We Support Each Other When Times Are Rough

  

In the Dying, Letting Go, Grief, Support and Healing Group on Google+, people share their experiences with loss. It is very heart warming as people hunker down to support the one going through this rough time.  Here was one which actually reminded me of the position I have been in.  This woman described a major loss that a remote community experienced, a murder/suicide that happened to distant relatives long in the same community.   She felt that since she had a job helping people grieve, she should have done much better in being there for others and in dealing with her own feelings.  I felt that way too at the beginning of the losses I experienced. But, I decided later it was unrealistic to take myself out of this situation as if I was only the professional. I really could relate to what she said. 

This is how I responded:   I can relate to your description of your feelings. I used to be a social worker in hospice. I made it okay to talk about these tough issues. I believe I helped others, but I learned a lot by everything they shared. I went through a series of very tough losses and found myself reacting like everyone else. So what I learned is that we are first human beings before our professions or other things that separate us. Then I got cancer and now it is stage IV.  But, I have had cancer over 15 years and it has been stage IV over 8 years of that time. I can say I've learned a lot by all that has happened. And, as much as I would rather not have gone through this, this has shaped me, making me much more sensitive to what others feel. So, I guess, in this very odd way, it was a plus.

Here is how another woman described the helplessness of her grief and how she had a hard time with platitudes ("God knew you had the strength to handle this") and yet recognized later how she grew from this.   -  +Rhonda  ...........​.  +Myste ......​. +Rachel Jerdin​. ((((Biggest of hugs))))

 Somedays i feel like climbing the highest mountain anScreaming my head off. 

Then i lookaround me &reflect a lot on what was to the what is . 

If life were a remote control . Or R.I.P  ment return if possible . Even just for aquick 5 mins. But . Then the pain would start from the beginning & those tiny steps that on reflection are leaps wouldb back full on.. 

Its not till u have been shaken to the core u realise . Loads . You go through every emotion u can think of & some . Question the ifs buts whys maybes . Drive urself insane because there is not a thing u could do to change any thing . Iwas told once at the very begining i got e erything that happend because the lord knew i could handle it all. At the time i thought what a load of  crok wat about such &such they deserve ?. 

As ihave come through the yearz the hardest i found was forgiving yourself . 

Youare notsuperwoman& its ok to get angry . 

I write have donefor years . & on reflection in my writings iknew . 

Still didnt make anything any easier if any thing gave me guilt. Could i have changed things ? Not even with remote  viewing . Dreams . No. I wasnt to change anything . I was to be an example . This took me years to sink in also . The insight , I Share so others know their never alone . 

Love & Kindness . (( hugs))

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A man on Google+ had this advice in dealing with a prickly pear fruit. -   The traditional way to remove the prickly hair is by laying the fruit on the grass and vigorously sweeping it about with a broom.

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I had Carol to myself in Art Class.  I have been having problems drawing the breast feathers of the parrot, and, it might be the same issue with Owls.  So I watched as she used a pencil and then showed how it would be with a brush.  She was showing me that it is the same techniques.  Below was a feather from another type of bird.  Since I'm traveling, I haven't been able to do all I wanted.   My friends here Jacquie and her daughter Debbie have a Cockatiel named Piper. So I drew Piper and the felt I got his personality in his face. 

I 

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I worked further on the owl and I think it is much improved. 

Y Mason 

My friend Barbara and I came to see friends Jacquie and Debbie who live in the wine region in Sonoma  County. We went to two wineries Bella which had the wine in caves and Ramond Burr Winery (yes that Raymon Burr who was in many movies and was the star of Perry Mason and Ironsides).  We also met a man, Jacob, that Raymond Burr brought from Fiji, paid for college and helped himself out.  I'm doing this'll my iPad which is a little different.

The first picture is Jacquie, her daughter Debbie and  Barbara who lives a mile from me. We do a lot together and both of us knew Jacquie in different ways.   Jacquie was a counselor at the Health Department  and we both worked with HIV/AIDs patients. Barbara and Jacquie met each other in a support group called Make Today Count for people with chronic illness.

