Total Exhaustion

My great grandson Conner is doing well.   My grandson Billy shared that he is 24 inches long and is 11 1/2 pounds.  He loves to smile and laugh a lot.  He loves to jump.  They hold him up and he pushes off on his legs and they lift him up.   He is on a soy based formula because dairy upsets his stomach.  Billy was this way too and thinks Conner inherited it from him. Here is the latest picture and short video:

No sound because I had to download it through the picture program.

It failed to download as a video, but you get the idea.

So I had a nice talk with my friend Marc, a psychiatrist I worked with.  I was telling him that I have days and times when I just have to lie down because of my back pain.  He got so excited suggesting there is probably a keyboard that would function while I was lying down.  I told him I didn't want to push myself in that direction until I really had no choice.  Anyway, I told him I was thinking of that movie "Being John Malkovich", where there is this floor in a tall high-rise that is half a floor.  I was telling him that I had told some people very senior to me in a job working in the prison that I thought we should make a second floor in the trailer that the whole mental health department for the prison was in.  Instead of a floor, I thought the desks and chairs should hang by cables and that we could have a moving ladder that could move throughout this trailer if someone wanted to get up or come down.  There would be a more open feel than having a floor. These were the Chief of Psychiatry and The Chief of Mental Health I shared this with.  The psychiatrist said "I'm sure he was on drugs when he wrote that."  I told him I thought it was very creative and I really liked my idea.  They really didn't care for it.  Oh well.  I told Marc that this could be the disabled version of "Being John Malkovich" and we could have mattresses for people like me on "the second floor" with a keyboard hanging above us.  I wonder how much work I would get done working like that.  Hmm.

Camping with Barbara Long at Lake Castaic was really wonderful when I was awake.  The problem was that I have been overdoing it for a while and I crashed.  Think of that toddler who runs and runs and then just stops in his tracks and he is out like a light.  I was taking my pain medication regularly to not experience the pain, but perhaps if I felt more of the pain, I would have slowed down.    So I slept six hours during the day and still had a full nights sleep.  When I got home, I went straight to bed in mid-afternoon and slept until morning.  Since I tended to be so tired, it didn't even occur to me to take pictures.  Before we left, I picked up a few pine cones.

For the time we would be camping, we had shopped for some special salads and desserts.  We had veggie sticks with hummus and fruit.  We ate cereal for breakfast.  Barbara Long made her wonderful vegetable bean soup we had for one dinner and we had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with veggies for the other dinner.  Very little to do and it all tasted fine. We had French Roast coffee using my French Press.  Sounds decadent, but it is quite easy and worth doing that. I brought wine for the evening  It rained later in the day on Wednesday and we ate in the tent.  This tent would accommodate 8 people if they were willing to sleep on the floor of the tent side by side.  For us, it was very roomy.  While camping, we ate out for lunch on both days.  We ate at this wonderful Japanese Restaurant for lunch called Wokcano in Valencia  We had been there before.  Had this great refreshing pear drink. I loved it.  A spice in Barbara's dish caused her a stomach upset.   The following day we looked up restaurants that were vegetarian but where they could accommodate someone who is vegan.  That place turned out to be closed, but we were in an area where there were a lot of Indian restaurants and the one we picked had great food.  It was called Indian Oven on Topanga Canyon Boulevard in Chatsworth.  After, we drove down Topanga Boulevard over the hills and ended up at the coast.  We were not sure where we were going, but we didn't care.  We just wanted to drive and look.  It was a nice drive.  We set the GPS for home and turned it off as we got close to our campground and knew where we were going.  It sure takes the stress off of driving when you are getting directions and we really didn't care if we got lost again.

We also had one van come and park in the area we were in, but they left early the next morning.  So, it was amazing to have an area so big virtually to ourselves.  The Sheriff's Department has a station on the other side of the lake and make loops through the area, so that discourages people from being much of a problem.

