Getting Things Done!

A six part series starts tomorrow night on PBS. It s called - Cancer: The Emperor of All Maladies. Though I know the subject can be depressing, there are also things to be hopeful about. I believe from my reading that a cure is around the corner. Look  for this program in your guide. 

Simon is a crafts man. 

 I had the television on and heard Angie's List come on. I normally don't hear ads because I record it, but it was on and I have lots of issues around my home which need to be dealt with- Mostly electrical.  So I looked them up and the cost to join, if they were helpful was okay. So I joined and immediately looked  for an electrician. It lists how many reviews each got and the grade given to them.   You can also read all the reviews. I made a list of all my electrical problems and sent it off to the one with the most and highest reviews- Rankin Electric.   I got a response by the end of the day. They could do all of them except one.  The one they couldn't do requires an appliance repair person. The electrician came and fixed the electrical problems which all turned out to be relatively simple so it was just one hour of labor ($70), plus I got a gift card for Dewar's Ice Cream and Candy.  This is a local specialty which had been praised on Huell Howser's show called California's Gold.

The baking element in my built-in oven broke. I emailed a supply business through Angie's List, AppliancePartsPros.Com, having taken a picture of the element in the oven and the metal tag with the information on this oven. They did a search and found the part in less than an hour.  Though I thought the part fairly expensive ($146), I know that something built in 1960 wouldn’t be everywhere therefore more expensive. In addition, since it is a built-in, I cannot afford to do the cabinetry, which would be required because ovens are not this small anymore.  So,  really, I am pleased.  Problem solved.  These are the two pictures I sent to make it easier for them to see the problem and get the right part.  It does wonders to have a camera built into the phone!  I received the part yesterday and now I will call an appliance repairperson to put the new one in.

Element Broke off on the Right Side

The Tag in the Oven

                                                                                                                 
My great-grandson Conner is walking a lot now.  I cannot show videos because my granddaughter-in-law has them blocked beyond those who have permission to view her page.  I'll show a picture of him standing when she puts it up.

In my healing art class, we did intuitive art. Everyone else's pictures had a lighter touch than mine. We used acrylic paint doing a Mandala and one free form. Then we did a picture using our fingers with a moon reflection in water, boats, clouds and birds. You use your favorite color and white paint. I used green. That was interesting. I also ordered a book on intuitive painting because there are only two more of these classes.  I think exploring this area sounds good.

Mandala

Free Form

Moon with Reflection on Water, Sail Boats, Clouds and Birds

Our class with Carol Bradshaw went well. We worked on our flat wash and also the graduated wash. I'm showing Carol's pictures because it is very clear what the difference is.   The lines are for trees I'll put on shortly.

Carol Bradshaw's Layers of Five Flat Washes

Carol Bradshaw's Layers of Five Gradated Washes

Carol Bradshaw's Two Tinted Gradated Washes Started on Each Side

                                                   

My Five Layers of Flat Washes Trees Not In

My Five Layers of Gradated Washes  Trees Not In
(I really have to work on this one!)

I finished my tax return and got it in the mail. I used Taxact.com.  It is designed to give you as much guidance as you need. Phew!  I'm so glad to have that done!

My friend Barbara had her house tented for termites.  She spent two nights here. She had a heavy schedule but we carved out some time during the first day and had dinner at Rosa's.

I went to see my friend Annemarie and then we drove up to see a mutual friend Lynette and her husband Simon.   We stayed in their guest room. I brought my cot and bedding. Annmarie got the bed.  Lynette is a psychologist as is Annemarie.  I used to work with them and we still hold on to our friendship.  Lynette's husband Simon is a master craftsman.  He does wonderful things with wood.  He wants the wood to be the star so he is into simplicity to allow this to show.  He is great with floors, cabinets and furniture.  I'm sure he does other things too.  His work is high end, so he cannot afford many of the items he makes for others.  While we were out at this restaurant in Fresno called Five, the word got around that he had designed a dining room at another restaurant which I understand is gorgeous.   Several people wanted to shake his hand.  They thought I must be a part of this and turned to me and I said, "Oh, I'm just his substitute mom."  Don't know why I said that, but I did.   I hope on a future visit we can have dinner in this dining room.  I would be willing to pay a little more to just try this out.  The only part I don't think I can afford would be the wine.  I would be willing to drink most of the wine before going there and split a bottle there.  Maybe I can afford that.  Simon has done wonderful things with their home using his woodworking skills- Really makes their home special.

When we drove back to Annmarie's home, we went to the art gallery in Hanford where two of her pictures were displayed.  That was lots of fun!  Such talent.  We are looking at her coming on a Saturday and spending the night here.  We saw some beautiful work with mosaic tiles.  So we are thinking that each of use might do that.  Mine will be for my patio.

The change in my pain medications has made it easier to do the things I want to do.  I am much more comfortable.  In May, I will get cortisone injections around my spine where the discs are slipping and where it is compressed.  No guarantees, but if it lessens the pain, I will be doing even better.

I've mentioned Brain Pickings Weekly before.  It is really excellent.  They review books you might want to consider getting.   Well one of the articles is "7 Unusual Children's Books that Help Kids Make Sense of Death."  I was trying to put an attachment but couldn't make it work.  They would appreciate a donation, so if you go there, think of the quality of the information you are getting.  This comes to my email.  Check it out.

