How Perspective Changes with Time

When I gave that talk in Visalia I said "I have a different view of what I went through now. That was 15 years ago and it was fresh". Yes it was. I was overwhelmed with all of it. I didn't think very clearly, as I have said I was self-absorbed and I was hurting psychologically.  I easily broke into tears.  I felt like the world was going on as if nothing big happened when it did to me.  I realize now I was grieving the loss of what I thought I had- good health. I feared dying. I was amazed at how little control I had over what was happening to me. This by the way was the same way I felt as I was losing people important in my life. Before all this loss I really did feel I was in control of my life and was so struck that there are limits to this.  I thought of myself as strong, knowing what to do, pretty much what to say and then BOOM!  That's over with. I also found myself forever changed and there was no going back. That is true, BUT, the intensity of the change lessens with time and by allowing yourself to grieve.  I am changed by all that I have gone through.  It is now a part of me.  But in the beginning it seemed so stark, so black and white.  Now I see it as more integrated into me that though I am changed, it is more subtle.  I also think the further you get away from pain, the more you will probably return to what you did before, unless you remind yourself about the lessons learned.  Some lessons are worth holding on to like - you can't control it all, you never know what will happen so enjoy yourself when you can, say the important things to people before it is too late.  There are many more.  If you think about it, you'll come up with some.

............................

So the concert through the Bakersfield Concert Series was excellent.  It was Alex Depue playing "fiddle" and Miguel de Hoyes playing guitar.  There was humor and the sound was top notch.  It was a combination of American and Mexican music and beat.  I bought two CD's.  They had four or five for sale.  All of them sold at the concert.  If you are interested,  you can buy the remaining concerts (3 left), you can pay $45.00 for all of them at the next show which is Windsync on Sunday March 1 at 3 pm at the Rabobank Theater.  In addition, there is a pre-concert put on by the kids at local schools.  This one was from College Heights Elementary School which had a full band and a Mariachi band.  They were 5th and 6th graders and two 4th graders.  Very good.  Kudos to the director of the band and all other staff who support them.  It was hard to believe they were only elementary school children!

College Heights Elementary School Mariachi Band, Director in in the back on the right.

Barbara and I went back to Zaikai's and picked some other dishes.  They were great also. Highly recommended for the quality of the food!

I got a call from my bank because of suspected fraudulent use of my credit card. This happens often enough to me!  One charge was at a Target in Brooklyn Nee York.  So I have to destroy my card and they will mail me another one.

I saw my primary doctor after blood tests and urinalysis about several issues. My back can hurt a lot and even take days to calm down when it is particularly bad.   I also have stomach pains but I've had it for years. I'll be having an MRI and an endoscopy to see if anything more is going on.   I'll also have a MUGA scan at the end of the month which determines force of blood through the heart.  That is a concern while taking Herceptin.  I even made an appointment with a optometrist through a Kaiser program.  I don't have to pay for the exam and if anything bigger is happening, they will refer me to an ophthalmologist. The other issues were relatively minor with ideas as to how to deal with it.

While there for my annual appointment, my doctor said she found a lump in her breast and had a lumpectomy.  She will have radiation starting soon. She isn't sure if she will have chemo yet.  Wow!  That was bad. I gave her a hug and said I'd be thinking of her. I wondered out loud why it seemed that cancer was on the rise. She didn't know but said DNA is very fragile.

I found another Mediterranian restaurant in Bakersfield called SKK Mediterranean. This restaurant started in Italy (over 50 of them) and 2 in Canada. This is the first one in the United States. The most expensive item is $10. The plates run $8.  Adding a soda or ice tea runs $1 with the meal. They also give you fresh oranges to put in their juicing machine for a tall glass of orange juice at $3.50. They have three different sauces- hot, magic and garlic, all flavorful. They are in the mini-shopping center at California and Real Road. They have been open since August and are a wonderful addition to our community. It is fresh and healthy!  They are at 3621 California Ave, 661-328-0200. It's casual. There are tables but they probably do more takeout.

My art class with Carol Bradshaw was good as always.  I told her I was feeling intimidated by doing watercolor, but I decided I didn't have anything to lose, so I did work on another hot air balloon.  It isn't quite done.  Also my classmate Wayne Perman has been working on his watercolor.  I mentioned last week what he had done and he gave me permission to share it.  I think his is excellent, but Carol's role is show us what we can do to improve our pictures.  She is always on the money!

My Hot Air Balloon

Wayne Perman's picture of Japanese Fishing Boats and Fishing

Then in class, we each worked on different projects using watercolor again.  I picked boats on water.  The picture is actually pretty big and Carol suggested I break it up doing perhaps three pictures out of the one.  Anyway, here is where I was attempting to have the colors of the boats reflect in the water.  I had started to draw the buildings above, but I'm going to use my lightbox because I cannot make the lines of the buildings straight.

Practicing Reflection in the Water

I met with four of my friends - Sherry, Tina, Etta and Valerie at Sherry's home yesterday.  We each made something for the meal which was quite good.  It was also really nice to get together.  We have all matured and realize that it is what is in us that really counts- our feelings, character, caring for others, honesty, etc. (Well of course!  We are a lot older than when we started meeting!)  So we are going to keep meeting.  Next time will probably be in May.  I look forward to it.

My granddaughter-in-law Meagan had gone out of town with her grandmother Sharron and was missing her son Conner.  This is such a gentle picture of both of them.  I love it!

Mother and Son

My friend Barbara Long sent me a message that her dog Tavi died.  She was in a lot of pain and very sick, so she had her put to sleep.  This is so painful.    She lost her other dog Patti in February.  Our pets are family and we feel it.  I know I have.  I've invited her to come over to watch the Super Bowl and just take it easy.  We are very comfortable around each other.  She is bringing homemade soup and picking up a pizza that will work for her vegan diet, but also bring vegan cheese we will put on it before baking.  I have a slight cold and want to stay home to let myself heal.

Well, it was a good and busy week.  I hope your week went well.  For those watching the Super Bowl, which team are you rooting for?  I've decided to support the Seattle Seahawks.  I'm not betting, but it just makes it a little more interesting if you commit to a team.  Have an excellent week and I will see you next Sunday.                 Rachel