My class at The Bakersfield Art Association with Carol Bradshaw is going well.  I had thought I would work on my art while camping, but I slept instead.  I had gone to Open Studio at The Art and Spirituality Center working on pine cones and pine trees.  My fellow student Wayne was embarrassed by his pine cone and I was awed by how realistic it looked.  I told him he could be a botanical artist.  So I drew a pine cone another time.  I still need to work on it.  Carol has brought up several times the value of Fibonacci numbers as it pertained to doing our shells and now our pine cones.  I continue to try to get the numbers right and will keep working on it.  These are the pine trees and the last pine cone I did.  The shape next to the pine cone is what I started with to do it using the Fibonacci spiral (or numbers).  Fascinating really, even though my picture does not do it justice!

           

Shannon McDonnell and family dropping by on Saturday as she was heading north to visit with her mother for a couple of weeks in Washington.  She brought the kids (6) who were very well behaved and her mother-in-law Karen.  It was all very pleasant and they always clean up before they leave. My daughter Shelley is also like this and I really do appreciate it.  Often, I'm done in after everyone leaves and I won't deal with things for a day or two.

I picked up deli potato salad, coleslaw and put together a fruit salad.  Then I got the fixings for everyone to make their own sandwiches.  The weather was reasonable and we ate outside on my patio.  I had the fountain going and the sound effects of birds and chimes (though I have one great chime).  When Shannon comes, she takes care of things I stall on because they require strength, balance, and/or nerve. She tightened the shower nozzle, so it doesn't leak anymore among many little things that I just let go until she is around.     Though we didn't have a lot of time to just chat, we did what we could and look forward to the next trip and I hope her son PJ and her husband Patrick come.  They are always pleasant company.

Later June, my granddaughter Kayla and her best friend Mariah are going with me to my friends Family and Friends Reunion.  Martha Hence has a nice place with a pool and pool house and a river that runs through the property.  Below is a picture of me last year.  We will be camping this year also, but with a bigger tent, going in style with cots and a fan (it was quite warm, though dropped later in the evening).  Thanks Martha for sending this picture to me.

This next week is a full week for me.  I'll have to work in breaks.  Two graduate, Kayla Kline from Junior High and Heather Estes from High School.  Much more going on and I will share next Sunday.  Please check out below and share this blog if you feel others would benefit.  And, I'll see you next Sunday.

Writer Lizzy Miles who work in hospice as a social worker and started the first Death Cafe in the United States connected with me on Google Plus, seeing my blog.  She is one very interesting woman.   I downloaded one of the books she wrote Somewhere In Between: The Hokey Pokey, Chocolate Cake and The Shared Death Experience to my Kindle for 99 cents.   She also has gone through multiple deaths in her family.  Below is a video about her starting the first Death Cafe in the United States.  It had already been in Europe.  The idea is to take death away from being a taboo subject that we can all discuss.  We are all going to go through this, so why not?  Following that was a wonderful video called James - Moving On which was very touching.  I will order my own.  I'm sure you'll like it.

Westerville Home to First Death Cafe in U.S.

James - Moving On by JamesVEVO

First single from the new James album La Petite Mort, out 2 June.
Pre-order the album from http://wearejames.com and receive an instant download of 'Moving On' and 'Frozen Britain'.

CD & vinyl from http://po.st/JamesStore
Amazon CD & 2LP - http://po.st/JamesAmazon
iTunes - http://po.st/LPMJamesItunes

Video by BAFTA award winning animator Ainslie Henderson.
Directed by Ainslie Henderson
Animation by Ainslie Henderson, Michael Hughes
Model Making by Tobias Feltus
To view more of Ainslie's work, please visit www.ainsliehenderson.com

• 
  

Can I Write?

On Monday there was a beautiful quilt shared by someone on wimp.com.  This person's step-father had the quilt made from his wife's clothes.  I'll assume it was a daughter who go it, because there is no identification as to who shared this.  Now the daughter pulls it out every Mother's Day in remembrance of her mother.

I already had the thought of taking all the t shirts I have, some having belonged to Paul and making a quilt out of that.  Perhaps I'll take a class in that or see if I can talk Shelley into doing it (or maybe we can do it together).  The problem is that Shelley has an incredibly full life and I don't want her to be burdened with a "have-to".  But even after I'm gone, I think it would still be a great idea.

Here is an incident my mother wrote about.  I very much remember this, because we all started laughing hysterically afterwards, because I think we really did think God had just answered us.