Well that is it for the week.  I have quite a bit scheduled next week as well.  I enjoy it.  I think the smoothies I am drinking are increasing my stamina.  It is worth it!  Tastes good too!  One of my friends Jody found an article in The New York Times about adding grains to give it staying power.  I do that.  I have been adding, flax seed, chia seed, wheat germ and a cereal  that you would usually have with milk.  One of these days I'm going to cook up quinoa and put some in.  My friend Barbara thought the texture would not be pleasant.  Well I put ice in it and it seems somewhat like a shake which is okay with me.

See you next Sunday.  Have a good week.           Rachel

Such a Variety!

I know I repost things on Facebook because I agree, that it reminds me of me or those around us, it is funny or it is cute. So there was this one of a woman who goes to handle something, gets distracted and keeps moving never getting anything done. 

That is not quite me.  I do get things done, but not necessarily the intended thing or I get a lot more done than the intended task.

For example, one morning this week I knew I needed to pick up a few items for my art class. I thought I'd take my pills with me. I left my water in my bedroom. I go to get that and decide I need to make the bed. I then can't find my cell phone. That whole process leads me to change the batteries in the smoke alarm in the garage because it was beeping.  Now I don't remember where I set down my pills. So I decide to take another load of laundry out to the garage to start. When I bend down to put the laundry in, I see my cell phone on top of the washer. I put it in my pocket. I go to the living room to get my purse and see my pills. I go back to my bedroom to get the water. So during this process, I made the bed, changed the batteries in the smoke alarm, started a load of laundry and moved a load to the dryer in addition to getting all the stuff I thought I needed for my drive across town.   Is that multitasking?  There have been times I have spent all day and into the evening doing this. This last incident was only an hour. 

In my class with Nina Landgraff, she had us do exercises using acrylic paint. We drew a fairly large circle on two pieces of paper for acrylic.  Then we divided the circles into twelve wedges.  Then we did a color wheel but the labels we put on each color was the emotion we sensed with that color. It would not necessarily be something that others would feel. She suggested we keep it up to note how we are feeling or to pick a color to help us out.

The second circle, she asked us to put the colors we were feeling then. She told us not to overthink it, and it was okay to have the same color in different wedges. 

Then we took one of the colors that evoked a negative feeling. We were asked to put the color on the paper, then start mixing colors we liked in with the color we didn't like.  In the process of doing this, it would help in looking at the color in a positive light and then have a positive feeling about the original color. This is what I did.  The blue was somewhat of a negative color to me.

Class with Carol Bradshaw at the Bakersfield Art Center was very good.  We brought in the washes we had done and then we started a picture of mountain ranges using a wash with each one, but making the next one just a little darker. It was a good experience.  She suggested we get stencils to put on our washes. So I now have some I got at Michael's.   She also suggested using a little more pen sporadically on my seaside town and put a flag on the largest boat. She wants me to darken the green on my butterfly picture.  She has talked to us to think of mama, papa, baby for size of areas and for intensity of color.  My yellow and green are similar in intensity, so I need to make a change. It will be done before class, but not this blog.  We also worked on doing several washes of mountain ranges. I still need to put trees in.                                                                                                          

I used a brush for stenciling, but with watercolor- little detail.

I used a watercolor brush and different colors- lots of detail

Chimneys outlined, sporadic use of pen for outlining and flag on one boat

Five layered washes.  In final picture, I won't have pencil in it.
I'll also put in trees                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

The Helping One Dinner was very nice this week. I identify with the woman, Elisa Analla, who was honored this week. Very touching. She got lots of support which I feel will really be helpful to her.  Since the event was on Saint Patrick's Day, they had a traditional meal done by The Marriott of corned beef and cabbage. The Marriott has been doing a lovely job being the venue for Helping One Woman in Visalia.  Martha and I went to The Runway for breakfast.  Quite good and a nice setting!  It's at their local airport.

I sent a message to my endocrinologist about the question of taking calcium and Prilosec. My friend Vicki who brought this up is smart and I didn't take her concern lightly.   She thought that the Prilosec would affect how much calcium my body would absorb.  Well my doctor told me to take calcium citrate instead of calcium carbonate because calcium citrate does not depend on stomach acid to break it down. I always  wondered why there were two types of calcium.  I think there are other calciums too.  Pharmacists have told me it didn't matter which one I took when I asked in the past.   I also found calcium carbonate to be much more common and cheaper than calcium citrate. You really have to check the label. 

Because I have been juicing, it has thrown off the levels of Coumadin in my body. So it has been increased to accommodate my change. I'm glad they are able to adjust the dosage, because I think the increased greens and therefore Vitamin K has gone up. But these greens have multiple benefits and I want to continue it. 

I saw the doctor at the pain clinic. He said in addition to the compression fracture, I have several discs that are slipping. I'm going back on morphine with Percocet and I'm scheduled for two separate injections in my back with cortisone which might lessen the pain.  I will have to do the injections of Lovenox again around this. Ugh!  I never thought I could get used to it, but I think I am.  My friend Janet will be my driver again.   I need to learn that if it happens once, it is possible it will happen again instead of fooling myself that I am over something. Really, I have been learning to think like that, because it is so much less stressful if you have in your head it could happen again. Because when I do it this way (it won't happen again, I'm disappointed that I have to go through it again.  I just cope much better if I leave that option on the table.  I also don't want to take morphine unless I have lots of pain, so I will not use it regularly until I have to. 

