Doing So Much Better!

I felt so weak and finally was able to run a couple of errands Tuesday afternoon.  Though I was still weak, I had increased strength.  By Thursday, whatever I had, stopped. I feel "normal!"  This has actually been going on quite a while- the exhaustion  part. One of my nurses thought it could have been a virus that I recovered from on my own. I'm so relieved. I had been looking at canceling more events I had planned on attending.

A friend of mine's wife died recently. Actually, they were both friends. It was another friend who reached him and he told her she died two weeks earlier. I feel so bad I haven't been in contact as much as I would have liked. I think I talked to both of them four weeks ago. Others want to have a dinner to remember Mimi which I understand, but I felt we should be okay if Marc doesn't want to go. I remember being invited to a gathering soon after my mom died. I found this gathering more than I could handle. I put on a fake smile, but then I had to get out of there. I would like to be there more for Marc, but at the same time I want to abide by any limits he would set. Right now he isn't returning my call, so it is a moot point. We want him to know he and Mimi are loved by us. Whatever we could do we would. 

I cut off talking with most people when I felt so bad.  I said we could talk when I was feeling better. It is hard to do this, but I have to take care of myself.  Each day I have gained energy.  This may be similar to Marc. 

.......................

After all the plumbing work, one toilet kept running on. They came right away and found still more rust in the line clogging the mechanism in the toilet. They recommend a water pressure valve, but the part is around $800. I can't do that. 

The following day, the owner of the masonry company came to check on the wall they did. He assured me that the white is salt in the water and in time it won't be obvious. He also will have a cap that broke off glued back on. I am pleased with responsible companies who take their work seriously. 

My new washer and dryer were delivered and I had a lot of washing to do.  They couldn't connect the dryer because the gas pipe line was not up to code, it needed to be higher up. I called a Handiman who came out the next day.  It has a steam component in both the washer and dryer. One of my readers felt it was necessary to wash using the heavy load to truly get clothes cleaned. So I'll be checking that out. I have had front loading for 10 years now which uses much less water, so I may already know how it will work. 

This is my new washer and dryer. My house is over 55 years old and at that time it was common for the washer and dryer to go in the garage. They are so modern, I'm thinking of moving in them. 

At least the pedestals they sit on are drawers.
A lot of laundry supplies can be stored there.

My cousin Steven called. I put him off until I felt better. He has been responsible for the trusts for his mother who is 98 years old and in assisted living, and his brother who is in a special home in the Bay Area  for those with mental illness. He is very worried about finances. But while there is any money, no one will talk to him about plans. His brother is getting Medicare/Medi-Cal, but Steve says he has enough money to supplement this through the trust for one more year. He panics his brother could be on the street or put in jail. His brother has schizophrenia and he needs a protective environment which would monitor his medications. It seems that all the people and agencies who promised to help him have disappeared or refuse to respond to his requests.   He tried him living in his home but his brother went to all the neighbors saying he was being imprisoned. As a result, several police cars came with guns drawn. So his home is no longer an option.They wanted the money, but as that is depleted, they don't want to deal with another person with no money.  I'm a sounding board for him and hopefully someone will work with him who knows the resources in his area. 

Here is my most recent picture of my friend Barbara's dog Patti. It is the best I've done of her. I think the proportions are much better.  I'm about to start on my friend Janet's dog Poopy. It was a Bichon Frise. The challenge for me will be doing white hair.  I need to work further on my skills of negative drawing (filling in the area around the form, like a lock of hair).

Patti Re-done.

               

Here is a link On Being "Chapter Two"   This man describes entering a relationship with a woman who's first husband died in a tragic accident. He talks about different loves. Worth reading:   http://www.onefitwidow.com/on-being-chapter-2/http://www.onefitwidow.com/on-being-chapter-2/

Here are seven powerful pictures of terminally ill patients getting their last wish fulfilled. 

http://www.upworthy.com/7-powerful-photographs-of-terminally-ill-patients-living-out-their-final-wishes?c=ufb2http://www.upworthy.com/7-powerful-photographs-of-terminally-ill-patients-living-out-their-final-wishes?c=ufb2

Thank you for reading. I'm feeling much better this week. I hope you are doing well and I will see you next Sunday.               Rachel

Returning Home

Well, finishing up last weeks blog was sure difficult doing it away from home.  I'm not sure why it was so difficult, because I felt like I should be able to do exactly what I do at home. Hopefully I can work this out.  I feel I'm limited in travel if I can't work that out. 

I gave the picture I drew of Piper, their Cocateil, to Debbie and Jacquie. They felt the face reflected Piper's personality. I'm glad they liked it.