YOU BE JESUS AND I'LL BE GOD

When the kids said they were Jewish, the neighborhood kids

asked them if they wouldn't like to learn to pray so they

could be American.

Before their parents could clarify the situation, the

children were all kneeling in the living room.

Friend Sally said to Ben, "Now you be Jesus and

I'll be God".

"Okay," Ben folded his hands and they all closed their eyes

just as George, their father, was coming up the hallway.

Sally said, "Now, after me:  "Dear God....." as she

piously waited for the response.

George pitched his voice very low and slowly sad:

"Y-e-s?"

Here is a picture of my dad, George with his mother Fannie and a picture of my brother Ben, maybe around four years old.

Here are a few pictures from Mothers Day.  Jennifer and her children Crystal, Kayla and Devin didn't get in the act.  Kayla's friend Mariah also was there.  Shelley always gets pictures.  Alyssa's boyfriend Jeremy, his mother Diana and sister Brooke also came.  Breanna, Alyssa's and Heather's little sister was also there. Heather was with her boyfriend's family.

Rachel and Shelley

Kevin, Shelley and Alyssa

Alyssa, Kevin, Shelley, Jeremy, Diana and Brooke

Heather received an award Monday night for how well she did at Highland High School  She received The Golden State Seal for outstanding achievement in the California Standards Tests.  Her boyfriend Wesley, her parents Shelley and Chris and I went.  Got pictures, but Wesley is not in them.

Chris, Heather and Shelley

Heather and Shelley

Rachel and Heather

We agreed to go out Saturday night to Macaroni Grill for a celebration.  Heather, her boyfriend Wesley, Shelley and I were there.  Very nice get together.  I "grilled" Wesley on his future plans.  He is working to become an electrician.  That is a good profession.   Heather's plan is to go on to Bakersfield College first.  She was a GATE student which is way beyond the regular student in intelligence.  She finished high school early and finds the talk of most kids her age as superficial.  I think she could be really bored with the things most of us do and perhaps even by the talk of people who are not where she is.  If she had a higher degree, she has a better chance of working independently or doing something she really loves that she wouldn't see as just a "job".  I saw her becoming an engineer, doctor, scientist, geologist, anthropologist, mathematician, something using that great intelligence she has.  I gave her the talk about it being much easier to do things earlier in life because life interferes with plans later.  She has so much to give the world.  I hate to see us denied of this.

I enjoy going to The Art and Spirituality Center.  I had another session on drawing in the healing garden. Below is the result of that.  Another fountain there.   There are at least five fountains in that garden.  I really love it.  Also, the open studio there is a great setting for just working on what you have.  The music and setting are soothing.

 My friend Kimberley who volunteers at the Art and Spirituality Center recommended a musical at The Empty Space called Into the Woods which she praised highly saying her children, Kenna and Jackson wanted to go again.  They are still playing next weekend if you want to make reservations (give them a call). A friend and two of my grand kids were tied up so I decided to go alone.  I am so glad I went.  It was a fantastic musical done by a fantastic theater group.  I promise, you will not be disappointed if you go. Recommended donation is $15 each, students and seniors are $10 each (this is a real deal).  Call 661-327-7529 to reserve seats.  Leave a message saying which show, your name and phone number and how many seats.  If there is a problem accommodating you, they will call you back.  This is their Facebook page: The Empty Space and this is their web page: The Empty Space.  They are on Oak Street in Bakersfield, CA.

No class with Carol Bradshaw this week.  She did contact us by email and we will be doing goats as the next animal we attempt to draw.  I'm also collecting seascapes and landscapes.  She is suggesting getting a picture with a waterfall.  I really want to work on water and make it seem like it is really flowing and rippling. I'll also continue to work on my pine cone.