Janet and I had lunch at Muertos. Good food!  I had the Ahi tacos. The horseradish sauce was so hot but tasty. I think I'll ask them next time to thin it out some to cut the heat. It was almost hard to breathe. Janet had a very hot burger, but she loves the heat.  I took her over to The Bakersfield Art Center which she really enjoyed.  I love showing this place off to friends. It is so nice. My teacher Carol Bradshaw was there with another student. It turned out Janet had met her when she walked her dog Poopy. Since Poopy died six months ago, she cannot  get herself to do the same walk she used to do. Too painful. 

I went out to lunch with my friends Lisa, Charmaine and Janet at The Pyrenees Cafe in old town Bakersfield. The setup was very good as were the Bloody Marys.  I didn't care for my Ossobuco (tough and made with beef), Lamb Shank (Janet said it was blah) and Fish and Chips (Charmaine thought it was too bready).  Lisa got a tuna salad which she liked. The dining room was remodeled but maintains the feel of the family dining.  I don't know if I'd go back but there were a lot of people there. We made a reservation and I would recommend doing that if you go there. 

I went to the Baby Shower for Meagan who is due in early May. It was good. They held it at a pizza parlor and had extra foods beyond what they provide. Very enjoyable.  This will be my second great-grandson. His name is Kason. 

Barbara and I saw Insurgent. I didn't like it nearly as much as Divergent.  It was more action and much less of a story line.   We then went out for Chinese food at Ching Yen on Columbus Street. The food is fresh and tasty. Since Barbara is vegan, she ordered the food. We each had enough for another meal.   I loved it. I don't know why I don't think of this place when I think Chinese;  it would is worth it. 

Here is an incredibly cute picture of Meagan with Conner sitting on Kason (Meagan is pregnant and due in about six weeks).                                                             

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Another full week!  I hope your week went well.  I'll see you next Sunday.           Rachel  

Taking Control Again

One thought which has helped me on getting through the negative is the need to take control of my own life where I can. This has nothing to do with controlling others. There are lots of things that happen, even to us, where we cannot control it. For me, it was seeing people important to me dying and me getting cancer. It struck me how little control I did have. But, there are ways to take control of our lives. I do it by upping my veggies and fruits, by taking an art class, by refusing to be used by others. I'm sure there is more I can do, but I know if I make it too hard or too much, I won't do it. These things have helped me to cope. So I challenge you. You don't have to share with me or anyone else. You don't have to have cancer or have lost anyone. We all have our challenges in life. When stuff happens though, it makes us examine out lives much more. If you do exactly what you are doing, there is no reason for your situation to change. Pick something and stick with it. I think you will be surprised to see an impact on your life. 

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Daisy, one of my kitties has been closely observing me. I kept finding my clean pajamas on the floor and my lowest builti-in drawer open. At first I wondered if it was me, but I don't put clean clothes on the floor and I don't leave drawers and cupboards open. It happened again, with much of what was in that drawer removed. I think she was climbing in there. You might wonder why I don't blame Pepper. This is not like her personality. Anyway, I caught Daisy doing it again last night and yelled at her. She stopped but she figured I wouldn't stop her if I wasn't there. Now she is doing it when I'm not around, but not wide enough to get in. I think she is doing it because it is there and she can. She can't be getting in with how wide she is making it. Each time I put it away, she pulls them out again. I've ordered a childproof lock and will leave the clothes there until I can prevent her doing this. By the way, if my back door is open, they don't even attempt to open the screen which has no latch and easily rolls. Go figure.  I don't think they want to go outside.   So here is the culprit and what she did with my pajamas. 

Daisy the Culprit

My Pajamas Removed by Daisy

I bought two pairs of pants from littleblackpant.com.  When they came, I put them aside because I felt they were probably too small. Finally, after a week I did try them on. Amazing!  They fit very well. They are selling at half-price at $40. I don't know how long that will last. They ask interesting questions to determine my body shape.  They refund at 100% and are willing to exchange and pay the shipping to return them. Check them out. They have two different styles of pants classic straight leg and ankle slim pant. I think they will expand in colors in the future. 

I finished the last Lovenox  Injection Monday night. I'm glad it is over. My stomach is black and blue. And the stuff hurts some when being injected.   I also got my Prolia (to build up bones) injection on the same day.  My next one is in six months. 

I had my Healing Art class with Nina Landgraff. What we did was scribble our feelings on an an 8x11 sheet of paper, fold it in half and do the same thing, again and again until it couldn't  be folded again. Then we ripped each of our sheets to pieces. She said we could burn them too.  The idea is to get rid of negative feelings we have about someone. This could take multiple sheets of paper. Another exercise was to draw with a micron pen a loopy scribble. Then we take a colored pencil, not noting which one and pointing without looking at which space will have that color. Keep doing this with each color. If the color pencils are in a cup and you return them to the cup, don't worry if you reuse the color, it is okay.  You can press harder or softer to change the value and if you use you opposite hand, your brain will stay out of it. The final activity we did was to draw (trace) a circle, for a Mandala, then did curvy lines back and forth using a Micron or similar pen.  Then make a different Zentangle design with the pen in each section, changing the value (darkness and lightness) to give it interest.  She had very relaxing music on in the background and I found it I was almost limp at the end.

