I'm Okay. It isn't My Time to Go Yet.

On my last post I wrote that I had something on one of my ribs.  I had a CAT scan and took my friend Janet when I saw Dr. Tun in case it was bad news. I think I shut down and don't remember very much when I'm given bad news. It wasn't cancer.  Phew!   It could be calcium build up.    To me, it still seems to be growing.  We're not sure what it is.  There was a spot that was deep. It is too small to do anything about that, so I will have a CAT scan every few months to monitor if there are changes. Anyway, I am relieved I don't have to deal with it now.

I visited my friends Mike and Marykay in Livermore. They have been through a lot with Mike having a stroke and their oldest daughter Libby had a girl while this was going on.  Mike was home. He had been in an acute care hospital and then a Rehabilitation hospital for a month. 

Michael had gotten out of the hospital over a week before.  He is very clear, but weak because he had  been primarily in bed.  His speech is affected by not having moisture in his mouth since he cannot eat or drink. However,  his wife Marykay made a mouth spray that Mike used to wet his mouth.  He also had a sponge on a stick to wipe his mouth. These help.  While I was there, Mike had speech therapy, physical therapy and occupational therapy. The cover to the lungs is always open, so he is endangered by anything going down that side when  he eats.   It is possible there is a surgery he might try, but he needs to go to a major hospital like Stanford to find out and get physically stronger. 

I worked on my art and Marykay took the role of Carol, my teacher.  I was so fortunate to have her help. That was a good experience. 

Libby, Marykay's daughter getting lunch for Ar

Marykay feeding Esha Katherine,

Marykay burping Esha.

Mike with his grandson Ari
He surrounded Mike with all his toys! So cute!

Marykay and Mike were going to a meeting one night. I sent a message to my sister to see if she could get together with me.   She was able to.  Marykay, Mike and I were watching the news seeing flooding all around the area and I worried that my sister would be in jeopardy.  I suggested it would be too dangerous for her to come, but she insisted we take the opportunity to see each other.  So we did.  We went to a restaurant for dessert. We had a wonderful talk. She thought I said my cancer was back when I thought I had put a qualifier on it saying "I think 

my cancer is back."  She did note that I have always found my cancers before the doctors did but hoped I was wrong this time.  I hoped I was wrong too!   And I was!   

I got an invitation online to join Omada through Kaiser to learn how to eat better, exercise and get adequate sleep.  This was because I was pre-diabetic.  They sent a scale that gives them my weight directly, but I can see too.  We are in a group online to encourage each other, we have a log to keep track of what we take in and what activity we do. Sunday March 5 it started. There is no cost to us. It is an active 16 week program. This program urged a healthy plate which would be 3 to 6 ounces of protein, depending what it is, one to three cups of vegetables, and healthy fat like avocado or olive oil. So i I would save grains, pasta or potato for a special meal.  It adds a task to change every week.  I lost 12 pounds in 8 weeks and they suggested I put another goal on, so I put down to lose 10 pounds in 16 weeks.

And, as I was going through papers to keep or throw away, I found a brochure from Kaiser for a program called Silver & Fit.  It is like Silver Sneakers.  I picked In-Shape where I will work out.  I had used them years ago.  There is no cost to me.  So I think I'll look different in 4 months.  I'm excited.  It is the same as Silver Sneakers. 

I also agreed to a half hour,  two times a month for nine months to have a trainer make sure I'm using the equipment correctly.  It is worth the cost to me. David is 21 years old, but he does understand how the machinery is to be used.

Then I got a call from Kaiser they would have conferences on healthy living and asked if I would attend something like this. I said yes and they will let me know when these start. By the way, I'm so impressed that Kaiser does this!  This is so positive!  I'm so glad I have Kaiser Permanente. So this conference is on line too.  It is based on having multiple chronic health issues.  I had been to the dentist and there was a new one there who told me to call her Dr. T.  I asked where the other ones were.  The one I like is still there but wasn't there at that time.  Anyway, she gave me this story that I had osteoporosis in my jaw and cavities where going down to the roots and that I would need at least 10 teeth worked on.  I was horrified because I had been going here for about 9 years and at least every 6 months.  How could everything just fall apart at one time?!  I asked my Facebook friends for advice and everyone felt a second opinion was needed here.  Those who have had great experiences with their dentists shared that information and their names.  I also called the dental insurance to find out about second opinions (they do cover) and how they pay.  I will follow through on this, but I have a lot going on in the near future, so I'm going to wait on it.