This is being done on my iPad. It is acting up. So I can't do it in the same way I've done it in the past. That's where the last picture you see here is of an osprey nest. Today Jackie, Debbie and I are going to see a couple of other wineries.  Barbara has gone to Fort Ross to do some more genealogical research.   Because the keyboard with the outfit that has disappeared on me I'm doing this by dictation so I am ending now and I hope to see you guys next Sunday thank you for reading.     Rachel 

Photographs, Art and Plants for the Soul

So Mike Dunbar showed this gorgeous picture that he took. I had said on another picture that it looked like a painting. It seemed that this was not acceptable to him then, and yet I thought it was beautiful. Now he does it again and this is gorgeous!  I said I didn't mean to insult him that it looked  like a painting, but there seemed to be something very sensual to what I was looking at. 

Then Mike said:   +Rachel Jerdin ERM, I didn't do anything! (Except go out walking at 5am, mad.) I just turned up and it was there.

ME:   I'm impressed you are out walking that early!  Most of the time I'm still sleeping!  So getting up early would be one thing necessary to get a shot like that!  You live in a beautiful area that is very green!  Now there are lovely places here too, not in the same way, but nature is sooo special. So your setting is really nice!  You must have a wonderful camera. It is more likely to capture what you are looking at. You have a special education with the photography, and, perhaps other subjects that adds to your repertoire of knowledge to draw on like Joe McNally.  And, in addition to that knowledge, You have excellent skills. So maybe it wasn't so obvious to you, but your sub-conscience knows and draws on that. Your personality would also be a factor in what you like. And, then there is luck and timing!  Lots of things go into this picture that you don't give yourself credit in finding and sharing it from your perspective!  I love your work and obviously many other people do too!  You need more exposure. I'm positive other people would love it too!  His commercial site is Mike Dunbar Commercial Photography-  mikedunbar.co.uk.  See his other work.  He is is Scotland, so he has some beautiful areas all around him.

So here is his gorgeous picture which is a photograph!

Gillahill Wood in Scotland by Mike Dunbar

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So at my art class with Carol Bradshaw we focused on doing feathers on a parrot and an owl. She talked about shading and getting more of this to fill in the contour of my drawing. She made a point (which she has told me multiple times- "you must get the hair going in the right direction, otherwise it isn't believable."  So the classmate I did have, Wayne, called Carol to find out when we were doing owls. I got excited because I thought he would be back.  He is so talented and I just enjoy him. Well, he didn't show up, but I am hoping he will return.  It makes for a better class because of our interaction.  I had drawn a feather Carol gave me as a model and did a pretty good job. I couldn't return them because my cats killed these feathers. I will work more on the parrot and I picked an owl walking very determinedly.  I did a chicken once with a similar pose.

Parrot was Redone

Owl Ready to Lift Off

I went to the Helping One Woman dinner honoring Debbie Cramlet She had a lot of family members and friends there. She is a very nurturing person to family, friends and community. She owned Deb's Deli in Hanford.   She was diagnosed with appendiceal cancer in 2011 and gets her treatment in Houston, Texas.   That is a long trip!  It went into remission, but came back this March.

Debbie with her daughter Brittany

I stay with Martha when I come here for the Helping One Woman dinner.  We went to a Mexican restaurant called Super Taco for breakfast in Woodlake.  They had a type of Quesadilla for breakfast.  It was okay, but I didn't think it was that great.  I took some of it home and when I heated it for a minute in the microwave, what a difference!  Now that was delicious.  I wonder if they just forgot to do this before giving it to me.  Then we checked out the botanical garden, Bravo Lake Botanical Garden.   started by a couple who live in this town.  Wow!  Now that was special. Most of the signage identifying the plants was torn down. They have to find a way to protect this area. You are allowed to taste the edible plants, but you are not allowed to take them out of the garden.   What a lovely walk that was!    The man, Manuel with his wife started this.  Manuel Jimenez was there so we were able to talk to him about this.  They have a dinner fundraiser in October.  He recommended coming in Spring when there is so much more blooming.  So they have very little money but they do have a fair amount of volunteers.