My class with Carol  Bradshaw was held in the new center now on 19th Street (1607 19th Street, 93301). There are separate rooms which makes it easier to concentrate on class. Carol gave me good feedback on improving my picture of the green peppers. By the way, I now realize I used the wrong word "monotone" when I meant "monochromatic."  Of course this makes much more sense than the word I used!  She suggested I soften the line where the mask was. She also suggested I use thinner lines when I put down the mask.  So this week we are doing washes with three new colors - cerulean blue, ochre yellow and Indian red. These are opaque colors that granulate. Each set of colors we have used have their own characteristics.  I worked further on pictures I posted. I worked on taking the hard line off the green peppers and added more shading for the areas behind the front. On the seaside village, I added pen to the masts, boats and a little on the buildings. I also put a little more reflection of the white in the water. On the flower/butterfly, I did more shadow for that which is behind.   Here are two of the washes also, though I'm not sure it is what she wanted.  I used the new colors for these.  One is is cerulean blue and the other is a mix of the cerulean blog and ochre yellow.  They bubbled some and neither looks like a flat wash.  We will be doing something with these.  I'll also do more, perhaps with a darker hue.

More shading on the Bell Peppers

Added Pen and Ink and More Reflection of the White

More Shading to the Back Petals

It's Supposed to be a Cerulean Blue Flat Wash

This is a Cerulean Blue and Ochre Yellow Flat Wash

My friend Jeanne met me at Mama Roomba for lunch. We had enough for her to give her husband a taste. I'm sure he will like it too. Great food! We then went to the Bakersfield Art Center in their new location. I love that place and their move was a good one.  We also dropped by Kuka's and saw Ruth Darrington, the owner. That store is wonderful for colorful decorations.   Then we checked a framing shop across the street which also has lovely items for decorating. I also showed her where Sandrini's was, on Eye Street in a basement. Also has great food. We'll also go to Chef's Choice Noodle House which is excellent. I recommend First Friday, but you need to make a reservation for restaurants close by for that night. I didn't mention The Mark, very good or Muertos in the alley (Wall Street), but they are all good.  I think our downtown is becoming very special. The Padre Hotel has a great restaurant and bar. That is just one block away. There is also The Fox which has wonderful shows and there is a nice live theatre on 19th Street called Spotlight Theatre. For those into theatre, there are other ones also a little further out, but no less inviting.

The prescription for my glasses feels off. I went back to the optometrist and said the distant part of the prescription was off. She took them and came back awhile later saying that it was not situated evenly on the lens so they agreed to return them for correction.  I was relieved that it wasn't all in my head. 

I have had a problem with my electricity out in part of my home. I did pull the switches outside and it took care of part of it. My grandson could not figure out what to do, but thought that part behind one of the switches needs to be replaced and recommended an electrician.  So when I have enough money, I'll do that. 

Sam Simon who was a co-creator of The Simpsons died this week of Cancer. He told people he was the happiest during the time when he knew he was dying. I do think the quality of our time becomes better when we focus on what is important to us.  

Meagan and Billy had a Revealing Ceremony at my home a while back. Only Meagan's mom Dainette and her girlfriend knew the sex of the baby they would have. They opened a box to find a boy bear. Here is a picture of that which was recently posted. 

Meagan and Billy Finding Out the Gender of Their Next Child

My grandson now has his own scrubs in preparation for the birth of his second son Kason, my second great grandson, who is due in less than 8 weeks. 

Billy in his Own Scrubs!

Here is a lovely picture with Meagan holding her son Conner and not far from delivering Kason!

Meagan, my granddaughter-in-law holding Conner and
almost ready to deliver Kason

And, I couldn't help seeing the similarities between my kitty Daisy going through my draw and my great- grandson Conner looking to see what he could do at his home!

Conner checking out what is up there!

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My niece Shannon wanted me to share our experience going down the Shoshone River in Wyoming. Paul's three youngest children, Scott, Jerry and Jennifer were with Paul and me on this trip.   There were five more people on this blowup raft with us.  We have a guide who explained what to do when we were rafting. Now we are going down the river. We are hitting rapids and moving around huge boulders.  We hit a calm area and our guide says "that's good".   I thought he liked what we were doing and so I kept doing it. I'm not looking around because I am concentrating on what I'm doing. He says "that's good" again. I just give him more. Then he screams "STOP!"  I stop and look around. We had been going in a circle because I was the only one paddling. Everyone was staring at me and I smiled sheepishly realizing what I had done. 

On this same trip, we reserved a cabin in the mountains on our road trip. When we signed in, the man said that the door to the attic was locked because they did not want us going up there. During the night, I get up to go to the bathroom.  I had to go through the kids room to get to the bathroom.  The kids, Scott, Jerry and Jennifer were kneeling on the bed and were intensely listening for something.   I stopped and asked them what was going on. They said there was someone in the attic and they were scared. Then there was a whoosh sound and they said, "Did you hear that?!"   I did.  I just didn't think it was an evil thing.  So I stayed there listening for it again and eventually found this electric scent atomizer and showed them. I was trying to get them back to sleep. They did lay down.  The next morning Paul, who slept very well suggested we stay there another night. "NO," they said in unison.  They had little sleep that night.  So that was the end of the spooky cabin. 

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This is an excellent article on what it means to "hold space". I think this is why I feel the hospice I worked for was so special.  We worked with patients and families of many different beliefs and we went with them on their journeys.  We never took over the roles that were theirs. 

http://heatherplett.com/2015/03/hold-space/

By the way, I continue to make my smoothies with fruits and veggies.  It is never quite the same day to day.  I have to admit it looks yucky to me, but it tastes great and is easy to make. I put it in an opaque container, so I don't have to look at it.   I add ice to make it frothy.  Refreshing!