Shelley's boyfriend Don made a gourmet meal for me a week after I got back from my visit to MaryKay and Mike. He is a chef by training. Shelley helped him as they went to several stores and a farmer's market for the freshest ingredients. I had shown him my raised vegetable garden and a recipe from Blue Apron.  He said the key is the freshest ingredients. He's right!  And I think a great chef helps!  

Shelley and her boyfriend Don, a fabulous chef!

Shelley and me at Don's home

Cheese and Crackers

Sword Fish and Corn Reliish

Appetizer - Prosciutto and goat cheese

Sauteed Scallops 

Though, I really like my Blue Apron and even if I don't get it right all the time, it is still delicious!  However, I had to cancel it because Omada wants us to make meals that do not include starches.  I can tell you I found it painful to drop Blue Apron!  Very tasty meals!  Maybe what I have learned from Blue Apron will help me with my Omada meals. I was wanting to make a meal with Blue Apron when Evelyn comes for dinner, but I'm not going to be able to do that.  We had it planned for the end of the month but we need to reschedule it.  I'm not the only one with a busy schedule!

I went to see my friend Barbara who lives with in Seal Beach. Her caregiver needed to leave for a few days to take care of personal business so I agreed to stay with her during this time. She has dementia. I took my art to do there.

Her caregiver left notes about when to feed her dog and cat. Barbara took responsibility to do this. This was difficult because she wouldn't remember if she fed them or not, did she walk the dog or not. I wish I had been on top of this from the beginning because, I would have made a check list that needed to be marked off to show it was done. I would mark it because she wouldn't remember if she did or did not do something. So really, I have no idea if we overfed the animals or underfed. I do think the dog got lots  of walking. 

On the first day I was there, she thought she misplaced her car keys and her cell phone. It might have been lost before that day or on that day. I couldn't tell.  I think I'll get her a tag for these items so we can look up where it is.

Barbara had told me each time I visited about this soup kitchen on skid row in Downtown Los Angeles where she volunteered. The people who started it set up this outdoor garden with picnic tables, a fountain and many plants. I told Barbara we would go there.  She was excited. Though Barbara called to say we were coming, they had very little for us to do.  They had many volunteers on a Saturday. They probably need more volunteers on the two weekdays they have food, Tuesday and Thursday. It is run by the Catholic Workers of Los Angeles. There were two women from Upland who volunteered because one of them wanted this for her birthday.  There were also people who initially did this as their volunteer experience through high school and continued after high school.  There were also people from other countries who did this when they came to the United States. We wiped down tables and picked up trash, though most people eating there took care of their own trash. 

There were some people who were mentally ill who made loud outburst. People would go to them to calm them down. I saw lots of tents on the sidewalks clumped in areas.  It was a different experience, but I never felt threatened here.

Many homeless on skid row in Los Angeles had tents.  There were
streets all around this soup kitchen where people lived.

This soup kitchen was unique.  It was in a garden- trees, bushes, flowers
birds, water feature which added to the ambiance of this
setting.

Barbara and I went out to lunch one day on Main Street in Seal Beach. That was a nice experience. 

We also went to the Art Supply Warehouse  in Westminster. I needed a couple of items so I had an excuse to go. And for Barb, we got an adult coloring book, colored pencils and a pencil sharpener so she could try that out. I showed her my art books that I used at home.  I'm going to think about getting her one she could use as a guide.  She was excited about trying this.  I'll be seeing her shortly, so I am taking supplies to her.

Here are a few pictures I worked on:

Weathered painted wood

Parrot

Rooster

Gorilla

Our last Red Hat dinner was at  KC's Steakhouse.  We did not have a good experience there the time before, but they made up for it this time.

My daughter Shelley

Shelley and Judie

Marti and Claudia

Judie and Vicki

Pamela and Marti

Pamela and Stephanie

Me

Me, Claudia and Ethel

Claudia and Judie

Judie

I ended up getting a bug at Easter and did not get together with my kids.  I slept a lot and ate very little.  However, they did have a good time, and I'm glad for that.

I got together with my Stepmom Kate, the weekend before her birthday.  We want to the Huntington Garden and Museum and ate lunch there.  They have a cafeteria similar to what they have at the Getty Museum.  Lots of choices and I was able to eat according to my diet.  We also went to A Noise Within, a classical theatre in Pasadena.  We say King Lear.  Both Kate and I had difficulty hearing it all.  Most people were obviously responding to the dialogue, so I think it was us.  I read the play years ago, but I need to re-read it.  They tied the story into the problem of dementia.  I have people close to me dealing with this, so I'd like to get this a little better.  Before I left for home, we went to Green Street Restaurant.  It is like a very nice coffee shop.  We had breakfast before ending our visit.  Here is a selfie I took of Kate and me while we were at the Huntington Garden and Museum.