The Entrance

Martha Getting a Closeup

Martha Catching Up to Me

A Sunflower Going to Seed

Hanging Grapes over an Archway

Colorful Flowers (No sign!)

More Colorful Flowers (No Sign!)

Pumpkin and Gourds

Martha has a cactus plant called a Prickly Pear in her yard that produces a fruit. She had never tried it, but I did. It was mildly sweet and very juicy. The only problem I had is I got stickers in my lip and hands. Now I know where the name came from. It took several days for them to come out on their own.  I think I should wear heavy gloves next time and peal it with a vegetable peeler!

Prickly Cactus Pear

  The other thing Martha showed me was a watering system with clay pots buried in the soil up to the neck.  Her daughter gave it to her.  She had a group of flowers there which were thriving well. You pour the water in the top and depending on the time of year, you only need to water every five to ten days. I like this for vacation.  Here's the site if you are interested. I ordered several. 

GrowOya.com    Also, the original name for this is Olla.  So, if you want to do a search for it elsewhere,  feel free.

GrowOya.com

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My friend Vic and I met at a Korean restaurant in Bakersfield called Tofu House. It has much more than that and the food is delicious. We went over a chapter of the book he is writing. I only had minor suggestions on this, but it was a great discussion.  When I got home, I felt very sleepy and fell asleep.  I slept from around 1:30 to 11 pm.  Then went to bed around 2am until 6 am.  I saw my Oncologist Dr. Tun before my chemotherapy. I told him about this and he said he has this reaction from Asian food that had MSG making him very sleepy.  He thinks the sauces have lots of MSG in it. When I have Asian food at night, I just think I'm normally tired. So for the last few weeks I slowed down dramatically intentionally.   Dr. Tun said my level on the MUGA scan was very good at 74%. The time before it was 60%.  He thought of stopping the Herceptin, but he said the cancer came back after he stopped it before. I told him I'd like to continue until symptoms were continuous. Then I'd be open to stopping it.   I thought my body was telling me to rest so I did a lot less the last three weeks. Now I will think about the food I eat to determine if there is a connection with MSG and sleeping. 

I am getting on my stationary bicycle for 10 minutes per day and will increase this in the near future. I am still juicing also, but now two to three times per week. 

Janet and I met at our old haunt, Mexicali's.  We are struck by the choices younger people make compared to what we would wear. We have had this waitress serve us quite a while. She was wearing heavy black frames on glasses she was wearing. If it were us, we would attempt to use contact lenses and if we needed glasses (I do), we would wear frames that would be less noticeable. However, she is so pretty, she could wear anything and look great.

Well, that is it, for the week.  I hope your week was a good one for you.  I'll see you next Sunday!
Rachel

Interactions with Artists on Google+

So I look at the posts on this art site on Google+.  I really am fascinated with people's styles and talent. So one person responded to what I said:  

Thank you, Rachel. Are you an artist also?

ME:  A beginner.  I have taken drawing and water color classes for almost two years. I didn't even have a clue to do anything before this. I wasn't even a kindergarten level then. So I'm excited about it all now. 

+Rachel Jerdin I don't know why I asked you that. I don't ask that and never have asked anyone else. There must have been a reason. This illustrates the very idea that art is not planned or known about before it appears. Just like my asking you about your art, I don't know you and did not plan to do that.

So, if you can take a tip from one who has been fooling around with art since 1963, interrupted by a number of other disciplines like computer programming and fighting authorities that don't obey their own law, you should stop taking classes immediately. I have never had a single class. That would have killed my own creativity by instilling ideas from some teacher. I am not an art teacher, because I cannot tell anyone how to paint or create. All I can do is tell them how NOT to do it.

The danger for you is copying others and then copying your own work. Each piece has to spring forth anew, not be a copy. Therefore, if you stop doing what you have been doing and just paint, let it all hang out, you will find your creativity invigorated by each work you complete. It gets in your blood and like a junkie you have to let the next one out.