That's it for the week. Lots going on this next week including Helping One Woman dinner and seeing a pain management doctor. I hope you have a great week.   See you next Sunday. Rachel. 

Speaking for a Fundraiser through Avon

I had an endoscopy.  I have gastritis and esophagitis and the doctor suggested I take two Prilosec per day. Good to know there is an easy way of dealing with this. My friend Janet took me and I went to bed as soon as she dropped me off.  I slept for five hours and slept a full night when I went to bed. I felt fine when I got up the next day.  One of my friends, Vicki brought up that my body will absorb less calcium with two Prilosec.  I asked my oncologist since I saw him this week as to what to do about this.    He said this was not a problem, but just take the pills at least three hours apart.  So that is what I'll do.  My endocrinologist will see this and I'll go by what she says.

My friend Marykay's father died at the end of February and the service was this week.   It was very touching and I also got to see Marykay's siblings all together.  I haven't seen them as one group for at least thirty years.  Marykay was walking down the center aisle of the church with her grandsons holding something.  She was teary and obviously hurting.  I so wanted to get up and hold her, but I didn't.  I know she has to do this.  We then went to the cemetery and I took a picture of her with her sister and brothers.  I remember when we were all so young!

From right to left, youngest to oldest - Jimmy, Mark, Tom, Barbara,
John and Marykay

We then went to their family home which will now be sold.  Marykay is the friend I have where I have met most of her family.  She is expecting another grandchild from her daughter Rachel (named after me).  She is so close to having this child that she could not come.  I know that was painful for her.  I'm glad I was able to be there and see most everyone, though it would be much better under happy circumstances.

I had my Red Hat dinner than evening and I invited my friend Dainette Toy.  She is the mother of my grandson Billy's wife Meagan.  We met at TJ Maxwells.  Good food, good conversation and always good friends.  Dainette will be a regular in our group.

I saw my oncologist Dr. Tun.  All my tests are okay, so I can continue to take Herceptin.  I think, at least at the center where I am getting it, I have taken it the longest.  That's okay with me as long as I feel okay.

Yesterday my friend Janet and my daughter Shelley went with me to a fundraiser in Visalia for Avon 39  where I was the guest speaker.    My friends Martha and Susan who live in the area were also there.  I had lots of support, though all the women were very supportive.  Some spoke to me afterwards.  One said she had been dealing with colon cancer for ten years and also finding her way in dealing with this.  They were raising money for a woman to participate in a Avon 39 mile, two day walkathon in Santa Barbara to raise money regarding breast cancer.  Each person who walks in this must pay $1800 each to participate and they raise millions of dollars.  I don't know how much they raised.  They had drawings and auctions, plus part of the cost each paid for lunch.  Here are a few pictures from the event.

Carol Nava (invited me),  Jan (the walker for Avon 39),
Wendy (has been head of the group and organizer) and Me

Me, my daughter Shelley and my friend Janet

Giving my talk about hope, taking it a day at a time
and taking control where you can

This was a wonderful poem that was at each of our seats
by Shari Larsen.  It sure expressed my feelings!

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We each go through our challenges in life.  They make us grow, even if we didn't want to.  We end up having more skills to help  our fellow travelers.  I believe we each have an obligation to give back in some way or another to help those after us.  I choose to let it be my experiences going through cancer.  I hope each of you think about what you can give back to make this a better world.

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My great grandson Carson is coming along.  Here is the latest picture.

I have not been to art class with Carol Bradshaw in three weeks.  She was out one day and I had an endoscopy the other.  The assignment was to do a watercolor of three bell peppers in green, monotone.  I did it, but not very good.  I only had my tracing of the picture to follow, not the picture itself.  I would have liked to work on the folds of the material the bell peppers were on.  Masking was used to maintain the white of the paper.  So here it is.

Here is a good article on getting through grief.

http://www.nextavenue.org/blog/getting-through-grief-hanging-yourself

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When Paul and I were on one of our other trips to Puerto Vallarta, it was just us two.  One evening, we were walking along the waters edge at the ocean.  There was moonlight and in the distance, lights from the resort.  It was very romantic.  I had my arm in Paul's and we were just talking.  I saw what looked like a great walking stick and I bent down to pick it up when it slithered away into the ocean.  That ended the romance!  I was so shocked and after that, I just was on hyper alert watching my steps, now fearful I would step on something not okay to me.

The next morning, Paul was still sleeping, so I decided to go down for some coffee and orange juice.  I left him a note to join me.  This cafe was right on the beach.  The ocean breeze was so pleasant.  I knew a little Spanish mostly from high school and I thought I'd use it.  So I ordered coffee and orange juice.  I said coffee just fine, but I said jugo de nariz when I asked for orange juice.  The waiter was trying to be so proper and said "jugo de naranja."   I realized immediately what I said (nose juice), that I broke up in hysterical laughter.  He never broke a smile and brought me my orange juice.

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Well, that is it for this week.  I will be back with Carol Bradshaw doing watercolor and learning skills to do better.  I am also taking a class again from Nina Landgraff  on Healing Art at Bakersfield College.  I enjoyed her drawing classes before and look forward to seeing what this is about.  I think that the Bakersfield Art Association should be moved To 19th Street, next to Kuka's and near The Mark.  I think this is a good move for them.

I hope you have a good week and I will see you next Sunday.             Rachel

A Cure on the Horizon?