Barbara took off to do ancestry research at Fort Ross. After I finished my blog, Jacquie, Debbie and I went to three wineries.  Coppola Winery was the nicest because they also sold a lot items you might associate with entertaining with wine. It was a great museum of the movies Francis Coppola wrote, produced and directed. That was fun. The grounds were beautiful. They also had a pool that people were able to use. I didn't check this out because I was not interested in using it.   Actually, all the grounds of the wineries (the other two were Clos du Bois and Trentadue) were beautiful and the wine tasting was nice. The wines were not wines that you could buy at home. It is interesting that now they charge for wine tasting between $5 and $15 to taste four wines. I remember when wine tasting was free. 

On the way home, Barbara and I stopped in Santa Nella for their split pea soup. I have fond memories of it as did Barbara.  Well I will never again push to go there. I thought the soup was terrible. Barbara felt it tasted like canned soup. So I have that out of my system!  Ugh!

I had my Red Hat group this week. We met at Sorella's which is a nice Italian restaurant. I had the Fettuccine and Clams. It was delicious. Each of us had something different. All of us liked what we had. It is further from my home than the other restaurants. Perhaps that is why I haven't been there in a long time. I will have to include it as one of the restaurants I frequent.  

One very important benefit from our Red Hat group is that we share life issues we deal with to get emotional support. The fact is we all have issues, a lot of them similar. We can share what we have done or what we think we might have done in that situation. The other role, is just a listening ear. Most of our experiences with the men in our lives is their desire to fix our problems, though much of what we deal with may not be fixable. Just being able to talk is a great value to us. It lets some of the frustration and steam dissipate. My group wants my daughter Shelley to join. She is not 50 years old, so she would be a princess until that time.  I would love that. We are looking at some social events occurring in our community.  Our group would like to go as girlfriends.  They look like fun outings.

We had no art class this week. I did draw another owl different than what I've shared. I've thought about using colored pencil to finish it. I had such a hard time separating the contact paper for my walking owl.  I used it to cover the owl so I could do a flat background. This owl is actually at twilight. The sky has a lavender look to it because of the time. What I would like to do is put the lavender over the owl after I've painted it. What I don't want to happen is ruin the look of the owl, that going over in the lavender could smudge the color underneath. I just want a graded color over the owl to show the owl belongs there.  The other thing I want to accomplish is redo the parrot drawing with very thin lines for the feathers.  I received the Rigger brushes I ordered yesterday. So hopefully the right tool helps. 

I have slept a lot this week. I had not gone to a Chinese restaurant, so I think I can rule out the use of MSG. One friend left a message saying"I know you are out having a ball, so I won't call you on your cell phone."  Actually, if either phone rang (which one did), I would sleep through both. 

Here is where I'm at on my art work. They are works in progress obviously.  I'll do more on them tomorrow before class.

I thought of finishing this with color pencil

I put contact paper on the owl to be able to do a flat wash over it.

My friend Janet and I went to the Red Pepper. They have good Mexican food with style. Very relaxing time together. 

This morning I went out with my granddaughter Kayla for her birthday. She turned 15 yesterday. We went to Anita's, but they no longer do a Sunday Branch. You can ask for the lunch or breakfast. We had breakfast. Kayla had a  a green chili breakfast burrito and I had chilaquiles.  Then we split a banana chimichanga with vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce. Anyway,  I missed the buffet breakfast, but the food was tasty and was actually too big.  I love their Menudo and I'll get that next time. 

I am feeling very tired again. I'll lie down to rest and my pattern is to fall asleep, wake up late evening and back to sleep until tomorrow morning. 

That's it for the this week. I hope your week went well and that this next week goes well.  See you next Sunday.               Rachel 

Photographs, Art and Plants for the Soul

So Mike Dunbar showed this gorgeous picture that he took. I had said on another picture that it looked like a painting. It seemed that this was not acceptable to him then, and yet I thought it was beautiful. Now he does it again and this is gorgeous!  I said I didn't mean to insult him that it looked  like a painting, but there seemed to be something very sensual to what I was looking at. 

Then Mike said:   +Rachel Jerdin ERM, I didn't do anything! (Except go out walking at 5am, mad.) I just turned up and it was there.

ME:   I'm impressed you are out walking that early!  Most of the time I'm still sleeping!  So getting up early would be one thing necessary to get a shot like that!  You live in a beautiful area that is very green!  Now there are lovely places here too, not in the same way, but nature is sooo special. So your setting is really nice!  You must have a wonderful camera. It is more likely to capture what you are looking at. You have a special education with the photography, and, perhaps other subjects that adds to your repertoire of knowledge to draw on like Joe McNally.  And, in addition to that knowledge, You have excellent skills. So maybe it wasn't so obvious to you, but your sub-conscience knows and draws on that. Your personality would also be a factor in what you like. And, then there is luck and timing!  Lots of things go into this picture that you don't give yourself credit in finding and sharing it from your perspective!  I love your work and obviously many other people do too!  You need more exposure. I'm positive other people would love it too!  His commercial site is Mike Dunbar Commercial Photography-  mikedunbar.co.uk.  See his other work.  He is is Scotland, so he has some beautiful areas all around him.