I've read a couple of books I would like to tell you about.   The first book was The Sheep Walker's Daughter by Sydney Avey.  I enjoyed this one.  A woman I met at a writing class told me the author was at Barnes and Noble, so I went by and got a copy signed for me and my daughter Shelley.  This was about a granddaughter finding her roots.  Her mother was kept in the dark about her father's heritage.  Her grandmother died and this started a search for roots by the granddaughter and a search for meaning for the daughter.  It is a touching story and also touches on the relationships between mothers and daughters which can be so complicated.  I really did enjoy this one and recommend it as a good read.  The other one was The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav.  I was not impressed with this book, but I'm in the minority about this. This writer talks about angels and reincarnation as if they are facts.  I don't buy into this.  I use the word Karma and think about what I do will be reflected in the treatment of me by others.  In this book, it talks about it perhaps being in another life, perhaps hundreds of years later.  How it was approached makes it seem that poor people are dealing with Karma from a previous life.  I can't abide by that.  This makes the victims the bad guys.  Sorry, this is not acceptable to me.  I was okay about growth we can have and the need to work together.  I see science as a wonderful field though and I certainly didn't get the feeling of that in this book.  I also just found it difficult to wade through as if it was a text book.

On Saturday morning I went to the Kern Writers meeting.  I have never been to something like this.  There were published and non-published writers there.  They urged us to consider joining and then get in a critique group where you would get supportive feedback from others if you were aiming to publish.  A person has to hand in three examples of their writing and pay the nominal fee.  It is not necessary to be a published writer. Several people who were in the writing group at Art for Healing were there.  One writer Don Thompson shared from his book Local Color, poems or the places, people and events of Kern County.  He uses words so well!  I think I will submit my writing.  I'd like to associate with these people.

Barbara Long worked on putting up the tent she bought because we are doing a short camping trip this next week.  Of course, we would pick the hottest day and the hottest time of the day to do this!  We sat on her patio which was lovely.  She fixed it up and it is a wonderful place to lounge now.  While there, we kept hearing a very young kitten crying that to me sounded like it was in distress.  We found two of the kittens knotted up in a string trellis for tomatoes.  The mom pick this place without Barbara's permission and growled as we tried to get close.  She is feral and was threatening us, so I sprayed mom when she was upset with Barbara being too close.  Barbara had to take a knife to cut the strings.  It was slow going and I was sure one of them was strangled, but when we checked later, there was definite movement and they were nursing.

Barbara and I shopped for our food, picking things that were healthy and also very tasty.  We split the booty to place in each of our refrigerators.

Today I packed up the car for our camping trip.  There was also a film at The Art and Spirituality Center called "Happy"  It was a good documentary.  It has received multiple awards and it has created a movement. If you are interested, go to their website The Happy Movie.

Pretty full week.  Please share this if you feel someone would benefit by it.  Thank you for reading and I will see you next week.              Rachel

Mothers Day this Week

What an interesting and full week.  Conner has had a cold that he got from everyone else in the house.   My grandson Billy is still sick.  I really do not want to be around him when he is sick, because then I would get sick.  Hopefully he is better soon.  I want Billy, Meaghan and Conner to come over for lunch when everyone is well.  I hope they will be able to do that.  I have many pictures to give them of Billy's family that I hope when Conner is an adult and has his own children, he will have some of his history.  It is nice to see where you came from.  This gives him half the picture.    I also have pictures from my camera that I want to give them.  I have had problems with my printer and ended up getting a new one.  I want to actually make a disk of these pictures to use as they would like and also I'd like to make a slide show of the pictures I have accumulated.  If they send me other pictures, I would include them.   I used to do this all the time and got quite good at putting together these disks.  I haven't done it in years, but would enjoy doing it again.  Conner is looking good though.

On Monday my friend Barbara Long and I went to see The Perfect Gentlemen at the Rabobank Theater.  It was Cinco de Mayo and we didn't want to get caught up in the crowds ahead of time, so we went to The Garden Spot.  Food was so refreshing, reasonably priced and offers more than salads, though I could just settle for a salad.  We both commented that we each have always liked the food here and that it was odd that it rarely occurs to us to come here.  We are going to make a point of considering it in the future.  The show was great.  Very talented.  Much more than a barber shop quartet.  Lots of humor and the music was more than just barber shop quartet style.  One piece was taking one song and singing most of the styles done in the 20th century.  Very creative and funny.   There was a preshow in the lobby of an elementary school Mariachi band.  They were from College Heights Elementary School.  They got rave reviews from all of us.  It was very hard to think that they were so young.  Their leader Nick Olmos has been noted for being a fantastic teacher.  I can see this.  I don't see children at this age usually doing this well.  Bravo! Last show for the season  Need to get my season ticket.  It is worth the price of $80 for the quality of all eight shows that are booked each year.  Check out the Bakersfield Community Concert Association to get your season ticket.  Way cheaper than buying them at the door even if you miss two or three of them.  For details, visit www.bakersfieldcaa.org