There was this very interesting special that was on HBO called Vice Special Report: Killing Cancer. It was fascinating. People were intentionally given a virus which killed the Cancer. It had a great response. Different medical centers were trying it different ways.  They were focused on curing cancer with great results. People had tumors in their brains, and other areas of the body. We might be on the verge of curing cancer. The viruses attack the cancer cells but do not hurt the healthy cells.   They have noticed that since 1910 some viruses killed cancer when they were treated with rabies vaccine. The smallpox vaccine was modified to only attack cancer cells with success.  So infectious viruses are now being used to fight cancer. Measles virus, HIV virus, common cold virus have also worked. This was used on people where it was their last chance; all other treatments were exhausted.   It is not guaranteed, but this is really offering hope. And hope is what keeps us going. Some day I'm sure this will be standard treatment. I don't think it will be all that long into the future. This is in trials in several clinics.  Viruses has already been used for vaccines, so it is already in use.  There are over 300 types of cancer. I believe they will eventually find the right virus to treat all of these cancers.   It is looking up!

I picked up my glasses and my granddaughter Brooklyn came up and said "Hi grandma". Her parents brought her for contact lenses.  She is just eleven, but she looks older. She is tall and beautiful.   

I'm still adjusting to my glasses. They asked me to give it two weeks and if there was still some problem, they would deal with it.

I have a Vitamix blender which is fabulous for making smoothies. You can throw veggies and fruits in with little preparation. So I made this smoothie with orange juice, coconut milk, plain nonfat yoghurt, blue berries, a banana, 1/2 of a lemon's juice, some kale and spinach, a small scoop of Green Max Powder from Swanson Greenfoods. I also put some flax seeds in and maybe a cup of ice.   It came out blue and looks odd, but I put it in a plastic container that is not see through. It turned out delicious. So the color was not distracting with the container I used.    Today, I used Blackberries.   I think this is very healthy!

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My grandson Kevin, who is eleven,  wrote another story. He really is creative!  Here it is:

Joe the Beaver

So I don’t know why, but these stupid people brought me here.  I was going to come here anyway.  I wanted to work on my tan.  I guess I should introduce myself;  I’m Joe the beaver.

I was going deeper into the woods than the humans dropped me off –I think it was Yosemite- it looked breathtaking with lush green forest, high mountains, and shimmering lakes. However,  I’ve seen it all before, if you’ve seen one giant forest you’ve seen them all. I was just looking for a stream.

I saw a deer pass, and asked “Hey! Hey do you know where a stream is?”  He looked a bit confused but said ”Yeah, follow me if you want to find it.”“Hey wait up!’ I called while I was trying my best to keep up with my short stubby legs.

I formulated a plan. While he went straight,  I went up a slope. I poured on speed and I jumped.
I’ll be honest.  I didn’t expect it to work, but I landed on the deer’s back and on the way down yelled “Ahhh!”
The deer, apparently,  didn’t expect this, because he tried to buck me off.  I said “wh-oa-oa-oa! It’s me dude!”  “What?  Oh.  Sorry.”  He was a bit embarrassed.

We arrived at a stream a couple minutes later.  I got off deer’s back, and that reminded me,  I was getting tired of calling him that. “What’s your name?” I asked.  “Ernest ”he replied. “What’s yours?” he asked.  “Joe” I said.

Then I was scared out of my wits when I saw a giant grizzly bear coming toward us.   “Run!” I yelled,  as I ran the opposite direction.  “It’s ok,  Anton’s a vegetarian.”said Ernest,  as though a bear being vegetarian was a common thing.“Yeah and I built the Hoover Dam. Now RUN!”

However Ernest stood, watching Anton the bear walk slowly toward him. He did this while I watched in horror.

Just when I was sure Ernest had lost it Anton said “Hey Ernest how’s it going.” His voice was sort of like Smokey the Bear’s -deep and slow. He looked over to me and I was cowering behind a nearby pile of rocks. “Who’s your little friend” he asked Ernest. “Oh he’s Joe. He was trying to find a stream” said Ernest.

“Well why don’t you come over here and meet me?”Asked Anton “He’s under the stereotypical impression that all bears eat meat.” “Oh.” Anton sounded a little offended.
I cautiously made my way over to Anton, who was, by the way, ten times as big as me. “Um...hi?” I said.

I flinched when he started talking.  He asked “ How’s your day going? Do you need any help with anything?”He had a kindly smile, at least as kindly a smile as a bear can get. It made me relax a little.

“Well I was just flown to California,  so my day's going pretty well, and I need to build a dam.”

“Well we can help you with that.”Said Anton cheerfully.  Um, we can” asked Ernest skeptically?  “I mean, do you know anything about building a dam Anton?”  “I was assuming Joe here would teach us” said Anton.

“This is going to be a long week of teaching.”I said.

After a day of thinking I came up with a game plan. After I ate half of the tree away,  Anton would have to push it down into the stream -in which case the tree would have to be near the stream. Ernest would go collect twigs and branches to plug up holes and I would chew trees and put mud on to seal the hole.

I told them the game plan. They said that it was better than anything they came up with (which I assumed was nothing), so we did it.

There were a few setbacks such as a tree almost falling on me,  Ernest walking through poison ivy, and best of all, Anton falling in the stream and getting chased by fish.

A few weeks later when we finished, a lot more beavers started to move in, and we all swam happily in our dam area.


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My granddaughter Heather is signed up to go for training to become an Ultrasound Technician. I am so happy for her!  I look forward hearing about her progress.

