lighting several at one time, but it wasn't a good day for doing that.  We watched them float up and eventually go out.  Here are some pictures of the event.

and a couple from Alyssa doing it a day later.

Devin, Kayla, Kevin and Rachel

Kevin and Shelley

Rachel

Alyssa

Sky Lantern lit

Heather and Wesley putting up a sky lantern

Carol Bradshaw, my art teacher had asked us to bring in a picture of a beach scene.  I had been walking down the beach early in the morning before the tourists got out there.  The vendors were setting up.  If you wanted to sit here, you would rent the space. This is the picture I brought in from my trip to Costa Rica with a friend.  Everything was centered.  One thing in art is that you can decide how you want to compose your picture.  Carol made black and white copies of my picture, then cut it up and pasted it back together in different ways to see there were multiple pictures to draw out of this one picture.  At the 6th time, including the original picture, I found the one I liked.  She said we could add things, take them away, whatever worked for the story we wanted to tell.  So our assignment for the week was to pick the one we wanted, then transfer our drawing to good paper with just an outline.  The following week we would work on the marks that would give it dimension and true feeling.  This is the original picture.

So now I have taken my pictures to The Art and Spirituality Center and have been drawing it and deciding what I'll do with it.  Norma Neil drops by because she has a friend in surgery and doesn't want to wait in the waiting room (I don't blame her).  I show her what I'm working on and she suggests beach "things" to add and draw attention to the umbrella and the person there.  So I decided on the footprints mainly, but I also put in a beach ball.  I decided against the beach towel (harder for me to draw). So I moved the umbrella and chairs to the left, the islands are not on the same plane, the spacing is changed.  There is someone in the chair where the footprints lead and there is a beach ball.  I'll be adding a couple of seagulls.  Next session will be fill in to give dimension and more interest.

On Good Paper

On Tracing Paper

My grandson Billy came with his girlfriend Meaghan and their son Conner for lunch.  He is such a cutie!. Well they announced to me that they are getting married on July 5th and they want me to be there.  On further discussion my role got bigger and I offered to have the wedding at my home if they do all the work set up and clean up.  They said they asked a friend to do their pictures, but she was going to charge them $700 (which is reasonable if they are well done and she isn't your best friend), but they don't have the money.  Since I have done many of my kids weddings I said I would with a caveat, I'm not a professional, I cut one of the groom's head off in several pictures and I have this problem now where I have to go to sleep because I have reached my maximum amount of excitement.  If they were willing to deal with that and we could take some wedding pictures away from this setting, I would do it.  We settled on doing pictures, the Monday after the wedding at Central Park in the morning.   Of course, I'll do my best to get some nice pictures of the wedding ceremony and the guests.  I also got a ticket for Ronda Sheldon, my daughter and Billy's mom to come out for the wedding.  That is now set.  Billy called and said grandmother Sherran Toy is a minister and she would be doing the wedding which will all be in the backyard.  Meaghan's mom, Dainette Toy will be coming to see what everything looks like to figure out how she would do the event.  She will organize and I think round up people to help her.  I think it will be a full meal, because they wanted to know my dressing.  By the way, everyone asks me this.  It is Good Seasons Italian Dressing using plain rice vinegar and the best olive oil you can use.  Then I get a bag of mixed lettuces, grape or cherry tomatoes cut in half, a handful of broken walnuts and a handful of raisins or dried cranberries and cheese such as Gorgonzola, Blu Cheese or Feta Cheese, something that is crumbly.  Don't put all the dressing on, just enough to coat it at the last minute before serving it.  It's like you want to keep them coming back for more.  I gave Billy a lot of pictures of his mom (some of me and my family), and pictures I have received of his while growing up.  We swapped stories and now he has some to share with his children about his background when they are older. A couple of pictures from that day.  Ronda is bringing a lot of pictures for Billy when she comes.  It will be a good event.  How could it not be?