So here is his gorgeous picture which is a photograph!

Gillahill Wood in Scotland by Mike Dunbar

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So at my art class with Carol Bradshaw we focused on doing feathers on a parrot and an owl. She talked about shading and getting more of this to fill in the contour of my drawing. She made a point (which she has told me multiple times- "you must get the hair going in the right direction, otherwise it isn't believable."  So the classmate I did have, Wayne, called Carol to find out when we were doing owls. I got excited because I thought he would be back.  He is so talented and I just enjoy him. Well, he didn't show up, but I am hoping he will return.  It makes for a better class because of our interaction.  I had drawn a feather Carol gave me as a model and did a pretty good job. I couldn't return them because my cats killed these feathers. I will work more on the parrot and I picked an owl walking very determinedly.  I did a chicken once with a similar pose.

Parrot was Redone

Owl Ready to Lift Off

I went to the Helping One Woman dinner honoring Debbie Cramlet She had a lot of family members and friends there. She is a very nurturing person to family, friends and community. She owned Deb's Deli in Hanford.   She was diagnosed with appendiceal cancer in 2011 and gets her treatment in Houston, Texas.   That is a long trip!  It went into remission, but came back this March.

Debbie with her daughter Brittany

I stay with Martha when I come here for the Helping One Woman dinner.  We went to a Mexican restaurant called Super Taco for breakfast in Woodlake.  They had a type of Quesadilla for breakfast.  It was okay, but I didn't think it was that great.  I took some of it home and when I heated it for a minute in the microwave, what a difference!  Now that was delicious.  I wonder if they just forgot to do this before giving it to me.  Then we checked out the botanical garden, Bravo Lake Botanical Garden.   started by a couple who live in this town.  Wow!  Now that was special. Most of the signage identifying the plants was torn down. They have to find a way to protect this area. You are allowed to taste the edible plants, but you are not allowed to take them out of the garden.   What a lovely walk that was!    The man, Manuel with his wife started this.  Manuel Jimenez was there so we were able to talk to him about this.  They have a dinner fundraiser in October.  He recommended coming in Spring when there is so much more blooming.  So they have very little money but they do have a fair amount of volunteers.

The Entrance

Martha Getting a Closeup

Martha Catching Up to Me

A Sunflower Going to Seed

Hanging Grapes over an Archway

Colorful Flowers (No sign!)

More Colorful Flowers (No Sign!)

Pumpkin and Gourds

Martha has a cactus plant called a Prickly Pear in her yard that produces a fruit. She had never tried it, but I did. It was mildly sweet and very juicy. The only problem I had is I got stickers in my lip and hands. Now I know where the name came from. It took several days for them to come out on their own.  I think I should wear heavy gloves next time and peal it with a vegetable peeler!

Prickly Cactus Pear

  The other thing Martha showed me was a watering system with clay pots buried in the soil up to the neck.  Her daughter gave it to her.  She had a group of flowers there which were thriving well. You pour the water in the top and depending on the time of year, you only need to water every five to ten days. I like this for vacation.  Here's the site if you are interested. I ordered several. 

GrowOya.com    Also, the original name for this is Olla.  So, if you want to do a search for it elsewhere,  feel free.

GrowOya.com

. 

My friend Vic and I met at a Korean restaurant in Bakersfield called Tofu House. It has much more than that and the food is delicious. We went over a chapter of the book he is writing. I only had minor suggestions on this, but it was a great discussion.  When I got home, I felt very sleepy and fell asleep.  I slept from around 1:30 to 11 pm.  Then went to bed around 2am until 6 am.  I saw my Oncologist Dr. Tun before my chemotherapy. I told him about this and he said he has this reaction from Asian food that had MSG making him very sleepy.  He thinks the sauces have lots of MSG in it. When I have Asian food at night, I just think I'm normally tired. So for the last few weeks I slowed down dramatically intentionally.   Dr. Tun said my level on the MUGA scan was very good at 74%. The time before it was 60%.  He thought of stopping the Herceptin, but he said the cancer came back after he stopped it before. I told him I'd like to continue until symptoms were continuous. Then I'd be open to stopping it.   I thought my body was telling me to rest so I did a lot less the last three weeks. Now I will think about the food I eat to determine if there is a connection with MSG and sleeping. 

I am getting on my stationary bicycle for 10 minutes per day and will increase this in the near future. I am still juicing also, but now two to three times per week. 

Janet and I met at our old haunt, Mexicali's.  We are struck by the choices younger people make compared to what we would wear. We have had this waitress serve us quite a while. She was wearing heavy black frames on glasses she was wearing. If it were us, we would attempt to use contact lenses and if we needed glasses (I do), we would wear frames that would be less noticeable. However, she is so pretty, she could wear anything and look great.