Please take my words in the way I intended them, not to preach to you but only to give you the benefit of many years of art and other things have taught me. It is never to late to begin to be your own creative self.

ME:  I appreciate your comments. I'm not willing to part from my teacher yet!  I have found her to be soooo encouraging and supportive. Periodically she will stare open mouthed at what I do, seeming at shock at what I have done. She recognizes my style as very different from hers and doesn't push me into her style, so I'm okay with it so far. And believe me, what I could do May 2013 and I what I can do now are night and day. I'm not looking at your work to copy it. I'm fascinated with art. My step-mother (she's an artist) and I go to art museums when we get together. I look at people's work and try to figure out how they did what they did.  So thanks for sharing your art and thoughts about it. I really appreciate it!"

.......

There is another person, Mike Dunbar who is a fabulous photographer. He has a real knack with lighting. So far I have not seen anyone accomplish what he has done, especially with his Still Life. Just fantastic. And now he is branching out doing buildings and landscapes. So nice. Well I sounded like a broken record saying "Wow!  The lighting is spectacular!"  Then he suggested I read Joe McNally's book THE MOMENT IT CLICKS, who's work is about the lighting in photography. He is a magazine photographer. Great information. I finally noted on Mike Dunbar's site he has written "It's the lighting."  I'm so observant!

I have learned from looking at what they share and I really appreciate it. 

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I had another MUGA scan (it checks the pressure of blood being pumped through the heart) this week. The technician is one I had in the beginning and he noticed that I've had a lot of these tests. I told him it is easier to do all this since I retired. He asked what I do with my time and I told him I have had art classes in drawing and watercolor. In the end he said, "bring a couple of pieces next time you come, I'm interested."   So I will.  I keep hearing people say "I can't do that."  And I remember saying that. That is why I will show it. They can do it.  Whether they make a profession or hobby of it, it's okay. I think our brains develop better when including the arts. We deal with issues better,  it adds to our insight into what we and I think it might help in problem solving.  We need more of this!

I met with my friend Janet at our old haunt Mexicali's.   We talk about so much. It is our weekly catch-up. I think it is good for both of us. 

It my art class, a woman, Linda joined us.  She has been with us a few times before.  I showed my work to Carol who had given me good feedback on ways to improve it.  So I have redone it.  I know I have a ways to go, but I remind myself where I have been, and when compared to that, it is WOW!  So I think my drawing is a lot better.  When any of Carol's students doubt their improvement, she gets them to bring their earlier work, and that does it.  They stay with it.   I don't really care for the watercolor of the parrot, but I'm showing you it.  I also will do another painting of the parrot.  Next subject in class is to do a drawing and then a painting of an owl.

Drawing of Parrot by Rachel

Watercolor of Parrot by Rachel

Today, my friend Barbara and I are going to go see Ricki and the Flash.  Both of us like Meryl Streep.  Then we are going for Chinese food.  We like the Great Castle, so that is probably the place we will go.  I haven't seen her in maybe a month.  She has been in Utah part of the time at a conference doing research on family trees.  Her mother had done it for years and she has continued it.  I look forward to hearing how it went.

Another blogger, Doreen Tapper shares her thought one year after she was diagnosed about her fears and the value of her supporters. 

http://doreentapper.blogspot.com/2015/08/a-year-has-passed.html?m=1

So that is it for the week.  So hot these days (it's that time of year), it isn't pleasant to go outside.  So I'm doing things in the house.  I hope your week went well and I will see you next Sunday.

High School Classmates Found

This has been an even slower week, but I think I've really needed it. 