I had some problem getting my pain meds. They have a system that I did not understand. I ordered on the phone a week ago Friday and expected to pick them up on Tuesday.  Evidently, my doctor is out a few months (she is being treated for breast cancer) and wherever the doctor who covers for her is, is where I would go to pick up the meds. I was not told this. But it was never ordered even though the phone system said to give it two days.  Something wrong with the system. I was worried because I had few pills and panicked about being in pain. The assistant in the pharmacy sent the request to the pain clinic doctor, though I don't have an appointment until March 20,and left a message for me it was there two days later.  Relief!

I take a blood thinner because of getting a blood clot in my jugular vein more than two years ago.  I have an endoscopy scheduled for Tuesday and I switched to injections of Lovenox for a few days before and after the procedure.  I hate shots. Hard to believe after having so many, but I saw a hypnotist in 2000 since I was told then I'd have to give myself Neupogen shots to build up my white blood cell count while we were on vacation in Europe.  Otherwise, I went into the clinic daily for these shots.   It was hard enough accepting others giving me injections, but to myself, was to me the ultimate in bad thinking.   So Paul and I were a team doing this. I didn't like it, but I understood there was no choice.  When I initially got the blood clot, I insisted after two weeks of injecting myself with Lovenox that I didn't want to do this and switched to oral meds.   So here we go again. No choice, but I'm reminding myself it is short term. I'm doing fine with it. Amazing how we can change. I never thought I could do this!

They opened a Sprouts in our town so my friend Barbara and I checked them out. It has a lot more than Lassen's and might be less expensive than them. There was also more variety. We were also going to check out BevMo but there was a long line for being able to get in. So you know, we in Bakersfield prefer our alcohol over our veggies!   Though, that is not true for everyone. That line floored me!   

Yesterday Barbara invited me to dinner at Cafe Med, a Mediterranean restaurant.  She had a gift card for them. We had a wonderful dinner.  For Bakersfield, it is a little pricey, but it was lovely. Then we saw McFarland which was a great movie. It seemed culturally accurate for this small town a little north of Bakersfield.   The warmth of this tight community and the coming together of two cultures was shown well. We loved it!

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I saw a wonderful short on CBS News Sunday Morning about a robot camera that someone who is bed or homebound can see the De Young Museum in San Francisco. The person at home controls the movement of this camera to view the museum at their own pace and interest. I wonder if other museums have started this or plan to do this.   It is a wonderful idea!

Robots open up the world of art http://www.cbsnews.com/videos/robots-open-up-the-world-of-art

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My husband Paul and I traveled a lot. How we did it as often as we did was not to decide before hand, but look for the deals. We also each paid our own way, another way to plan these trips.  Paul ended up researching the Internet to find these deals and sometimes he would write it up like a tour company and give it to me. I loved it!

So we initially went to Mexico several times, two or three times with the kids. I loved the way Paul looked. He had a rugged look. I think it was because he loved sunning when his ancestry was Norwegian and Swedish.  But I loved it. He was my "Macho Man".   He told me that people looked at him as dangerous and if I stuck by him, people would leave me alone. He was right. If men walked up to sell me something, they would fade away when I'd take his arm. I never saw him as threatening, but I saw this reaction a lot. 

So we had gone to Puerto Vallarta and had a hotel at the beach.  Paul and I weren't married then. We were approached by a salesman to come to a presentation on a timeshare next door to the resort. 

The draw was to get a jeep for 24 hours.  Okay.  Paul asked no questions.  I asked a ton of them.  I think the salesman thought he had us in the bag and then I said "no".   And I asked "where do we get this jeep?"  He was obviously angry at me and Paul said after we left that  "I thought you were going to sign".   I told him I wanted the man to try out his talk on us. 

The next morning we go to get our jeep. It was open, no cover from the elements. We were dressed in our resort dress.  I had on shorts and short sleeved shirt in a pastel and Paul was wearing shorts and looked like a bushwhacker. Paul had a straw hat on.  He used the tie around the hat and tied it under his chin to keep it from blowing off. 

Paul's style of travel is just to drive,  not having any idea where we are going or caring about the time. So we are going and going and it is like, we will not make it back in the same day. The weather changes to rain and cold. The inside of the windshield is covered with water.   I am having to reach over and wipe the inside so he can see. I even had to do a quick wipes  of his glasses with all the rain.  It was ridiculous!

We are driving through these poor villages and Paul suggested we get a room that is available for a couple of dollars.  These places look unfinished,  made of Adobe.  I was not feeling this adventurous and kept nixing these ideas. 

We finally end up in a city, Tepic,  which seemed much more promising.  Paul drives around until we get to this business which looked modern and more like we were familiar with. The building is wrapped around a courtyard with an opening on one side. Paul sees a window that says ADMINISTRACION. He immediately feels comfortable (he was a vice-president at the hospital we worked at).  He walks up to the sliding glass window and a woman opens it. Paul says "Ask her where a hotel is."  I know only a bit of Spanish and I'm not quite sure how to ask this. So instead, I ask her where the middle of town is thinking there will be a hotel there. She responds to me speaking so fast, that I was lucky to get one in ten words. But as she is talking, she also is pointing. So Paul asks me "Where is it?"  I point in the direction she pointed and said "That way."  I think Paul really thought I understood.  All these professional people are at the windows looking at us and laughing. Paul states the obvious,  "They are all laughing at us."  I say "Well of course, we look ridiculous!"  The straw hat Paul is wearing is drooping around his head and looks so funny tied down. I so don't fit in  to this setting with my dress.   And besides, we are soaked to the skin. Paul is sure he is going to die from the cold. I'm miserable, but I don't think we are going to die.  