Kate and Me
I look like I have a swollen jaw, I don't.  I think it
is the angle I took this picture

I saw an article about three things you learn when your mother dies on Upworthy:

Three things you learn when your mother dies

This is a very good article about letting others know on sites such as Facebook about someone else's death. I couldn't state it better than this article. 

When not to share early on social networks.

There is a point where treatment really no longer makes sense!  Here is an article about that. 

When Treatment No Longer Makes Sense

That is what I have. It has been busy!  I hope you are doing well. I'll see you next month.     Rachel

Is It Back?

I took a flight out of LAX to see friends in Oregon.   So I stayed with my high school friend Barbara who lives about a half hour from the airport. I had left my coat there on my last visit, so I was able to collect it while there. Though my visit was short, I'll be visiting her soon and we paid to go to our class reunion in October.   I'm thinking positively.

I got a chance to visit my friends Susan and Jennifer in Portland, Oregon.  I haven't seen them in 2 1/2 years.  It was so great to see them again!  They have such a nice home that is perfect for two people.  I gave them a picture I had done of two pears which Jennifer found a place on their living room wall.  It looked great where they put it. 

Susan and Jennifer on their
back patio

My Colored Pencil Painting of
Two Pears
Jennifer found a place on the wall

Jennifer had to work most of the time, but I saw her when we were at the house. She was on call, responding to calls at home.  Jennifer and Susan work in Hospice.  Susan took me out exploring. I loved it!  This town is a perfect fit for them.  We went to this bookstore, Powell's, the largest independent and used bookstore in the world.  It was one city block and four stories tall. I got lost on the first floor and asked a clerk how to get where I wanted. One of the books I bought was The Soul of an Octopus by Sy Montgomery.  What a great story.  This woman and others at an Aquarium develop relationships with octopuses in this setting. They actually like each other!  Such a different species it is hard to imagine, but they do.  It is a true story that is touching.  Now I can't eat octopus! 

We also went to this city block where the outside by the sidewalk was all food trucks (nothing I could see inside the block).  They had variety of foods and you could see the most popular by the lines.

Food Trucks Around a City Block

I liked this sign in a business's window

Mount Hood was completely covered with snow. It was overcast and cold while I was there but it made everything stand out and was a nice backdrop for the mountain. I was bundled well, so I was very comfortable.  I didn't get a picture!

We also went to what had been an elementary school, Kennedy School which was bought by McMenamins, they repurposed it into a hotel, bars, restaurants, movie theater (with couches and love seats!), and specialty stores. We stopped at a pub there having beer and tater tots (like we eat fries!). Though my friends think McMenamins fails at food, the settings are very creative!  They have many other buildings they have repurposed and done well with that part, but like I said, not the food. 

It was quite chilly in Portland, but I was warm
with what I wore
There were snow piles that still had not
melted

We are looking down on the bar, but there is seating
up here and a level below.  Very interesting fence to
keep people from falling made out of odds and ends
I enlarged it so you can see the details.

Susan in this neat bar - Instead of French Fries
They Do Tater Tots

We also went to a couple of stores selling used furniture, one in the industrial area by the water.  Fascinating!  We also shopped for organic food in a small independent store.  Very different from what I'm used to which made it that much more fun!

Susan is a top notch chef.  We had some meals at home that were worthy of high-end restaurants.  We also ate out at great places. I had such a wonderful time, I am hoping to return!

My trip was great. There were protesters at the airports in Portland and in LAX heading home. There were no problems.  There was singing and chanting about cutting off Muslim immigrants coming to the United States. Many of us live and work next to people who are Muslim and don't see them as a problem in our country. Perhaps if he had selected countries where terrorists from 9/11 did come from, it might make more sense, though all the Muslims I have met are peaceful. I'm not willing to write off these people.  We seem barbaric doing this and intolerant when it is the variety of people here which I believe makes us, the United States special.  I heard something on TV the other night where someone being interviewed called the president  President Von Munchhausen.   I thought it was funny for those who work in mental health. 

When I returned to LAX, I drove to my step-mom Kate's home so I wouldn't have to drive as far at night.  Actually, I haven't driven at night for a long time and I did fine. That was really a relief!