A few months ago, a high school friend Linda Hufano got ahold of me through Classmates.com. We had a wonderful talk and she gave me the phone number of another high school classmate Barbara Wessels.  Well, I called Barbara and we talked a long time. It was wonderful catching up. We are going to visit each other in the near future. I'll take a bus down to see her. These blasts from the past have all been so good.  There is another I hope to see and that is Toni Kimberling.  Linda is coordinating a date around Christmas for the four of us to meet.  I can't express well enough how excited I am about this!  I feel like a little kid and I want to jump up and down with excitement! These people were very important to me at that time, especially Barbara.  I spent a lot of time with her.  I don't know why we ended up just going our own ways.    So I went through our yearbook at copied some pictures, including one when I played in the dance band in high school.  We were called The Naturals.

Starting upper left is Linda, then Toni, then Barbara.
I'm at the bottom, and I look way too intellectual!

So I was in the Dance Band playing the Bass.  I loved it.  This is in my senior year 1967
I used to think I was fat!  That disturbs me, because I do seem to get bigger each year and
I wish that I didn't have that mentality about weight.  Such a bad place for girls and women to get into!
I was majoring in music through my junior year of college and then decided on Social Work.  I had
a lot of catching up so I did six years of undergraduate schooling to get my degree.

At my class with Carol the issues she pointed out in my pictures were to keep the lines going in the same direction and be aware of where the lines would reasonably come from and go- this was relating to the pistil and stamens in the flower.  So I did work on the drawing.  She also felt I needed more layers of color on my daylily. This week we are drawing a parrot. I did a parrot a long time ago so this is a different one.  I'm not ready to show it yet, but I will have the drawing done for class and next week, I should have the drawing and painting done of the Parrot.

This is my most recent attempt to do what Carol  recommended on the drawing of the daylily. 

My Drawing of a Daylily Corrected

More work on the painting of the Daylily.  It needs more layers both in the flower
and the black background.  I also need to remove the mask on the Pistil and Stamens.

Janet and I went to dinner Saturday night since she got back later from the coast where she was playing in a woman's golf tournament. This time we went to The Red Pepper on my side of town. They have excellent food. We were talking about it when we were at Mexicali's last week. They are very creative and do an excellent job with sea food.  Her trip went well - the weather was mild, she had a opportunity to spend a lot of time with a particular friend. I'm happy it went so well. I also shared with her making contact with a my high school friends.  I had scanned some pictures I found in our senior yearbook. I loved sharing this with Janet. 

All the females on the Jerdin side of the family have been texting each other to plan for the next Jerdin child to enter the family. My Granddaughter Crystal is going to have a girl. It is amazing all the details everyone is bringing up. The excitement is high.  They think they are doing it in October in a park because they think it will be a very large group.  This is very doable because weather is usually very mild at that time of year.  They had ideas of the cookies they really liked, but these ran $125 to $150 a dozen. We nixed that. Way too expensive. As my granddaughter Heather said "that is what I take home in a week for my part time job!  I didn't think we would need a budget just for the cookies!"  She will be my third great-grandchild and the first girl of this generation.

That is all I have to share today.  It was a break and gave me a chance to reminisce about people who were very important to me at another time.  I hope you have a good week.  I believe I am doing better.  Talk to you next Sunday.            Rachel

A Beach Weekend

This has been a fairly slow week for me. This was intentional since I have been dragging for quite a while. I thought that perhaps my body caught up with me saying "enough!"  I had dinner with my friend Janet at Mexicali's. She will be spending next week at the beach playing in a golf tournament for women. 

No art class this week, but I did work on painting a daylily. I also drew a version of this daylily.  The painting is not complete. There is a mask on the stamens and pistil. I also want to paint the background black made from the colors I'm using on this painting. 

Drawing of Daylily

Unfinished Painting of Daylily

 We will be working on drawing and painting a parrot and then an owl. I asked if after this we could go back to drawing so I could finally finish the pictures of the dogs my friends Janet and Barbara had. Their dogs  have since died.   I had worked on them but had problems with proportions. I look forward to giving them their pictures. I also want to draw the pictures of the dogs my friends Mimi and Marc have. I need to take pictures to start working on them at a later date. 

