There was this very interesting special that was on HBO called Vice Special Report: Killing Cancer. It was fascinating. People were intentionally given a virus which killed the Cancer. It had a great response. Different medical centers were trying it different ways. They were focused on curing cancer with great results. People had tumors in their brains, and other areas of the body. We might be on the verge of curing cancer. The viruses attack the cancer cells but do not hurt the healthy cells. They have noticed that since 1910 some viruses killed cancer when they were treated with rabies vaccine. The smallpox vaccine was modified to only attack cancer cells with success. So infectious viruses are now being used to fight cancer. Measles virus, HIV virus, common cold virus have also worked. This was used on people where it was their last chance; all other treatments were exhausted. It is not guaranteed, but this is really offering hope. And hope is what keeps us going. Some day I'm sure this will be standard treatment. I don't think it will be all that long into the future. This is in trials in several clinics. Viruses has already been used for vaccines, so it is already in use. There are over 300 types of cancer. I believe they will eventually find the right virus to treat all of these cancers. It is looking up!
I picked up my glasses and my granddaughter Brooklyn came up and said "Hi grandma". Her parents brought her for contact lenses. She is just eleven, but she looks older. She is tall and beautiful.
I'm still adjusting to my glasses. They asked me to give it two weeks and if there was still some problem, they would deal with it.
Then I was scared out of my wits when I saw a giant grizzly bear coming toward us. “Run!” I yelled, as I ran the opposite direction. “It’s ok, Anton’s a vegetarian.”said Ernest, as though a bear being vegetarian was a common thing.“Yeah and I built the Hoover Dam. Now RUN!”
However Ernest stood, watching Anton the bear walk slowly toward him. He did this while I watched in horror.
Just when I was sure Ernest had lost it Anton said “Hey Ernest how’s it going.” His voice was sort of like Smokey the Bear’s -deep and slow. He looked over to me and I was cowering behind a nearby pile of rocks. “Who’s your little friend” he asked Ernest. “Oh he’s Joe. He was trying to find a stream” said Ernest.
“Well why don’t you come over here and meet me?”Asked Anton “He’s under the stereotypical impression that all bears eat meat.” “Oh.” Anton sounded a little offended.
I cautiously made my way over to Anton, who was, by the way, ten times as big as me. “Um...hi?” I said.
I flinched when he started talking. He asked “ How’s your day going? Do you need any help with anything?”He had a kindly smile, at least as kindly a smile as a bear can get. It made me relax a little.
“Well I was just flown to California, so my day's going pretty well, and I need to build a dam.”
“Well we can help you with that.”Said Anton cheerfully. Um, we can” asked Ernest skeptically? “I mean, do you know anything about building a dam Anton?” “I was assuming Joe here would teach us” said Anton.
“This is going to be a long week of teaching.”I said.
After a day of thinking I came up with a game plan. After I ate half of the tree away, Anton would have to push it down into the stream -in which case the tree would have to be near the stream. Ernest would go collect twigs and branches to plug up holes and I would chew trees and put mud on to seal the hole.
I told them the game plan. They said that it was better than anything they came up with (which I assumed was nothing), so we did it.
There were a few setbacks such as a tree almost falling on me, Ernest walking through poison ivy, and best of all, Anton falling in the stream and getting chased by fish.
A few weeks later when we finished, a lot more beavers started to move in, and we all swam happily in our dam area.
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I have a Vitamix blender which is fabulous for making smoothies. You can throw veggies and fruits in with little preparation. So I made this smoothie with orange juice, coconut milk, plain nonfat yoghurt, blue berries, a banana, 1/2 of a lemon's juice, some kale and spinach, a small scoop of Green Max Powder from Swanson Greenfoods. I also put some flax seeds in and maybe a cup of ice. It came out blue and looks odd, but I put it in a plastic container that is not see through. It turned out delicious. So the color was not distracting with the container I used. Today, I used Blackberries. I think this is very healthy!
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My grandson Kevin, who is eleven, wrote another story. He really is creative! Here it is:
Joe the Beaver
So I don’t know why, but these stupid people brought me here. I was going to come here anyway. I wanted to work on my tan. I guess I should introduce myself; I’m Joe the beaver.
I was going deeper into the woods than the humans dropped me off –I think it was Yosemite- it looked breathtaking with lush green forest, high mountains, and shimmering lakes. However, I’ve seen it all before, if you’ve seen one giant forest you’ve seen them all. I was just looking for a stream.
I saw a deer pass, and asked “Hey! Hey do you know where a stream is?” He looked a bit confused but said ”Yeah, follow me if you want to find it.”“Hey wait up!’ I called while I was trying my best to keep up with my short stubby legs.
I formulated a plan. While he went straight, I went up a slope. I poured on speed and I jumped.