Spent quite a bit of time at the Bakersfield Art and Spirituality Center, for sessions and to work on my art. One of the sessions led by Norma Neal was drawing something in the Healing Garden at Mercy Hospital.  So peaceful.  I really could sit there for hours.  I think all hospitals should have something like this.  Considering the stress that people are under with medical problems, this is a place to let go and let peace wash over you.  The first picture is of a fountain with plant in the garden.  The second picture was my attempt at drawing pine trees and pine cones.

On Saturday I went to a session "A Time to Write" led by Annis Cassells.  What a wonderful person!  She made it very comfortable to write by using playful techniques to help draw out our creativity and to silence the critic going off in our head telling us we don't have what it takes.  Very thoughtful and worth the investment of time to go.   In addition, she invited us the the Kern County Writers group which will meet this Saturday.  We don't have to be a published writer to go.  They do an educational part at these meetings and they are also very supportive of each other.  I put it on my calendar and hope to go.  While there, a fellow participant recommended a book being sold at Barnes and Noble, letting us know the author was there signing her books.  I enjoyed meeting her.  I picked up two copies, one for my daughter Shelley and one for me.  It is titled The Sheep Walker's Daughter by Sydney Avey.  I look forward to reading it.  Briefly, it is about a mother's deathbed confession to family that what they knew about their family heritage was not true.  So the daughter checks into what she finds out which leads to even more questions.  Shelley and I are going to make a trip to the Sacramento area for her to look at where she lived as a young girl.  It is an adventure examining your roots and I hope that time will be good for us both.

Had my art class with Carol Bradshaw.  I worked on a lighthouse.  It has a lot of problems with it, but it is coming along.  I'll work on drawing it again.  We are also drawing a pine cone for next class.  I also asked about drawing pine trees.  You can see above my work on that.  Carol is going to take a week off each month, so we will have a little more time to work on our assignments.  This next one will be a week from this coming Thursday.  See below my lighthouse (I found out from my fellow student that the light comes from the glass room at the top, not a beacon light - will work on this) and my redo of the birdhouse and nest.  It is coming along.  We have another student, Deb.  Her skills are quite a bit beyond us.  She is drawing her Doberman and I thought it was excellent.  Anyway, we enjoy the interactions with others so this is fine if she can tolerate us.

We had our Red Hat Dinner at The Red Pepper since this was the week of Cinco de Mayo.  Great food and ALWAYS great camaraderie with my fellow Red Hatters.  One thing they asked was what happened with the plumber two blogs back.  Well, I didn't call the plumber, but I should have.  I used a wrench to tighten it each day, but I stopped after the third day because at least it wasn't squirting out of the shower.  My niece Shannon McDonnell will be passing through town on the way north to visit her mother Kerri Buttler in Washington in the near future. She will have six kids with her, several who are older among them; I think someone can help me.

It also dawned on my that I showed my husband Paul and me in a costume telling you it was our wedding picture.  It was done at a photo studio.  I just didn't tell you where we married.  We married while on vacation in Thailand in 2004 in a town named Ayuthaya, the first capital of Siam.    In the United States, we generally wouldn't wear an outfit like this. 

I also had a chemo session, but there really is nothing to talk about in regard to this.  I just do it every three weeks.  If something ever stands out, I'll share it. 

And finally, Mothers Day today was at my home.  Shelley and Jennifer with their children came.  There were also guests of the children which was just fine.  Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.  We ate on the back patio.  With my fountain, the sound of running water and some lovely chimes, it made it all idyllic.  Food came out well, the weather was perfect in the mid 70's.  