On Friday, I had Chemotherapy first thing in the morning. I had a substitute nurse, Edna, who shared with me her experience with going to estate sales.  I think Shelley and I will try this together sometime.  She also suggested for the neuropathy to rub my hands together to create friction to increase blood-flow to my finger tips and also to fold up a beach towel on the floor to rub my feet to lessen the effects of n  She said it would also help for numbness (yes and issue), and pain (not an issue for me).  This seems like such an easy fix, I am very willing to do this. My social worker Robin happened to be here to see another patient.  She also went to the going away party for Susan and Jennifer. We had a nice talk. Kaiser started a senior clinic similar to the one I used to work in with Kaiser in the late 1990's to 2003. It was an excellent clinic for problem solving with patients and their families. I really enjoyed doing that then. Patients and their families need this information, and it is a service that is really needed.

After chemotherapy, my daughter Shelley and I went to San Diego to see a friend of mine Yvonne, whom I haven't seen in several years. She invited me down and said I could bring a friend. Shelley did the driving. I was worried about how I would do because of this sense of exhaustion I have been experiencing recently. I'm happy to say I did pretty good.  We met Rich, a friend of Yvonne's. We went to a small Thai restaurant with delicious food and lovely ambiance. We sat outside with lots of plants all around us. Then we went to the beach to see the sunset. There was a fog bank in the distance that covered some of the sunset, but it it was not a failure. 

Shelley and I at the Thai Restaurant

Yvonne with her friend Rich at the Thai restaurant

Yvonne and Rich at the Beach

Beautiful Sunset at the Beach

Shelley and I in Silhouette at the Beach

The next day, minus Rich, we had breakfast where the surfers hang out. Delicious food and nice bodies and then stopped at points along the ocean. So beautiful!  We went in a crystal store. I bought a piece of Amber hanging from a cord necklace. It is supposed to be the color of your energy. I figure I could use something to increase my energy!  after that, we went ocean side to see Bird Rock!  What a sight!  We took a nap in the afternoon which is exactly what the doctor ordered.  I felt so much better after this.

Yvonne, Shelley and Me at the Surfer Place for Breakfast

Shelley and Yvonne with Crashing Waves Behind Them

Yvonne getting Artsy with Shelley and Me Next to
Beautifully Tiled Bench

A Local Sight Called Bird Rock

Shelley with Bird Rock Behind Her

Yvonne Called this Evolution House.  There was More
around the Corner

We also stopped to get fresh smoothy. Mine was green which I needed for my medications. Very tasty!

At night we went to an Indian restaurant, Spice Lounge. That also was delicious food and fabulous ambiance. 

This morning Yvonne made us chilaquiles.   So delicious!  Shelley and I haven't had that. But now I'll rate everyone's version to what Yvonne made for us.  Yum!! 

So Yvonne is a host on Airbnb.  It is on the Internet.  It might be easier to use on a computer, but you can download the site onto your mobile phone.   She has two rooms she rents out in the Pacific Beach area. Beautiful!  And, she is a gracious host. Price is reasonable, close to the beach, lovely ambiance. No guarantee of a meal, but you'll probably get a meal. Love the coffee! I don't understand why we in America  we would drink such weak coffee that it just seems like colored water!  Ugh!  Yvonne coffee tastes just like great coffee!  Also, parking is an issue.  However, Yvonne gave us her parking spot at her home so we wouldn't have to walk much to our car.

I had mentioned in an earlier post that  a journalist and photographer from Bakersfield Life, a local magazine,  had stopped me and asked me what part of Kern County I liked the most. Actually, there is a lot I like, but since I was downtown I talked about that, First Friday, a monthly event with the emphasis on the art galleries in Bakersfield.  It is a wonderful event and now they are raising money to make this area more inviting. 

I'm in the Bottom Right Corner

Close up of the Caption

This was a good week. I really do much better if I take breaks. I hope your week went well and I'll see you next Sunday.             Rachel

My daughter Shelley and I have left San Diego. When I get home, I will publish blog.  I'm letting you know now because it took over 6 hours to get here and it could take as long ( or longer) depending on traffic.