I’ll be honest. I didn’t expect it to work, but I landed on the deer’s back and on the way down yelled “Ahhh!”
The deer, apparently, didn’t expect this, because he tried to buck me off. I said “wh-oa-oa-oa! It’s me dude!” “What? Oh. Sorry.” He was a bit embarrassed.
We arrived at a stream a couple minutes later. I got off deer’s back, and that reminded me, I was getting tired of calling him that. “What’s your name?” I asked. “Ernest ”he replied. “What’s yours?” he asked. “Joe” I said.
I was going deeper into the woods than the humans dropped me off –I think it was Yosemite- it looked breathtaking with lush green forest, high mountains, and shimmering lakes. However, I’ve seen it all before, if you’ve seen one giant forest you’ve seen them all. I was just looking for a stream.
I saw a deer pass, and asked “Hey! Hey do you know where a stream is?” He looked a bit confused but said ”Yeah, follow me if you want to find it.”“Hey wait up!’ I called while I was trying my best to keep up with my short stubby legs.
I formulated a plan. While he went straight, I went up a slope. I poured on speed and I jumped.
I’ll be honest. I didn’t expect it to work, but I landed on the deer’s back and on the way down yelled “Ahhh!”
The deer, apparently, didn’t expect this, because he tried to buck me off. I said “wh-oa-oa-oa! It’s me dude!” “What? Oh. Sorry.” He was a bit embarrassed.
We arrived at a stream a couple minutes later. I got off deer’s back, and that reminded me, I was getting tired of calling him that. “What’s your name?” I asked. “Ernest ”he replied. “What’s yours?” he asked. “Joe” I said.
Then I was scared out of my wits when I saw a giant grizzly bear coming toward us. “Run!” I yelled, as I ran the opposite direction. “It’s ok, Anton’s a vegetarian.”said Ernest, as though a bear being vegetarian was a common thing.“Yeah and I built the Hoover Dam. Now RUN!”
However Ernest stood, watching Anton the bear walk slowly toward him. He did this while I watched in horror.
Just when I was sure Ernest had lost it Anton said “Hey Ernest how’s it going.” His voice was sort of like Smokey the Bear’s -deep and slow. He looked over to me and I was cowering behind a nearby pile of rocks. “Who’s your little friend” he asked Ernest. “Oh he’s Joe. He was trying to find a stream” said Ernest.
“Well why don’t you come over here and meet me?”Asked Anton “He’s under the stereotypical impression that all bears eat meat.” “Oh.” Anton sounded a little offended.
I cautiously made my way over to Anton, who was, by the way, ten times as big as me. “Um...hi?” I said.
I flinched when he started talking. He asked “ How’s your day going? Do you need any help with anything?”He had a kindly smile, at least as kindly a smile as a bear can get. It made me relax a little.
“Well I was just flown to California, so my day's going pretty well, and I need to build a dam.”
“Well we can help you with that.”Said Anton cheerfully. Um, we can” asked Ernest skeptically? “I mean, do you know anything about building a dam Anton?” “I was assuming Joe here would teach us” said Anton.
“This is going to be a long week of teaching.”I said.
After a day of thinking I came up with a game plan. After I ate half of the tree away, Anton would have to push it down into the stream -in which case the tree would have to be near the stream. Ernest would go collect twigs and branches to plug up holes and I would chew trees and put mud on to seal the hole.
I told them the game plan. They said that it was better than anything they came up with (which I assumed was nothing), so we did it.
There were a few setbacks such as a tree almost falling on me, Ernest walking through poison ivy, and best of all, Anton falling in the stream and getting chased by fish.
A few weeks later when we finished, a lot more beavers started to move in, and we all swam happily in our dam area.
..............................
My granddaughter Heather is signed up to go for training to become an Ultrasound Technician. I am so happy for her! I look forward hearing about her progress.
I had some problem getting my pain meds. They have a system that I did not understand. I ordered on the phone a week ago Friday and expected to pick them up on Tuesday. Evidently, my doctor is out a few months (she is being treated for breast cancer) and wherever the doctor who covers for her is, is where I would go to pick up the meds. I was not told this. But it was never ordered even though the phone system said to give it two days. Something wrong with the system. I was worried because I had few pills and panicked about being in pain. The assistant in the pharmacy sent the request to the pain clinic doctor, though I don't have an appointment until March 20,and left a message for me it was there two days later. Relief!