Rachel and Conner

Billy and Conner

So I had dinner with my friend Janet who feels I am drifting away and not present with her when we get together.  I thought that was probably true that evening, but I think I feel overwhelmed and I have to take more breaks.  As my grandson Billy said, "Grandma Rachel each week you say you are going to slow down, but each week you say 'it's been a busy week', and I think you only said you rested one week".  Smart guy. He is right.  I really can't keep this pace up.  But, I keep thinking I'm going to miss something.  It also has been a big period of memorable occasions which I think has to let up.  I don't want to miss them.  If I could only put everything on my schedule and space them reasonably for me!  But that isn't how it works.  On Saturday, I stayed home and primarily worked on this blog.  I do enjoy doing that.  I just can't be ON all the time.  I don't do well with that.

My friend Barbara Long came over today.  She picked up a vegetarian sandwich at Subway and brought a bottle of Cabernet she picked up at Korbel in Sonoma County (I thought they only did champagne!).  It was their cellar selection and delicious!  She went up for five days on her own, seeing family she hasn't seen in like forever and seeing the areas where she lived as a young child.  She is also working on her geneology and continues to get more information whenever she travels.  It sounded like a great trip, but she, like me, need time to recover from these events.  It was a good story to hear.  Below is a selfie of Barbara Long and me.

Barbara Long and Rachel Jerdin

This was a blog published in the New York Times about living with cancer that is chronic by Susan Gubar. Very good.
Living with Cancer, Chronic, Not Cured

Here is a site on the internet.  This information is helpful for those having lost someone important to them.
The Grief Toolbox

The Huffington Post on May 31, 2014 had an article on a mom making these teddy bears for her children.  It turned fallen soldier's uniforms into teddy bears for mourning children.  Don't forget the kids in the grieving process.
Turn Fallen Soldiers Uniform into Teddy Bears


I think that is enough for this week.  I am going to try to get at least one day a week that I don't go out.  I'll see if that helps me more.  Thanks for reading and pass this to people you think might be interested.  See you next Sunday.

Mary Katherine's Art: Livermore vineyard scene

Mary Katherine's Art: Livermore vineyard scene: This latest painting is in response to a friend who asked for a painting in the style of Mary Kay's vineyard paintings.  My friend Marykay is a fabulous artist!  This is the most recent work.  Check her out!

Graduation Week

So I panicked a little about going to two graduations in one day.  I asked Kayla what time I had to be there and she said 7:30 am.  Heather's graduation was at 7:00 in the evening.  I felt I would have to set multiple alarms to get myself moving.  When Kayla gave me my ticket, it said 8:00 am.  Relief!  A half-hour reprieve. It seems funny being this way since I used to get up between 4:00 and 4:30 am to go to work.  It took me
1 1/4  hours to get to work and I really needed another quarter hour to assure I could be at my desk.  But, I have not worked in months, and my body has adjusted very well to later hours.  All my kids knew never to call me after 8 pm.  I still like that, but I rarely fall asleep at 8 pm now.

Kayla's graduation went well and she was beautiful.  She was agitated that day, but she pulled it off and did well.  I would have liked to get a picture of us together, but she wasn't very cooperative to do more pictures.  I do like the ones I did get.  We had a nice breakfast at Cindy's (they have great breakfasts).  Her father Marvin, her sister Crystal and cousin Heather (who had her graduation that evening) joined us.  Here are pictures:

Kayla with her friends

Kayla with her special friend Maryah

Kayla with her older sister Crystal

From right to left: Heather Estes, her cousin; Crystal her sister, Marvin her dad and Kayla

Kayla, Maryah and I are going camping at my friend Martha Hense's home in June.  It is a large property and I did this last year with a girlfriend.  Kayla and Maryah agreed to go and when I asked them what cereal they wanted, they said Lucky Charms.  So it is.  There will be lots of food, a pool, dancing to a disc jockey. I'm taking Barbara Long's tent and we will all have cots and sleeping bags.  One thing we will have that I didn't have last year will be fans that run on batteries.  That will make it much more comfortable until the temperature drops.

