How Do We Comfort Each Other?

Before getting into what I discuss in my blog, I want to express my condolences to all the people of France, the victims and their families. It seems we are living in a very dangerous time and there are people who are filled with such hate that they will kill innocents. This happens here also. I believe that love and peace will eventually win, but we need to stand against hate. We all want a safe place to live and be able to live our lives without threat.  Terrorism has no place in our world.  Many people have posted heartwarming tales of people helping people. The more we do this, the more it will multiply. It takes so little to be kind. And there is a big payoff with an attitude like this. I'm not being PollyAnnish. I don't see this as an unreasonable or unrealistic way of being. What we do reverberates out. Kindness in general begets kindness as hatred in general begets hatred.  I don't mean on an individual basis that it will always turn out good. But, when I look at us as a group, the whole, this can make a better environment for all of us. 

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On October 24, I shared an article about what we need when we are grieving. This article touched a nerve in quite a few people. We would like to be sensitive of others, but feel very overwhelmed in providing this support because we are hurting too or we would like to make it all better for the one suffering. Or being in denial, because what we are seeing and observing is more than we can psychologically accept.   Unfortunately, we can't always do this. When we feel so incapable of doing this, we feel we are worthless. My sense is that our American culture never helped us in dealing with this.  I believe that other cultures that have dealt with death and dying in a more open manner seem to do much better than us. 

One issue which I believe is tied to this is the fear of dying.  I will admit this was my fear.   In the beginning when I was diagnosed I preferred ignorance.  I did not want to know any details. I did not want to do research to find out what worked better; what were things that would help me more.  I wanted my portacath out when my treatment was done because I wanted to pretend I was normal, and since I felt this portacath and that it would have to be flushed regularly to keep it from clotting, I would not be able to pretend or a word that describes it well, be in denial. One nurse was upset at me for pushing to get the portacath removed saying "what if the cancer came back?"  I was so angry with her  I said "then the chemo didn't work!"  Well, in fact, the cancer did come back seven years later. After crying a lot, I decided I had to take a different approach.  So this time I decided to look directly at my fears. It is interesting what happens when you do this. It becomes a non issue. I had friends who thought this was very negative.  I lost my fears as I did this.   So since then, it isn't the fear that gets in my way, it is not feeling good which is difficult to tolerate. I like being active and when I don't feel well, I can't do this. If someone has a thought in dealing with this, I would appreciate!

I found this article about dealing with fear. It is worth taking the points it offers. 

http://www.dealingwithfear.org/fear-of-death.htm/

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AT&T came out Monday morning. I have had multiple issues with my service.    It turnout, I had several issues going on that one remote control, the receiver and one of the DVR's were replaced. He checked the speed and in the end, it appears it is all working.  

Shelley and I joined several of our Red Hatters to a paint night. Shelley and I have discussed doing this for a while. It was great!  It was at a wine bar called Wine Me Up!  They also had beer and appetizers.  The wine list was fairly extensive and because I'm not really a beer drinker, I didn't note the choices of beer.  We got there a little early to get set up,    get our wine and appetizers, which were unique and tasty.  There were seven of us from our group and we all did the same picture.  We all loved it and plan to go back in February or March. 

Members of our Red Hat group who went- Pamela, Claudia, Me,
Evelyn, Judie, Shelley, and newest member Betsy.  We
all painted the same picture.

Some of the people painting.

The leader of our group Evelyn and me

My daughter Shelley painting

No, it is not a dragon, it is red wine poured in a glass and
splashing out.  On the left if a vase with flowers.  I'll guess the
white and yellow are the son, but I don't know.
This is on my wall next to the Entry Way of my home.

Crystal came over for dinner one night to learn to make something different together  for her family. She is the cook. So we did something very easy - hamburger patty with grilled onions, beef gravy, mashed potatoes and string beans.  I wanted to do chili beans but I thought with her being pregnant, it might be a problem.   But, I gave her the supplies to make this for the family.  Next time, we will make a meatless meal. 

I got together with my friend Jeanne at the Tofu House. Delicious food! Breathe loved the food and I know she will go back. When people try it out, they love it.   I bought a tee shirt which turned out to be too small for me even though it said extra-large, which said Sassenach. Sassenach is an English Inhabitant in Scotland often used in a derogative manner, but not in this story. This is from the series Dragonfly in Amber by Diana Gabaldon.    The menu changed. Some of the prices raised which made sense since I thought they under charged for several items they served.   They also added some items including lettuce wraps. Yum!   I'll try that next time! 

My friend Jeanne wearing the tee shirt I gave her.

Janet and I met at Mexicali's, where we meet most weeks. This time, she showed me the picture I had drawn of her dog Poopy, now professionally framed. Wow!  That really made the picture stand out. I took the picture when it was dark in her car. It still came out fairly good!

Janet holding the picture of Poopy in her car.
She had just picked it up from the framers.

I saw my oncologist on Friday and had chemotherapy.  I had gone to the lab, but tests for this chemo were not listed. Oh well.  I will  do this next time I go to the lab.  My nurse gave me the direct number to m Doctor and them, so I can call immediately to correct this.   

I went to Visalia to join my friends, including Marc who's wife Mimi died. Annemarie and I shared a room at the Marriott where Lynn and her husband Simon were.  We ate at The Vintage Press, a very nice restaurant.  Two other people we worked with joined us, Dr. Fisher who for a while was our supervisor, and Dr. Thomas who worked on another unit.  It was a lovely evening and we will meet in December after Marc's birthday most likely at Tommie's a pleasant restaurant in Visalia.  I hope we can stay at The Marriott again.  It is a nice place.  I brought too much snack food, again as did Lynn and Annemarie.  We had water crackers, with goat cheese, red and green grapes, plus a Cabernet to have before heading to dinner.

 

So that is it for the week. It was a full week, but I was able to fit in a couple of needed naps.  I hope you week went well and I will see you next Sunday.  I will be working further on my contour drawing of a deer to bring to class on Tuesday.  Right now, I'm going to take a much needed nap.     Rachel