I take a blood thinner because of getting a blood clot in my jugular vein more than two years ago. I have an endoscopy scheduled for Tuesday and I switched to injections of Lovenox for a few days before and after the procedure. I hate shots. Hard to believe after having so many, but I saw a hypnotist in 2000 since I was told then I'd have to give myself Neupogen shots to build up my white blood cell count while we were on vacation in Europe. Otherwise, I went into the clinic daily for these shots. It was hard enough accepting others giving me injections, but to myself, was to me the ultimate in bad thinking. So Paul and I were a team doing this. I didn't like it, but I understood there was no choice. When I initially got the blood clot, I insisted after two weeks of injecting myself with Lovenox that I didn't want to do this and switched to oral meds. So here we go again. No choice, but I'm reminding myself it is short term. I'm doing fine with it. Amazing how we can change. I never thought I could do this!
They opened a Sprouts in our town so my friend Barbara and I checked them out. It has a lot more than Lassen's and might be less expensive than them. There was also more variety. We were also going to check out BevMo but there was a long line for being able to get in. So you know, we in Bakersfield prefer our alcohol over our veggies! Though, that is not true for everyone. That line floored me!
Yesterday Barbara invited me to dinner at Cafe Med, a Mediterranean restaurant. She had a gift card for them. We had a wonderful dinner. For Bakersfield, it is a little pricey, but it was lovely. Then we saw McFarland which was a great movie. It seemed culturally accurate for this small town a little north of Bakersfield. The warmth of this tight community and the coming together of two cultures was shown well. We loved it!
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I saw a wonderful short on CBS News Sunday Morning about a robot camera that someone who is bed or homebound can see the De Young Museum in San Francisco. The person at home controls the movement of this camera to view the museum at their own pace and interest. I wonder if other museums have started this or plan to do this. It is a wonderful idea!
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My husband Paul and I traveled a lot. How we did it as often as we did was not to decide before hand, but look for the deals. We also each paid our own way, another way to plan these trips. Paul ended up researching the Internet to find these deals and sometimes he would write it up like a tour company and give it to me. I loved it!
So we initially went to Mexico several times, two or three times with the kids. I loved the way Paul looked. He had a rugged look. I think it was because he loved sunning when his ancestry was Norwegian and Swedish. But I loved it. He was my "Macho Man". He told me that people looked at him as dangerous and if I stuck by him, people would leave me alone. He was right. If men walked up to sell me something, they would fade away when I'd take his arm. I never saw him as threatening, but I saw this reaction a lot.
So we had gone to Puerto Vallarta and had a hotel at the beach. Paul and I weren't married then. We were approached by a salesman to come to a presentation on a timeshare next door to the resort.
The draw was to get a jeep for 24 hours. Okay. Paul asked no questions. I asked a ton of them. I think the salesman thought he had us in the bag and then I said "no". And I asked "where do we get this jeep?" He was obviously angry at me and Paul said after we left that "I thought you were going to sign". I told him I wanted the man to try out his talk on us.
The next morning we go to get our jeep. It was open, no cover from the elements. We were dressed in our resort dress. I had on shorts and short sleeved shirt in a pastel and Paul was wearing shorts and looked like a bushwhacker. Paul had a straw hat on. He used the tie around the hat and tied it under his chin to keep it from blowing off.
Paul's style of travel is just to drive, not having any idea where we are going or caring about the time. So we are going and going and it is like, we will not make it back in the same day. The weather changes to rain and cold. The inside of the windshield is covered with water. I am having to reach over and wipe the inside so he can see. I even had to do a quick wipes of his glasses with all the rain. It was ridiculous!
We are driving through these poor villages and Paul suggested we get a room that is available for a couple of dollars. These places look unfinished, made of Adobe. I was not feeling this adventurous and kept nixing these ideas.
We finally end up in a city, Tepic, which seemed much more promising. Paul drives around until we get to this business which looked modern and more like we were familiar with. The building is wrapped around a courtyard with an opening on one side. Paul sees a window that says ADMINISTRACION. He immediately feels comfortable (he was a vice-president at the hospital we worked at). He walks up to the sliding glass window and a woman opens it. Paul says "Ask her where a hotel is." I know only a bit of Spanish and I'm not quite sure how to ask this. So instead, I ask her where the middle of town is thinking there will be a hotel there. She responds to me speaking so fast, that I was lucky to get one in ten words. But as she is talking, she also is pointing. So Paul asks me "Where is it?" I point in the direction she pointed and said "That way." I think Paul really thought I understood. All these professional people are at the windows looking at us and laughing. Paul states the obvious, "They are all laughing at us." I say "Well of course, we look ridiculous!" The straw hat Paul is wearing is drooping around his head and looks so funny tied down. I so don't fit in to this setting with my dress. And besides, we are soaked to the skin. Paul is sure he is going to die from the cold. I'm miserable, but I don't think we are going to die.