I have had an area on top of an upper rib that seems off.  I had been thinking it was the space/dent by it, that it was sinking.   Then a week ago, I woke up feeling it was tender.  I was more aware of that area.  When I went to chemotherapy,  I showed two RN's who said my Oncologist should see it. He came in at the end of my treatment and asked me how long I have known about it.  I said two months, but I thought it was a dent that was the issue. Then the past week I noticed it was on top of a rib. So I had a CAT scan checking all areas breast cancer can metastasize to.   I am going to see friends up north, Marykay and Mike.  I don't want to know bad news when I see them.  I would love good news, but there is no assurance of this.   

I love to do word and number problems.  What I'm noticing is that I am rarely getting the Evil level now and not getting the Hard very much.  I am down to Difficult.  I have been in a state of not wanting to get up and out, but I think this part is related to my mood. I think I was feeling down about all this. I haven't been working on my art. Then I thought about all the tasks I needed to accomplish, like changes in my checking account and doing my taxes.  So I got on a roll taking care of this and I felt more energetic and got lots of it accomplished.  Then I realized that what keeps me upbeat is being involved, being active.   When I'm really at the end, I think I'll be okay with it.  Watching my father and husband, when they were letting go, they were obviously ready for it to be over.  Seeing this, I believe I will be similar. 

I missed some art classes, partly because of what I was doing and other reasons why class was canceled.  I couldn't get myself motivated to work on my art. I called my teacher Carol letting her know what I was going through, that I had done nothing and thinking I shouldn't go. She said there was no problem if I didn't go, but she thought I'd feel better if I went. She was right.  I'm glad I went.  We are working on rocks again, but using colored pencils. One assignment I did not do was a weathered door. At class, fellow classmate Peggy shared what she did. It was awesome!  Ready to be framed.  So I don't think I'll give up on that.  Her work was stimulating to me, the jump start I needed!  Another classmate Roline took one of my digital pictures of my kitties Pepper and Daisy and did a wonderful portrait of them, though they look younger than they are. I was talking with my friend Janet and she felt that just like people their faces draw down as they get older. Huh!   I hadn't thought of that, but maybe so.  I loved it!  So I bought it and will have it framed.

My Kitties, Pepper and Daisy
Done by Roline Loung
a classmate in my art class

I read articles and books. I want to hear about others experiences with their own death or of someone close to them.  Our reactions are universal in a lot of respects even if we have individual idiosyncrasies. I noted this in hospice when I was a social worker.  Since we don't know about it until our time has come, I want to understand what I can beforehand. Some people think we know from near death experiences, and, maybe we do, I want to know what I can know.  And, I want my family to know this.   It lessens my anxiety and fear and I hope it lessens their anxiety and fear. 

This first one was from NPR and was heard on Fresh Air.

How far do you go to stop death?

This one came from Wimp.com

How I changed after the death of a parent.

And I really like this. I have already made arrangements where my ashes will go (by Paul), but if I hadn't done this, I love this idea!

A great way to replenish Earth with trees.

The grieving need you most after the funeral.  By John Pavlovitz at his site johnpavlovitz.com 

 The grieving need you most after the funeral.

There are physical pain associated with a breakup or loss of someone you love. I felt it intensely and it doesn't feel good. This is very brief pointing out the effects of a breakup or loss of a person you were very close to.   This is from IFLScience.com

We also have physical pain with grieving.

And, finally this from NPR

Always go to the funeral

So next time I write, I'll know the results from the CAT Scan and if something needs to be done, hopefully, I'll be doing it. I also hope I have a picture or two to share.   I do hope you are doing well and I'll be here next month.           Rachel

I'm Back After A Few Weeks Off!

I took a several week hiatus and I am ready to restart my blog again. 

One of my friends, Mike had a stroke recently. He has had complications.  We are anxious that he have a positive outcome from all of this!  He is being weened off the oxygen and that is a plus and got moved out of the Intensive Care Unit.  It is anxiety provoking and I am 5 or 6 hours from there.  His wife Marykay was the first friendship I developed when I moved to Bakersfield.  We have known each other about 40 years. I contacted them a day or two before this happened to arrange when I should come up which we set up toward the end  of February.  I have been willing to come up sooner if she wants me, but she had Mike's daughter and granddaughter at the house.  We have been texting each other, but then we graduated to messaging but with a camera, so it is like we are visiting.  Mike has been improving and they are both hoping he will be home at the time of my scheduled visit,   We did discuss that and it is still a plan. He is a wonderful man and he urged me to start doing my blog again. He also worked on my family tree which added a lot of information I did not have.  Marykay is very special to me. Ours is a  very strong bond.  We have always been so busy and get together one time a year these days, but it always feels like we have been together all along.  These people are so important to me that how they do affects how I feel!