Well, that is it, for the week.  I hope your week was a good one for you.  I'll see you next Sunday!
Rachel

Interactions with Artists on Google+

So I look at the posts on this art site on Google+.  I really am fascinated with people's styles and talent. So one person responded to what I said:  

Thank you, Rachel. Are you an artist also?

ME:  A beginner.  I have taken drawing and water color classes for almost two years. I didn't even have a clue to do anything before this. I wasn't even a kindergarten level then. So I'm excited about it all now. 

+Rachel Jerdin I don't know why I asked you that. I don't ask that and never have asked anyone else. There must have been a reason. This illustrates the very idea that art is not planned or known about before it appears. Just like my asking you about your art, I don't know you and did not plan to do that.

So, if you can take a tip from one who has been fooling around with art since 1963, interrupted by a number of other disciplines like computer programming and fighting authorities that don't obey their own law, you should stop taking classes immediately. I have never had a single class. That would have killed my own creativity by instilling ideas from some teacher. I am not an art teacher, because I cannot tell anyone how to paint or create. All I can do is tell them how NOT to do it.

The danger for you is copying others and then copying your own work. Each piece has to spring forth anew, not be a copy. Therefore, if you stop doing what you have been doing and just paint, let it all hang out, you will find your creativity invigorated by each work you complete. It gets in your blood and like a junkie you have to let the next one out.

Please take my words in the way I intended them, not to preach to you but only to give you the benefit of many years of art and other things have taught me. It is never to late to begin to be your own creative self.

ME:  I appreciate your comments. I'm not willing to part from my teacher yet!  I have found her to be soooo encouraging and supportive. Periodically she will stare open mouthed at what I do, seeming at shock at what I have done. She recognizes my style as very different from hers and doesn't push me into her style, so I'm okay with it so far. And believe me, what I could do May 2013 and I what I can do now are night and day. I'm not looking at your work to copy it. I'm fascinated with art. My step-mother (she's an artist) and I go to art museums when we get together. I look at people's work and try to figure out how they did what they did.  So thanks for sharing your art and thoughts about it. I really appreciate it!"

.......

There is another person, Mike Dunbar who is a fabulous photographer. He has a real knack with lighting. So far I have not seen anyone accomplish what he has done, especially with his Still Life. Just fantastic. And now he is branching out doing buildings and landscapes. So nice. Well I sounded like a broken record saying "Wow!  The lighting is spectacular!"  Then he suggested I read Joe McNally's book THE MOMENT IT CLICKS, who's work is about the lighting in photography. He is a magazine photographer. Great information. I finally noted on Mike Dunbar's site he has written "It's the lighting."  I'm so observant!

I have learned from looking at what they share and I really appreciate it. 

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I had another MUGA scan (it checks the pressure of blood being pumped through the heart) this week. The technician is one I had in the beginning and he noticed that I've had a lot of these tests. I told him it is easier to do all this since I retired. He asked what I do with my time and I told him I have had art classes in drawing and watercolor. In the end he said, "bring a couple of pieces next time you come, I'm interested."   So I will.  I keep hearing people say "I can't do that."  And I remember saying that. That is why I will show it. They can do it.  Whether they make a profession or hobby of it, it's okay. I think our brains develop better when including the arts. We deal with issues better,  it adds to our insight into what we and I think it might help in problem solving.  We need more of this!

I met with my friend Janet at our old haunt Mexicali's.   We talk about so much. It is our weekly catch-up. I think it is good for both of us. 

It my art class, a woman, Linda joined us.  She has been with us a few times before.  I showed my work to Carol who had given me good feedback on ways to improve it.  So I have redone it.  I know I have a ways to go, but I remind myself where I have been, and when compared to that, it is WOW!  So I think my drawing is a lot better.  When any of Carol's students doubt their improvement, she gets them to bring their earlier work, and that does it.  They stay with it.   I don't really care for the watercolor of the parrot, but I'm showing you it.  I also will do another painting of the parrot.  Next subject in class is to do a drawing and then a painting of an owl.

Drawing of Parrot by Rachel

Watercolor of Parrot by Rachel

Today, my friend Barbara and I are going to go see Ricki and the Flash.  Both of us like Meryl Streep.  Then we are going for Chinese food.  We like the Great Castle, so that is probably the place we will go.  I haven't seen her in maybe a month.  She has been in Utah part of the time at a conference doing research on family trees.  Her mother had done it for years and she has continued it.  I look forward to hearing how it went.

