Friday, February 17, 2017

Is It Back?

I took a flight out of LAX to see friends in Oregon.   So I stayed with my high school friend Barbara who lives about a half hour from the airport. I had left my coat there on my last visit, so I was able to collect it while there. Though my visit was short, I'll be visiting her soon and we paid to go to our class reunion in October.   I'm thinking positively.

I got a chance to visit my friends Susan and Jennifer in Portland, Oregon.  I haven't seen them in 2 1/2 years.  It was so great to see them again!  They have such a nice home that is perfect for two people.  I gave them a picture I had done of two pears which Jennifer found a place on their living room wall.  It looked great where they put it. 

Susan and Jennifer on their
back patio


My Colored Pencil Painting of
Two Pears
Jennifer found a place on the wall


Jennifer had to work most of the time, but I saw her when we were at the house. She was on call, responding to calls at home.  Jennifer and Susan work in Hospice.  Susan took me out exploring. I loved it!  This town is a perfect fit for them.  We went to this bookstore, Powell's, the largest independent and used bookstore in the world.  It was one city block and four stories tall. I got lost on the first floor and asked a clerk how to get where I wanted. One of the books I bought was The Soul of an Octopus by Sy Montgomery.  What a great story.  This woman and others at an Aquarium develop relationships with octopuses in this setting. They actually like each other!  Such a different species it is hard to imagine, but they do.  It is a true story that is touching.  Now I can't eat octopus! 

We also went to this city block where the outside by the sidewalk was all food trucks (nothing I could see inside the block).  They had variety of foods and you could see the most popular by the lines.

Food Trucks Around a City Block
I liked this sign in a business's window


Mount Hood was completely covered with snow. It was overcast and cold while I was there but it made everything stand out and was a nice backdrop for the mountain. I was bundled well, so I was very comfortable.  I didn't get a picture!

We also went to what had been an elementary school, Kennedy School which was bought by McMenamins, they repurposed it into a hotel, bars, restaurants, movie theater (with couches and love seats!), and specialty stores. We stopped at a pub there having beer and tater tots (like we eat fries!). Though my friends think McMenamins fails at food, the settings are very creative!  They have many other buildings they have repurposed and done well with that part, but like I said, not the food. 


It was quite chilly in Portland, but I was warm
with what I wore
There were snow piles that still had not
melted

We are looking down on the bar, but there is seating
up here and a level below.  Very interesting fence to
keep people from falling made out of odds and ends
I enlarged it so you can see the details.

Susan in this neat bar - Instead of French Fries
They Do Tater Tots

We also went to a couple of stores selling used furniture, one in the industrial area by the water.  Fascinating!  We also shopped for organic food in a small independent store.  Very different from what I'm used to which made it that much more fun!

Susan is a top notch chef.  We had some meals at home that were worthy of high-end restaurants.  We also ate out at great places. I had such a wonderful time, I am hoping to return!

My trip was great. There were protesters at the airports in Portland and in LAX heading home. There were no problems.  There was singing and chanting about cutting off Muslim immigrants coming to the United States. Many of us live and work next to people who are Muslim and don't see them as a problem in our country. Perhaps if he had selected countries where terrorists from 9/11 did come from, it might make more sense, though all the Muslims I have met are peaceful. I'm not willing to write off these people.  We seem barbaric doing this and intolerant when it is the variety of people here which I believe makes us, the United States special.  I heard something on TV the other night where someone being interviewed called the president  President Von Munchhausen.   I thought it was funny for those who work in mental health. 

When I returned to LAX, I drove to my step-mom Kate's home so I wouldn't have to drive as far at night.  Actually, I haven't driven at night for a long time and I did fine. That was really a relief!

I have had an area on top of an upper rib that seems off.  I had been thinking it was the space/dent by it, that it was sinking.   Then a week ago, I woke up feeling it was tender.  I was more aware of that area.  When I went to chemotherapy,  I showed two RN's who said my Oncologist should see it. He came in at the end of my treatment and asked me how long I have known about it.  I said two months, but I thought it was a dent that was the issue. Then the past week I noticed it was on top of a rib. So I had a CAT scan checking all areas breast cancer can metastasize to.   I am going to see friends up north, Marykay and Mike.  I don't want to know bad news when I see them.  I would love good news, but there is no assurance of this.   

I love to do word and number problems.  What I'm noticing is that I am rarely getting the Evil level now and not getting the Hard very much.  I am down to Difficult.  I have been in a state of not wanting to get up and out, but I think this part is related to my mood. I think I was feeling down about all this. I haven't been working on my art. Then I thought about all the tasks I needed to accomplish, like changes in my checking account and doing my taxes.  So I got on a roll taking care of this and I felt more energetic and got lots of it accomplished.  Then I realized that what keeps me upbeat is being involved, being active.   When I'm really at the end, I think I'll be okay with it.  Watching my father and husband, when they were letting go, they were obviously ready for it to be over.  Seeing this, I believe I will be similar. 

I missed some art classes, partly because of what I was doing and other reasons why class was canceled.  I couldn't get myself motivated to work on my art. I called my teacher Carol letting her know what I was going through, that I had done nothing and thinking I shouldn't go. She said there was no problem if I didn't go, but she thought I'd feel better if I went. She was right.  I'm glad I went.  We are working on rocks again, but using colored pencils. One assignment I did not do was a weathered door. At class, fellow classmate Peggy shared what she did. It was awesome!  Ready to be framed.  So I don't think I'll give up on that.  Her work was stimulating to me, the jump start I needed!  Another classmate Roline took one of my digital pictures of my kitties Pepper and Daisy and did a wonderful portrait of them, though they look younger than they are. I was talking with my friend Janet and she felt that just like people their faces draw down as they get older. Huh!   I hadn't thought of that, but maybe so.  I loved it!  So I bought it and will have it framed.

My Kitties, Pepper and Daisy
Done by Roline Loung
a classmate in my art class

I read articles and books. I want to hear about others experiences with their own death or of someone close to them.  Our reactions are universal in a lot of respects even if we have individual idiosyncrasies. I noted this in hospice when I was a social worker.  Since we don't know about it until our time has come, I want to understand what I can beforehand. Some people think we know from near death experiences, and, maybe we do, I want to know what I can know.  And, I want my family to know this.   It lessens my anxiety and fear and I hope it lessens their anxiety and fear. 


This first one was from NPR and was heard on Fresh Air.



This one came from Wimp.com



And I really like this. I have already made arrangements where my ashes will go (by Paul), but if I hadn't done this, I love this idea!



The grieving need you most after the funeral.  By John Pavlovitz at his site johnpavlovitz.com 



There are physical pain associated with a breakup or loss of someone you love. I felt it intensely and it doesn't feel good. This is very brief pointing out the effects of a breakup or loss of a person you were very close to.   This is from IFLScience.com



And, finally this from NPR


So next time I write, I'll know the results from the CAT Scan and if something needs to be done, hopefully, I'll be doing it. I also hope I have a picture or two to share.   I do hope you are doing well and I'll be here next month.           Rachel