Last time I had written, I was contacted by my solar company that they would send someone out to repair what records my usage.   When that man came, he said the company needs to replace the unit. He also said the company he works with was going out of business.  I received a call from another man a month later stating when he would be out to replace the unit. Then I got another call from a different company saying that solar company went out of business and they were  arranging another date that someone from this company would be out next week. He insisted they are doing fine and not about to go out of business. So they did make it out. This took three months, but it was not something that affected my service.  I'm so glad it didn't affect getting to use my solar power!

My friend Annmarie did make her move to Nebraska.  She hired a Handiman to help her in getting repairs done on the house she bought in Omaha and to make it more livable.  She invited me to come visit when there will be a total eclipse of the sun.  We will drive 5 hours from her home to see it. She is going to arrange a stay at an Airbnb in that area so we will be fresh when we see it.  That will be a once in a lifetime experience and I'll be seeing her after her being many months away. 

I started having food delivered by a program called Blue Apron recommended by one of my sisters. It is delivered once a week three recipes with the food to prepare it, except olive oil, salt and pepper.   There are two servings per recipe, so I get six meals out of this.  But I sometimes have my daughter Shelley over or a friend. I rave about the food because it is tasty.  It is also healthy. They also make a weekly delivery,  that serves four for three meals for $10 more a week- $70.  The one I have is $60 a week. 

Here is a list of companies doing this on the mainland USA.  I say mainland because one of my friends lives in Hawaii and she does not know of this program.    I have no idea if other countries or Hawaii have something like this.  Some offer more variations in diet  and the prices are about the same.  So, I'm listing others I am aware of.  They may taste better or have more choices.  Like I said,  I am using Blue Apron.

MEAL DELIVERY PROGRAMS 

                             Hellofresh.com

                             BlueApron.com

                             SunBasket.com

                             Homechef.com

                             MagicKitchen.com

                             FitPantry.com

                             Chefd.com

                             Emeals.com

I still get a box every two weeks from Hopeful Harvest of organic fruits and vegetables. They include recipes, but the fruit I can eat daily and sometimes the veggies make a great addition to a hearty soup. 

Since I last wrote, two of my granddaughters, Alyssa and Meagan (granddaughter-in-law) have had babies. Surprisingly, they both named their sons Bentley. One was premature but did so well he was able to go home after a week!  That is five great-grandchildren.  They are both darling!

This Alyssa's son Bentley - Shelley is Grandma

This is Meagan and Billy's son Bentley.
He was premature, but doing very well,
born 6 days before Christmas, (Billy's birthday!)
Meagan's hand gives an idea how little he was!

In October my friend Janet and my daughter Shelley went to a barbecue held at Robby's Nursery and Calico Garden once a year. A chef showed us how to use fresh herbs with all the food prepared. It was wonderful. We got to enjoy wonderful food and we picked up some great ideas. You need to go there to pay and register for it before the event. A fabulous evening that is very reasonably priced.  

Thanksgiving and Christmas are always pleasant. I like that we have tasty food and gather together.  Thanksgiving is at my home and Christmas has been at Shelley's home.

My daughter Shelley, got her Real Estate License. I think this was a good move for her so she can be more independent. 

My daughter Ronda sent me homemade jams, lemon bars, Divinity and a butter cream with nuts in it.  Though one jar broke and the lemon bars were crumbs, it still was delicious!

Thanksgiving and Christmas are always pleasant. I like that we have tasty food and gather together. So after Christmas, I went to see my step-mom, Kate for a couple of days and then down to Seal Beach to see my friend Barbara. We met with two other friends from high school days, Linda and Toni for lunch. We graduated  almost 50 years ago!  Here is a picture of us. 

From Left to Right, Linda, Rachel, Barbara and Toni

My friend Barbara and I are going to go to the 50th reunion. Both Linda and Toni hedged on going to the reunion. I will pick Barbara up when we go. 

It is amazing that while I'm gone, I can keep myself going. As soon as I get home, I crash.  My friend Janet said that did seem to be my pattern. She said, "you need to plan not to do anything for at least 48 hours after you get home."   She is right. I forget this, so it helps for a friend to remind me of what is going on. 