Another blogger, Doreen Tapper shares her thought one year after she was diagnosed about her fears and the value of her supporters. 

http://doreentapper.blogspot.com/2015/08/a-year-has-passed.html?m=1

So that is it for the week.  So hot these days (it's that time of year), it isn't pleasant to go outside.  So I'm doing things in the house.  I hope your week went well and I will see you next Sunday.

High School Classmates Found

This has been an even slower week, but I think I've really needed it. 

A few months ago, a high school friend Linda Hufano got ahold of me through Classmates.com. We had a wonderful talk and she gave me the phone number of another high school classmate Barbara Wessels.  Well, I called Barbara and we talked a long time. It was wonderful catching up. We are going to visit each other in the near future. I'll take a bus down to see her. These blasts from the past have all been so good.  There is another I hope to see and that is Toni Kimberling.  Linda is coordinating a date around Christmas for the four of us to meet.  I can't express well enough how excited I am about this!  I feel like a little kid and I want to jump up and down with excitement! These people were very important to me at that time, especially Barbara.  I spent a lot of time with her.  I don't know why we ended up just going our own ways.    So I went through our yearbook at copied some pictures, including one when I played in the dance band in high school.  We were called The Naturals.

Starting upper left is Linda, then Toni, then Barbara.
I'm at the bottom, and I look way too intellectual!

So I was in the Dance Band playing the Bass.  I loved it.  This is in my senior year 1967
I used to think I was fat!  That disturbs me, because I do seem to get bigger each year and
I wish that I didn't have that mentality about weight.  Such a bad place for girls and women to get into!
I was majoring in music through my junior year of college and then decided on Social Work.  I had
a lot of catching up so I did six years of undergraduate schooling to get my degree.

At my class with Carol the issues she pointed out in my pictures were to keep the lines going in the same direction and be aware of where the lines would reasonably come from and go- this was relating to the pistil and stamens in the flower.  So I did work on the drawing.  She also felt I needed more layers of color on my daylily. This week we are drawing a parrot. I did a parrot a long time ago so this is a different one.  I'm not ready to show it yet, but I will have the drawing done for class and next week, I should have the drawing and painting done of the Parrot.

This is my most recent attempt to do what Carol  recommended on the drawing of the daylily. 

My Drawing of a Daylily Corrected

More work on the painting of the Daylily.  It needs more layers both in the flower
and the black background.  I also need to remove the mask on the Pistil and Stamens.

Janet and I went to dinner Saturday night since she got back later from the coast where she was playing in a woman's golf tournament. This time we went to The Red Pepper on my side of town. They have excellent food. We were talking about it when we were at Mexicali's last week. They are very creative and do an excellent job with sea food.  Her trip went well - the weather was mild, she had a opportunity to spend a lot of time with a particular friend. I'm happy it went so well. I also shared with her making contact with a my high school friends.  I had scanned some pictures I found in our senior yearbook. I loved sharing this with Janet. 

All the females on the Jerdin side of the family have been texting each other to plan for the next Jerdin child to enter the family. My Granddaughter Crystal is going to have a girl. It is amazing all the details everyone is bringing up. The excitement is high.  They think they are doing it in October in a park because they think it will be a very large group.  This is very doable because weather is usually very mild at that time of year.  They had ideas of the cookies they really liked, but these ran $125 to $150 a dozen. We nixed that. Way too expensive. As my granddaughter Heather said "that is what I take home in a week for my part time job!  I didn't think we would need a budget just for the cookies!"  She will be my third great-grandchild and the first girl of this generation.

That is all I have to share today.  It was a break and gave me a chance to reminisce about people who were very important to me at another time.  I hope you have a good week.  I believe I am doing better.  Talk to you next Sunday.            Rachel

Getting Older but I Used to Draw at a Preschool Level

Tuesday was my birthday.  I am older now than my mother and husband were when they died.  I came off rather down in my last blog. I was feeling that this exhaustion might be more meaningful of end of life issues and felt overwhelmed at this thought.  Many friends who have medical training assured me I was not dying yet. I don’t usually feel so down.  I’m aware that this is going to happen, but I stay busy with family and friends and activities I really like.  So, it was strange to me getting this way.

………………

I found a paper that I had drawn on before starting my art class in September 2013.  I really had no sense of art and had not tried.  I took the class since I knew that I would not be able to return to work with my medical problems and I seemed to be around a lot of people who had artistic skills.  I felt strange when I was with them and did an art project as a group.  So getting back to this page (both sides), it is very primitive.  I did it for me because I was wondering if I would see a difference in what I did.  I showed my teacher at our last class and she said she recognized everything I drew.  She thought it was a great idea to save it.  She has had students who would get depressed feeling they had not improved in their art work.  She would have them look at earlier works of their drawing and it was obvious they had grown.  Her students would see this and relax about their growth.  So here are my drawings which don't even come to a kindergartener level.  Pretty bad!  But interesting to keep.  It is just a little over two years ago that I did this.  By the way, those are coffee stains on these papers.