Okay, I'm done.  I think I may have done a little too much because my back is aching.  I'm off to lie down and contemplate how fortunate I am to have the family I have.  I hope everyone else had a lovely Mothers Day.  See you next week.           Rachel

Seventh Anniversary of Paul's Death

Last June at my friend Martha Elizalde Hense's Home

My great grandson Conner is almost a month old.  I don't hear much, but I have been getting pictures.  My grandson Billy has been sick for a week and I'm looking forward to him feeling better and spending the day at my home.  So, I had to get some pictures.  Billy sent me a couple and the other was from checking Facebook.

I set the DVR for most of my television viewing so I can watch programs I wouldn't otherwise see. CBS News Sunday Morning focused on issues about death and dying - The first was Mitch Albom who wrote Tuesdays with Morrie  (which was an excellent book) and who has done a lot of people oriented activities since and said "When I lose people, I recognize how small I really am in this whole picture";then,  a town where well over 90% of the adults had completed an Advance Directive; then, how comedians "die" on the stage; and then,  Is there a good death? - a man invited a photographer into his life when he was dying. Most wants to die at home with family around, but only one in four do this.  This man wrote  a memoir, had his cat there and listened to classical music; the losing of a loved one who had a long and full life is still painful.
What is so good about all this is taking the subject of death and dying out of the closet and encouraging a public conversation on what people are thinking about but will not say out loud.

I went to Hart Park again. It was warm in the sun and cool in the shade. I was near ducks and geese and I had my camera with me and when I would move toward them they would raise a ruckus.  When I stayed at the table, they were fine. People came by to feed the ducks  and geese but generally they did not get upset with them. After these people left, they situated themselves by me standing on one leg and tucking their head or sitting on the ground with their eyes closed. It seemed like nap time after eating. I also worked on drawing my birdhouse and nest while I was there.   My proportions are wrong in terms of getting perspective of lines which are further away.  Robert a man who comes to Art for Healing recommended the butterfly to balance the picture.  Good idea!

My friend Leslie Gillin's mother died a year ago this last Monday. She asked if some of her friends would join her for dinner at California Pizza Kitchen for support. Well, two other friends I know were there.  I met Jan Wiley at Art for Healing and we took a drawing class at Bakersfield College through their adult learning program The Levan Institute.   Donna Collier who was an RN at the Health Department working with HIV positively diagnosed people. I contracted with that program as a social worker and we became very close as a result of that work. She came to the memorial service for my husband.   That was such a bad time for me I don't remember.  Anyway Leslie was going to her meditation teacher Francine Papadimitrakis's home to release a lighted sky lantern as a way to release good thoughts, prayers and/or messages to our loved one who has died. We were invited. She served us a pleasant dessert that was a part of her Greek culture and then we had a very nice conversation about yoga, meditation healing, etc.   She had us deal with these lanterns in twos since they were quite big. We lit this black square which sent heat into the lantern and rose very high and either moved out of our vision or went out on its own.  She said she couldn't find sky lanterns locally and had ordered them online.  I will also check Francine's classes at The Yoga Space in Bakersfield. She uses a healing model which is something I could use.  It was a magical experience and I think that the Jerdin Family might want to do this.  We are going to do the sky lanterns on Paul's birthday at Shelley's home.   I ordered the sky lanterns through Amazon.com. I'll pick up a dessert and as soon as the sun has disappeared, we will light these and send positive energy from us to Paul.  I believe it will be cathartic.

 Wednesday, April 30th was the seventh anniversary of my husband Paul's death. I still miss him and probably always will. I went to the cemetery where his ashes are and where I've made arrangements for my ashes to go. The setting is very peaceful and I talk to him when I'm there.  We were married April 12, so it makes for a month of remembering.  It is okay, even if I do cry.  We had pictures done while we were there, though our marriage was a civil ceremony.  We went to a photography studio and pointed at our rings and hugged each other.  They didn't speak English, but they did understand that.  Below is one of the pictures taken and then I did a "selfie" at the cemetery with Paul.

I realize this is very odd to some people.  I would like it to be a natural and if people want to talk about they should be able to.  It helps me and I hope it helps you.  Let's get the conversation going.  See you next Sunday.            Rachel