The other thing I have done during this time is with my friend Barbara (I have several friends named Barbara and Linda), who is also a retired social worker and I got a room close to Universal Studios so we could go to see The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Hollywood.  This area did look like areas that would be in Harry Potter. We ate lunch there and I had a frozen Butter Beer, which I really enjoyed.  It is non-alcoholic.  We also went on this ride that gave you the sense of playing Quidich with Harry Potter. I haven't been on a roller coaster since high school, since I was so dizzy and disoriented then.  I closed my eyes to get my bearings and would peek periodically to see what was happening. It was interesting and that was the only way for me to look without getting sick. 

So I have had Art Classes with Carol Bradshaw.  We have been using colored pencils which has been fun. I have a lot of the same problems, but I have enjoyed them. My step-mom Kate gave me a 36 pencil set of Faber-Castells. She said the professional artists use this brand. I'll try it to see if there is a difference.  So all of these are colored pencil drawings.

Coloring Flip-Flops

Heart Design 

Added more to Hearts, Framed for Alyssa

  

Pumpkin in Front of Spider Web
(My Step-Mom Kate thought it was Interesting
to have the Pumpkin in the Web.  I
Thought it was in Front of Web!)

Butterflies Settled on a Wood Fence

Bananas on a Counter.  My Friend Linda (another one) Gave
me a Palette of Eye Shadow to use in my art.  I used for Wall Paper Design.
Carol Bradshaw Our Teacher did not know if it Would Last
Life the Colored Pencils.

Two Pears

Leaf with Three Drops of Rain

Someone was calling me, but I was suspicious because it wasn't from in the United States. It was 3-175-067-3676. I looked it up on the internet and found that many people have been called by this number.  Some have answered and were told there was a problem with their computer. I responded to something like this, but it was a USA phone number and foolishly gave them my credit card info and access to my computer. I freaked when I realized what I had done. My bank helped me to untangle myself from them.  My computer was acting up even though I took it in to be cleaned up. I ended up buying MAC products to cut down on my vulnerability and I'm so glad I did!  I never answer the phone now unless a person I know is calling.  My feeling is that they can leave a message. It is much safer handling it that way. 

The last time our Red Hat group met, we talked about private issues. You normally would not discuss some of this, but if one of us gets brave enough to bring it up, we find that several of us have been dealing with it.  So I brought up piddling.  I mean, I used to have a good stream, but no longer!  Sometimes I think I should sit a while longer because more might come.  Ugh!  Though my daughter Shelley is not at that point yet, she hears about issues that will be hers when she becomes our age.  It does help to have other people around who know what you are talking about.

I read a list of what people have said to this young man, Ryan Hamner who has survived four bouts with cancer.  It is initially a stunner when you first hear it.  He started this site 2Survive, a site for cancer survivors in 2011. He is a singer and songwriter encouraging others to tell their stories.   His site is 2Surviveonline.com 2Surviveonline.com.   I had a similar experience of people saying very odd things to me.   I didn't feel people were trying to be cruel.  My thought is that they just didn't think. So this was Ryan's experience:

Some HILARIOUSLY Dumb Things People have Said to Me!

So I will do my blog once a month.  I felt like I had a full time job doing it weekly. It became particularly hard when I traveled. I did it, but I had to set aside time to do this.  I appreciate that you are curious, interested in what I write. Though I have breast cancer which became a stage IV in 2007, I'm still here and it is 17 years from my first diagnosis in January 2000, then a stage II. In April of 2007 is when my husband died of cancer and my cancer had spread to my neck. Comfort measures were the words used with me then, but I think it is more than comfort measures.  I take Herceptin now because they found I was also HER2 Positive then. I refused the other chemotherapy because they had really made me sick. Why do this if I have to do it for the rest of my life?  It doesn't make sense to me.  So I'm looking for ways to live my life fully until it is my time to go. Psychologically, I'm doing okay.  I had worked through a lot of issues before, so I'm taking it day to day now.  I have some great family members and friends which can make all the difference in the world!   I love going to art classes and I'm seeing how I can do better. I've given several of my pieces away, because I have no room to put more on my walls. I see it as I'll live on through the pieces I created. It is a good feeling!  If you want to understand a little more about my background, read my intro. I have done well over 100 issues of my blog which varied a lot depending on what was going on. So thank you for reading and I will see you next month. And, if you have any thoughts on what I share or what you would like to hear, I would appreciate hearing from you!

Rachel