Two  Daylilies

In my art class this week, I showed Carol my paintings.  She felt that they were not too bad.  I could crop them or do minor fixes to improve them.  Then we spent time working on drawing a Daylily.
The next class I will paint a Daylily.

So On my birthday I went with my friend Janet to a restaurant on the golf course she uses (Sundale) called La Foret.  This restaurant is open to the public.  I ordered a beef stroganoff.  It didn't taste the way I think of it, but it was good.  Janet got a chicken dish and gave me a taste.  Delish!

The day after my birthday I went with my friend Barbara to Chef's Choice Noodle Bar and then to see The Minions.  Good choice for lightweight entertainment.  I enjoyed it.  And, Noodle's is always good.

I was supposed to go to a birthday party for three of Billy's and Meagan's children, but I kept falling asleep.  I cancelled out and said that I would give the presents to Billy when he comes to put my stationary bicycle together which will be tomorrow.  It turned out to be way too heavy for me to handle.

My daughter Shelley and I went out for brunch at Anita's.  We get a chance to talk when we can have these outings.  Very nice.

So that is it for the week.  I hope your week goes well and I'll see you next Sunday.         Rachel

Periodical Struggles I Try to Deny

I met my friend Janet for a Margarita and a snack at Mexicali's.  She really pushed me saying I was not using the blood pressure cuff or the pulse oximeter because I was afraid of something.  I was irritated with her about doing this and asked that we not discuss it, but then I told her I was worried. I'm not ready to throw in the towel, but I get this sense that more things are going on.  She did not feel I was near death and felt that without checking those numbers regularly, I would have little to share with the doctor.  Her feeling was that it very likely could be an easy fix, but we haven't got to the problem area yet.  This actually was comforting to me. I have thought that when I hit the time of the dying process, I'll be okay about letting go.  This is the sense I got when seeing my mother, father and my husband Paul die. I also worked in hospice as a social worker.  When patients were this close to death, their concerns were about being pain free and seeing certain loved ones and perhaps letting go of emotional issues they might have with them. It is about comfort and I didn't think that was my issue yet.  Most of the time I feel just fine and then periodically, I feel very alone and somewhat frightened.  I feel better now.

....................................


Last Sunday, late afternoon, my daughter Shelley, her son Kevin and my friend Barbara came over to watch a movie, Interstellar, which we never saw.  It came out in 2014. Though it is long, we all thought it was a very good movie. My friend Barbara recommended The Martian which will be coming to theaters soon. That too tied in a lot of science, so both use science as the base of their stories. I finished the book The Martian this week and look forward to the movie. 

At my art class with Carol Bradshaw, we talked about how hollyhocks grow and practiced drawing them.  We also worked on mingling colors  as opposed to mixing and painting with the combined colors with the idea to make that the background when doing a watercolor of the hollyhocks.  Carol invited me to come to her home in the mountains because she knows of many places to take pictures for my art work.  I went up there yesterday morning and spent the day there. We went to see waterfalls. Since the drought, the waterfalls were very little or trickles, but I learned a lot about composition and about layers, what is in front of what. So fascinating.  Carol also showed me where she would set up to paint or draw, where the water runs. Some of it so obvious, but really I never thought about it. So I have to say, my eyes saw so much more than I have in the past. I loved Carol's home. She has different projects going everywhere. In addition to drawing and painting, she quilts, does needle point, sewing. So much more than that. Her home once was around 800 square feet and it is about 3,000 square feet with her doing the planning all the way. I was so impressed. And, on top of that she made a wonderful soup with no meat which was so flavorful. She will give a copy at our class on Tuesday. Her dog, Sofie is such a sweetie!  She introduces me to her as a Aunt Rachel. When she meets people this way, she sees them as okay.  Next time I go up to Carol's we will look for barns.

Hollyhock with Mingled colors in Background
Definitely requires a Redo

Hollyhock with with Bud
I did not understand mingling colors, so it is painted.

Hollyhocks in pencil

Sofie knows me as Aunt Rachel

Very small water fall, but at least you get the idea

Water low but looked and sounded nice going around rocks.

A Leaf Caught Up by the Current

My Teacher and Friend Carol

I have been homebound most of the week. I continue to tire out quickly and sleep long hours.  My friend Barbara suggested I get a stationary bicycle and use at least 20 minutes a day. So I ordered an inexpensive one. I'm too anxious to go walking on my own, though Barbara said she would go with me sometimes to walk at the indoor mall.  The bike came and I will set it up in front of the television today.  I  have a friend Mimi who exercises this way but when she was trying to sell me on doing this two or three years ago, it seemed so unappealing. But now I'd rather do this than end up with diabetes.  Also she had it in her guest room.  I find that unappealing.  I need to have my mind on something else to do it.