After Kayla's graduation and celebration breakfast, I went home and rested.  I sent Shelley a text to call or text before coming because I was laying down.  That worked out well.

That evening Shelley picked me up and we headed to Heather's graduation.  Her father Chris and her grandmother Sandy were there.  Her boyfriend Wesley was also there.  Soon after, Alyssa, her sister and her boyfriend Jeremy showed up.  The line was incredibly long.  This time we parked behind Rabobank which was better since we didn't have to cross main streets.  When we finally got inside, the only place to sit was in the balcony.  We were very high and situated ourselves to be aligned where Heather would be sitting.  We waved at her, but there was no way she could know where we were.  The place was jammed.   It turned out great too, but I have to tell you, the parents of the junior high kids were so much more well behaved!  There were horns, whistles and screaming with the high school families.  Maybe they were stunned their kid made it this far.  I don't know.  I do know that for the next graduation (I understand in 2016), I'm wearing earplugs.  It got so painful at times and I was really trying to cover my ears!  Below are pictures after the event.

Heather at Wesley's graduation two years ago and Wesley at Heather's graduation

Heather and mom Shelley

Heather looking beautiful

Chris, her father; Heather; Shelley, her mother

Heather - It's official!

Shelley and Heather

Heather with two grandmas, Sandy and Rachel

Heather and Me

Heather and Wesley are moving into their first apartment together.  They said they would invite me over to eat when they get settled in.  I look forward to it.  Here's a picture of them at the beach.

Chemo on Friday was pretty much the same.  The only thing is that I feel tired that day.  That pretty much is my experience on the day of chemo.  They say that what I take would not have that effect.  I'm taking Herceptin for the HER2 positive part of this cancer.   I also schedule these first thing in the morning so I can get these over with and be free to do what I want.  I wonder if doing it earlier is a mistake.If anyone actually knows, let me know.  It is better for me not to do anything afterward. I laid down and took a nap.  Finally I was able to get moving, but I also had a solid nights sleep that night.  I really have to take breaks.  Also saw my doctor.  I need to get a MUGA scan within a week or so.  This measures the pumping of the heart.  I hope they call soon so I can take care of that.

I had lunch with my friend Janet Seinturier on Saturday.  We were going to go to Muertos in the alley (Wall Street), but they weren't going to be open until 4 pm.    So disappointing to both of us when you have in your mind what you are going to eat.  Janet loves their very hot hamburgers.  I'd have had a fish dish.  And,on our stomachs were not willing to wait.  We know that Mexicali's would be open and we went to the one downtown.  We talk about everything.  So I described how I headed in my bedroom to get something I needed and walked up to my nightstand.  I totally blanked on what it could possibly be, but usually if I just make it to the room, there is too much territory to cover thinking of what I came for.  So, I stood looking at my nightstand and it came to me.  Don't ask me now, I don't remember, it just flits through and if I don't come up with it then, it could be quite a while before I'll remember it again or perhaps never.  Janet has the same problem.  We know about the problem of coming into a room, but I felt it shouldn't take as long to come up with what  it was staring at my nightstand.

Today Kayla came over and helped to clean up and move a couple of things.  We had a late lunch at Loma Linda.  They do a good job, and, the price is reasonable.

My grandson Billy will be coming to lunch this week with his family.  So all I have to do is shop and cook the lunch.  It'll be good.  I have a lot of pictures to give him.  Here are a couple of pictures Billy sent of Conner.  He is seven weeks old now.  Sooooo cute!

My grandson Billy with his son Conner 6 weeks

Conner ready for church today 7 weeks

Liam Neeson was on 60 Minutes last Sunday.  This is the first time he has open up about the death of his wife who had gotten in a skiing accident.  He talked about his grief and the process of healing and getting a life again.  Well worth the watch.  I cannot put the link here, but it is worth looking up.  Go to 60 Minutes and when you see the one about Liam Neeson, that's it.  There is also a continuation of the talk on bereavement on 60 Minutes Overtime.  Well done.

That's it for this week.  See you next Sunday.        Rachel