We drive in the direction this woman pointed and found a place. When we go in,  Paul gives a sigh of relief seeing a sign that the local Rotary Club has their meetings here.  Paul gets a room for $7.  When we get up to the room I suggest we go out and buy more appropriate clothes.  He says "We can't."  I ask, "Why not?"  He says "The credit cards are in the safe at our hotel."   I am shocked.  We are over 100 miles or so from where we came and much of the road was dirt.  I suggest we buy large trash bags for rain protection, but he doesn't have enough money for that and for us to eat.  Now I'm mad, but I'm biting my tongue.  Nothing can be done about it.

I'm so cold I think a hot shower will warm me up.  Interesting that the shower head comes from the ceiling which makes it impossible to avoid getting my hair wet.  When I get out, the room is really chilly.  No heat or air-conditioning.   I have to get under the covers.  Our room has two beds. Paul is already buried in his bed.  I find that my bed does not have enough covers.  I grab all the bedding (and see lots of graffiti on the mattress)  to put over Paul with the idea to join him for warmth.  Paul asks  "What are you doing?"   I said "I'm joining you!  I need warmth!"  Paul then says "I'm not fucking!"  I'm shocked (he doesn't talk this way to me).  I said, "Don't worry, I need your warmth!"  Of course, after we warmed up.....

We went to the restaurant in the hotel to eat and were able to get a good meal with the money we had. There was a family from the United States driving through Mexico and a group of bikers  also from the United States. Very interesting conversation. Paul ordered a cake that was made using goat milk. I couldn't stand goat anything then and I could smell it.  I made nasty comments about it and Paul made a point of licking the plate, another shocker to me. It started a gag reflex for me and I had to get out of there.

The next morning we left as soon as we got up. We didn't get back to the resort until later in the day. The rain had stopped.  I felt so cruddy in my damp clothes.  I could hardly walk after that drive. Later we got in the hot tub listening to Margaritaville. A fitting end. 

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Here are recent pictures of Conner.  He is so cute.  I wonder how he will act when he has a baby brother.

There is a plus for me having gone through what has happened as can other people's experiences be a plus.   I and they can help others with the knowledge of experience.   This woman who goes by Zelfred submitted this to thegrieftoolbox.com  and states it so well!

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Grief

Submitted by  ZelFred   |   February 23, 2015 - 1:48pm  

We are all individuals, our circumstances are different and our relationships are different as is the resultant level and depth and length of grief we experience. Whilst there are undeniable similarities –  each experience as unique as our fingerprints. 

When a loved one is taken our love does not stop.  Our love continues to grow daily, but the object of your affection is gone from our presence.  We can talk to them, write to them and remember the good times, but we cannot see them, touch them, hug or kiss them.  We have no outlet for the love that still resides and continues to grow in our hearts. And that hurts!  We grieve and hurt this much because we love so much.  We feel the sting of tears as we contemplate our loss and the future we will never have again with them on earth… dreams now shattered.

That does not mean we stop trying our best to carry on with our lives.  Get out for a bit as impossible as it seems.  Nothing major at first: whatever we can manage for short spells, always allowing ourselves a quick retreat if we should feel overwhelmed.  At times when I have felt the least “able” to step outside the confines of home I have felt the most refreshed when I got out nonetheless. Take resolve to make them proud. 

There are days when we feel stronger and we can do these things and make them proud and be proud of our own progress, but the next day an unexpected wave of grief and sense of loss may hit and we feel utterly depleted – weak (the “BAD!”).  I believe at times like these we should listen to our souls.  Take the time out and be kind to ourselves.  Allow ourselves the “luxury” to grieve in whichever way suits us.  Be it crying and sobbing uncontrollably to purge the pain (the “UGLY”) or withdrawing for a while in quiet reflection and politely dismissing the expectations of those around us while we regain our emotional strength to face another day.  We should never, ever feel guilty for feeling and acknowledging our pain.  Certainly we have not failed our departed loved ones or ourselves.  We are human.  We grieve because we love. 

Smiles and victories will be there. Beautiful memories recalled with fondness, but lurking in the same heart that holds joy in memory, strength and resolve, there now resides pain, loss, loneliness and sometimes a seemingly limitless supply of fresh tears.  They co-exist and take turns in surfacing unheeded and often so out of our control.  The best thing we can do for ourselves is ride out the waves that come – whatever they are.  Experience them guilt-free.  Don’t view them as a test to be passed or failed.   We now have a new appreciation for the things that really matter in life. Relationships and people.  The resulting empathy and compassion we have acquired will make it possible to help others on the same path. 

Our own experiences and wisdom gained can help those new on the path. Right there is our new purpose in life.  That above all is what you should strive for.  To use your pain to uplift and share with others who are seeking the answers.  To help them realize they are not alone, that whatever they feel is ok.  We can light their path to make it easier to follow – and forgive themselves. And that is the “GOOD” part of grief. 

So, I have so much this week with an endoscopy, a memorial service of my friend Marykay's father, a Red Hat Dinner and a talk to a fundraiser sponsored by Avon to support a woman who will participate in a walk on the coast (the entry fee is $1800).   I should have a lot to share.

I hope you have a good week and those in the zones where the weather is bizarre, come through this. See you next Sunday.         Rachel