This is a blog by Doreen Tapper going through treatment for breast cancer. She started a blog called The Middle of the Journey.  She shares how writing a blog helps her.  I feel the same. Read her story below.   You might want to sign up to follow her.

http://doreentapper.blogspot.com/2015/07/the-3-things-i-learned-from-blogging.html

This woman shares her request to others not to offer platitudes (like "give it time"). Though many of these sayings are true, it absolutely does not help the person grieving. They will come to this in their own time, but you saying that tells them you don't want to hear. That is the problem. That is what we need. We need to talk and cry and we need your comfort, like a hug.  So this is what she shared. It really is universal-  we all go through this.

http://thegrieftoolbox.com/article/pleasenomorewords

This next week I have a lot planned (so what else is new Rachel?!)  I do love that until the exhaustion takes over. I'm hoping getting on the stationary bike helps with this!  I hope you have the week you want and I'll see you next Sunday.                         Rachel

   

Wall is Done; Why Am I So Exhausted?!

The block wall is up and everything is cleaned up. On Monday, they shoveled all the dirt in front of the block wall and put it behind.  They did a good job cleaning up including sweeping my patio. Though it was expensive, I see it is well done and they used lots of re bar to reinforce this retaining wall.  Now we don't have to worry about the wall falling down.  It has also been very hot which would have made this job much harder to do. They started very early, like 6:00 AM and stopped 1:00 to 2:00 PM.

The new block wall

That day was also the day I went in to get a Cortisol Stimulation Test.  I was there about two hours as they did injections into an IV and removing blood. The results came through the next day. My cortisol level was okay. But, the word came back with a Pre-diabetic diagnosis. I hope that is the issue, because it is in my hands to control this mainly by diet and exercise. I have been anxious about walking because I have fallen and I could fall again. But I think I'm going to have to do this.  I'll just watch my feet.  I've been checking if I could get into a Silver Sneakers program, but I don't think Kaiser does this.  They were closed to these sorts of questions on Friday, so I will call on Monday.

I showed Carol Bradshaw my painting of the sunflowers. She loved it and had a small suggestion which I incorporated. The assignment this week was to draw Hollyhocks. One of the things Carol does is work on getting us (me) to see whatever we are working on, what are the elements of the subject and what they do.  I appreciate that and have come to understand better what I am looking at. 

Our Red Hat group met at the local ice cream parlor which is called Dewars. This is an annual tradition. It is well known even beyond the borders of Kern County. There was a good showing of our group. We don't meet in August. I look forward to seeing them in September. 

So for Independence Day, I went with my daughter Shelley and several of her family plus Crystal and Devin, Jennifer's children.  Their father brought them.  Crystal and Heather came with their boyfriends.   We had hot dogs and side dishes of baked beans and potatoes.  There were three carloads of us and we went up to Lake Isabella which is in the mountains where they did a fireworks display over the lake. They started a little after 9:30 pm and it was over about 10 pm.  It was enjoyable evening for all of us who went.

Marvin, Crystal and Devin's dad took the picture.
We are at Shelley's home ready to head up to the mountain.

Shelley and Me
It was much darker than this, but I suppose the flash gave the
sense of it being more daylight than it was

Kevin and Shelley

The rest of the group sat mostly in the back of Marvin's pickup truck

This is such a terrible rendering of the scene we saw!
The fireworks were very colorful followed with loud booms.
There were a couple of small brush fires on the small island on
the lake where the fireworks were being lit, but they had it under control.

A little later this afternoon Shelley and other family members plus my friend Barbara are coming over to watch the movie Interstellar.  It came out last year, but for some reason Barbara and I missed it.  I watched it On Demand through U-Verse.  I thought it was a fabulous movie and decided to purchase it, because I knew I'd want to watch it again.  In addition to that my  friend read the book The Martian and the movie version of this is coming out soon.  From Barbara's description, it sounded along the lines of Interstellar so I downloaded it to Kindle in addition to Audible.com so I can listen to it and read it.  Anyway, that is a great story too, so I think I'll be buying the movie when it comes out.  It has a lot of science in it, like Interstellar, so I knew I'd like it.   We are going to have popcorn, iced tea or lemonade as our snacks during the movie.  

Still sleeping a lot.  I had dinner with my friend Janet who talked me into getting a blood pressure cuff and a pulse/oxymeter reader.  When she asks me what were the results, I kept forgetting when I felt knocked out, and when I felt okay, I didn't see the reason for checking.  Anyway, I'm going to have to start charting it.  She said, "how can they determine what is going on if you can't let them know when it happens and what are the results.  So this next week, I'll start charting this.