We drive in the direction this woman pointed and found a place. When we go in, Paul gives a sigh of relief seeing a sign that the local Rotary Club has their meetings here. Paul gets a room for $7. When we get up to the room I suggest we go out and buy more appropriate clothes. He says "We can't." I ask, "Why not?" He says "The credit cards are in the safe at our hotel." I am shocked. We are over 100 miles or so from where we came and much of the road was dirt. I suggest we buy large trash bags for rain protection, but he doesn't have enough money for that and for us to eat. Now I'm mad, but I'm biting my tongue. Nothing can be done about it.
I'm so cold I think a hot shower will warm me up. Interesting that the shower head comes from the ceiling which makes it impossible to avoid getting my hair wet. When I get out, the room is really chilly. No heat or air-conditioning. I have to get under the covers. Our room has two beds. Paul is already buried in his bed. I find that my bed does not have enough covers. I grab all the bedding (and see lots of graffiti on the mattress) to put over Paul with the idea to join him for warmth. Paul asks "What are you doing?" I said "I'm joining you! I need warmth!" Paul then says "I'm not fucking!" I'm shocked (he doesn't talk this way to me). I said, "Don't worry, I need your warmth!" Of course, after we warmed up.....
We went to the restaurant in the hotel to eat and were able to get a good meal with the money we had. There was a family from the United States driving through Mexico and a group of bikers also from the United States. Very interesting conversation. Paul ordered a cake that was made using goat milk. I couldn't stand goat anything then and I could smell it. I made nasty comments about it and Paul made a point of licking the plate, another shocker to me. It started a gag reflex for me and I had to get out of there.
The next morning we left as soon as we got up. We didn't get back to the resort until later in the day. The rain had stopped. I felt so cruddy in my damp clothes. I could hardly walk after that drive. Later we got in the hot tub listening to Margaritaville. A fitting end.
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Here are recent pictures of Conner. He is so cute. I wonder how he will act when he has a baby brother.
There is a plus for me having gone through what has happened as can other people's experiences be a plus. I and they can help others with the knowledge of experience. This woman who goes by Zelfred submitted this to thegrieftoolbox.com and states it so well!
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Grief
We are all individuals, our circumstances are different and our relationships are different as is the resultant level and depth and length of grief we experience. Whilst there are undeniable similarities – each experience as unique as our fingerprints.
When a loved one is taken our love does not stop. Our love continues to grow daily, but the object of your affection is gone from our presence. We can talk to them, write to them and remember the good times, but we cannot see them, touch them, hug or kiss them. We have no outlet for the love that still resides and continues to grow in our hearts. And that hurts! We grieve and hurt this much because we love so much. We feel the sting of tears as we contemplate our loss and the future we will never have again with them on earth… dreams now shattered.
That does not mean we stop trying our best to carry on with our lives. Get out for a bit as impossible as it seems. Nothing major at first: whatever we can manage for short spells, always allowing ourselves a quick retreat if we should feel overwhelmed. At times when I have felt the least “able” to step outside the confines of home I have felt the most refreshed when I got out nonetheless. Take resolve to make them proud.
There are days when we feel stronger and we can do these things and make them proud and be proud of our own progress, but the next day an unexpected wave of grief and sense of loss may hit and we feel utterly depleted – weak (the “BAD!”). I believe at times like these we should listen to our souls. Take the time out and be kind to ourselves. Allow ourselves the “luxury” to grieve in whichever way suits us. Be it crying and sobbing uncontrollably to purge the pain (the “UGLY”) or withdrawing for a while in quiet reflection and politely dismissing the expectations of those around us while we regain our emotional strength to face another day. We should never, ever feel guilty for feeling and acknowledging our pain. Certainly we have not failed our departed loved ones or ourselves. We are human. We grieve because we love.
Smiles and victories will be there. Beautiful memories recalled with fondness, but lurking in the same heart that holds joy in memory, strength and resolve, there now resides pain, loss, loneliness and sometimes a seemingly limitless supply of fresh tears. They co-exist and take turns in surfacing unheeded and often so out of our control. The best thing we can do for ourselves is ride out the waves that come – whatever they are. Experience them guilt-free. Don’t view them as a test to be passed or failed. We now have a new appreciation for the things that really matter in life. Relationships and people. The resulting empathy and compassion we have acquired will make it possible to help others on the same path.
Our own experiences and wisdom gained can help those new on the path. Right there is our new purpose in life. That above all is what you should strive for. To use your pain to uplift and share with others who are seeking the answers. To help them realize they are not alone, that whatever they feel is ok. We can light their path to make it easier to follow – and forgive themselves. And that is the “GOOD” part of grief.
So, I have so much this week with an endoscopy, a memorial service of my friend Marykay's father, a Red Hat Dinner and a talk to a fundraiser sponsored by Avon to support a woman who will participate in a walk on the coast (the entry fee is $1800). I should have a lot to share.
I hope you have a good week and those in the zones where the weather is bizarre, come through this. See you next Sunday. Rachel
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