Birth and Death, the Cycle of Life

A woman on one of the Google+ communities that I am in, thought it was amazing that I would think I was fortunate now.  This is what she stated:  "Hi Rachel... It is amazing that you consider yourself "fortunate"..But it's certainly a small fortune for anyone reading your take on life and what it brings to us. Thank you!"

This is how I responded:  "Believe me, in the beginning, I did not feel fortunate. I cried a lot, I was frightened and angry. But when you have gone through it for over 15 years, have allowed yourself to think about what you have gone through, what scares you and makes you angry and work through those issues, your perspective changes. My life won't be what it was before, so I needed to make a life for my current circumstances. It is not a bad life.  In fact, there are really good parts which would not have happened had I not gone through this. So, yes, I'm fortunate to have made a life I feel is pretty good. Thank you for your comment." 

I cannot see myself as being special because I am sharing what I have been going through.  It seems the right thing to do and if someone was in my shoes with my life, I think they would think it is what they might do.  It helps me to sort out my thoughts on all this by sharing,  and thinking out loud. The feedback helps me to think further on it. I really do appreciate it. 

"It is a question of odds". This is what one of my earlier doctors was explaining to me when I was wondering why I was taking medications which made me feel really bad. He was explaining that they looked at the numbers to determine survival rates of different interventions.  So that is how I did it first time around. But, having gone through it again and again, I have put limits on what I would do again. I'm sure I'm still here because of the treatment I did get. I can decide to do things even if it makes me sick if I know there is an end to the treatment other than death or because the cancer came back and I have reached the point that I will not take something that makes me so sick until the end.  That does not make sense to me.  That doesn't make sense to me.  I want to be here as long as I can enjoy my life.  If I physically feel lousy all the time, I think it is time to stop the treatment.  So my priorities change as my situation changes. 

I had my last Healing Art class with Nina Landgraff at Bakersfield College We did a more complicated movement- moving smoothly, non-stop. This exercise,  if kept up regularly helps with concentration, creativeness and balancing the left and right hemispheres of the brain.  There is another step that isn't on this one and that is to use a color on the outside (both sides), or a thicker pen that when you come to an intersection you do a weaving motion over, then under the next intersection.  make sure it is even every direction you go.  Keep moving your pen until it gets there.  Then we did a couple of Intuitive Paintings. They are really fun to do and I do enjoy getting my hands into it, though we used a brush more this time.  It is done in acrylic.  I also really like the idea of engaging in something like art or making marks which can affect my body and my brain. 

An Exercise to Increase your Brain/Body Connection

Nina Landgraff's Intuitive Painting of Wave Along the Shore in Acrylics
She Gave Me This Painting She Did!

My Version of the Intuitive Painting of Wave Along the Shore in Acrylics

This is My Intuitive Painting of Flowers in a Pot in Acrylics

At Carol Bradshaw's class at the Bakersfield Art Center, we worked on a different kind of watercolor wash. This is a streaked wash doing west into wet. I have a tendency to do things evenly Carol said,  "the mind wants to do this".  So I need to be more alert to me doing that to avoid it. It makes a blah, or even an unpleasant picture. It is also not likely in the natural world.   I will be adding more before class.

Wet on Wet doing a Streak Wash

This is a Wet on Wet Streaked Wash

This was the week in doing lots of plumbing repairs. It was fairly expensive, but I feel my home is more whole and substantial with this all done. 

My granddaughter Heather came over to help me put together the raised gardening beds for veggies. I ordered it through Costco and it slid together. Then we went to a nursery to get organic potting soil and something else to make it really lush. Heather and I spread it in the boxes. 

I had lunch with my friend Jeanne at La Costa de Mariscos sharing about people we remembered when we worked in hospice. Great time as usual. I would really love to get together with these people as a group some time.  We were incredibly fortunate because we had a supervisor who was very supportive. All the people there loved their work. We had a wonderful relationship and even got together outside of work. 

Then my friend Barb and I went to buy vegetable plants and herbs which we went back to plant in the same day. It looked beautiful!  Since then I added a few more then released praying mantis and ladybugs for some natural pest control.  So this is the finished project with my friend Barbara's and my granddaughter Heather's help.

Free-Standing Planting Beds from Costco with Veggies and Herbs in it.

The Taller One is Lavender to Attract Bees.  I Will Be Adding Dill for the Same Purpose
The Other Plant is a Second Tomato Plant.  I Will Get a Cage to Hold the Tomatoes

The next day I had no energy. After a workman left, I fell asleep in my armchair. I had called my friend Janet about meeting for dinner, but I woke up too late. I then fell back to sleep for three more  hours in that armchair and then went to bed.  I think I over did it the day before.

My friend Jody's cat Sweetum's died. I know this was very rough for her because he was a great companion as all of our pets are. She sent me wonderful stories about his antics. They were great stories.  I felt she could write a book about him. This was also the anniversary of my friend Janet's husband, Ron's death this week. Last Sunday was also the day of Paul's and my wedding anniversary. Lots of reminiscing and more grieving.  

So my second great-grandson was born on Saturday, April 18th. Meagan's water broke Friday. She was out of town at a special doctor's  appointment for Conner in Fresno.  They hurried to get back.  Meagan went from being dilated at 5 when they reached the hospital and reaching 10 in a half hour. So fast!  He just slipped out!   His name is Kason. He was born 7:40 AM on April 18, 19 inches long and weighing in at  5 pounds 13 ounces. Billy had to go out to buy him a premie outfit since newborn size was too big. I dropped by to see Meagan and Kason later that day.   Billy was also there and Meagan's mom Dainette. I was struck by how much Kason looked like his mom. When Conner was born, I felt he looked more like his dad. 

Kason is So Tiny!  It is Amazing Looking Down on A
Miniature Person!

Grandma Dainette is Holding Kason.  He Has Very Long Fingers!

Kason Has a Head of Hair!

Conner was with the people who care for him at day care with his sister Coco.  It is a regular day for him and as you can see, he is enjoying himself.  This is the same day his brother Kason was born.

Conner on the Day of his Brother Kason's Birth, April 18, 2015

So this has been an incredible busy and momentous week.  There was much more that happened, but these are the highlights.  I might just go lie down and take a nap!  My phone just went into French mode and I didn't set it there!  I changed it to United Kingdom English yesterday when my grandson Billy showed me now to change it.  So I'm trying Singapore English today.  I'm looking for what appeals the most.  I may just move it around.

So here you have it.  I hope your week went well or if you were going through rough times, you got the support you needed and will continue to get it.  I will see you here next week.  Thanks for reading.            Rachel