Another full week, despite sleeping a lot too.  I hope your week is going well.  I'll see you next Sunday!                   Rachel

And the Wall Came Tumbling Down

I thought my sleep issue would have been corrected with getting my blood pressure in normal range. But that was not the case. On Wednesday after lunch with a friend, I came home feeling overwhelmed with exhaustion and laid down to rest. I woke up at ten in the evening and was able to go back to sleep and sleep through the night. Ugh! Later in the week I went to Mexicali's in the evening with my friend Janet.  I suggested she call me about an hour before we meet in case I was asleep.  I didn't know if that would help because my daughter Ronda called me before heading for the airport to go to Sweden with her boyfriend for a week. They have friends they will stay with and who will take them sightseeing. But my point was, I never heard the phone ring when Ronda called.  I was awake when my friend Janet called.

Last Sunday I received a text message from a childhood friend, Zona who asked if we could get together and have dinner. She was on her way north to do a solo camping trip.  That was a good experience for her.  She got a hotel room here.  I went to pick her up at the hotel and we had Chinese food. We had lots of catching up to do. She said she would be passing through on Wednesday and might spend the night, but she became ill and headed home. 

While out to dinner, I got an email from Gary Hollingsead who was putting up a new retaining wall in my backyard. They wanted to start at 6:30 the next morning. I agreed.

They were prompt and knocked the bricks out one at a time. There were several men here so they moved quickly. They needed to cut some of the branches from the vine on the chain link fence above the block wall. It looked so raw and exposed with the block wall gone.  They asked to come the next day at 6:00 am. The idea was to get the most done during the coolest hours. It is very hot here. The soil in front of the chain link fence had fallen a lot more. It is obvious that it was not packed down when they initially put in the chain link fence to the private neighborhood above me. It was done in 1959, so who do you hold responsible?  My neighbors on my side of the street abutting this private community will face the same problem when they need to do this. My backyard is just a construction zone that I am trying to avoid looking at until it is done.

It looked so raw with the wall down!

The workman were fast in getting the wall up.

The block wall is up.
The clean up will happen tomorrow.

On the first day of the wall project,  I had lunch with my friend Jo at the Chef's Choice Noodle Bar. It was enjoyable. We are both in the Red Hat group. Jo is hard of hearing which interferes when talking much in a group. So it was pleasant to talk with just us two. When we parted company and I was heading to my car, I was approached by a reporter and photographer from Lifestyle Magazine. They asked me what did I like most of Kern County. Of course, there is a lot I like, but since we were downtown, I said I liked the downtown area especially for First Friday ( the first Friday of each month in the evenings) which focuses on the arts.  The art galleries, craft type stores and arts & craft tables outdoors with some musicians playing at street corners.  The restaurants in the area do very well that night and you need a reservation to get in.  I praised the push to raise money to be put toward making the downtown environment more appealing. 

The following day I had my "private" lesson with Carol (it is supposed to be a class with at least one other student). I showed her what I had done on the drawing of the sunflower. I only did the one I was going to paint. I asked how she would paint this picture, etc. so I watched as she did one of her own and asked tons of questions. It really was very helpful. I'm also glad that I can ask any question I want. It helped me to understand the process. Now it was my turn. I felt much more confident about what I would do. Though I'm getting private lessons when I don't pay a private rate, I really appreciate it and I would fully understand if she couldn't continue this. She did say she would tell me when she reached this point. Right now she schedules appointments on the same day when coming into town. She lives around Lake Isabella (about an hours drive into the mountains).

Sunflowers by Rachel

I had lunch with my buddy Victor. We used to work together. I mentioned that he is writing a book and that he wanted me to read it. We will get together once a month here in Bakersfield and he will bring sections of his book each time we meet for me to review by the next lunch. 

My son Jeff and his wife Stephanie had an open house where they live now and a graduation celebration for their daughter Cassadie (my first grandchild to graduate from college).  My grandchildren Crystal and Devin went with us.  The weather was balmy in the mid-seventies.  It was a wonderful break from the heat we have been experiencing at home.  With their front door open, there was a wonderful breeze wafting through the house.  Stephanie, who is a wonderful cook had lots of snacks that could be a meal for anyone who needed that.  She sure has a knack for putting together an event.  This home was built in the 1920's and very well maintained.  Very stylish but much of it not to current code like a window on the second floor going down to the floor where there could be a possibility of someone falling to the ground (I can assure you it wouldn't be me!  I stay away from open areas above the first floor).

Cassadie with her boyfriend Bogart-
They both just graduated from different Universities.

Meghan Jerdin, Jeff and Stephanie's youngest takes acting classes-
I have a feeling we will be seeing her on the big screen or television in the future!

Shelley, Crystal and Devin

Jeff with a jaunty step in front of their duplex (what a lovely home)

Cassadie with her Aunt Shelley

Well, another full week, despite sleeping for hours at a time!  More tests this next week to see if we can figure out what is going on with me.  I hope you had a good week and I will see you next Sunday.              Rachel