Eating and Drawing, Ways to Cope When It Seems So Much is Going On!

Monday night Barbara, Janet and I went to a concert sponsored by the Bakersfield Community Concert Association.  The group was Hits and Grins. They were country western wrote and sang their own songs.  They have written many songs for other musicians that were number one on the charts. They sang well and also played their instruments well.   It was a real pleasure!

Hits and Grins

Excellent Song Writers

Excellent Performers

At my class with Carol, she gave good feedback on my drawings so I'll be working on that this week.  I had the eyes of my cat Pepper different sizes and the pupils off.  I am working on the detail of a deer this week.  

I keep refining Barbara's Dog Patti                                  

My kitty Pepper- Still needs more work on the eyes

Drawing of a Deer.  How do you get the mass and the hair correct?

I went to Martha's home and then we went to the Helping One Woman group in Woodlake which is much closer to Martha's home. I appreciated that it didn't go as long as the one in Visalia. The woman honored this week was Jackie Rojas who is under doctor's care for Hepatitis C and Cirrhosis of the Liver which required a liver transplant in September. The dinner  was held at  the Woodlake Lion's Club.    The food was catered by Charros Mexican Restaurant. It was not Mexican food, but like a great home cooked meal.    The building that was used is being torn down and expanded.  So I don't know where this will be held until this is done.  I sat with my friends Martha and Susan plus a new friend I made, Gloria. We enjoyed talking.   

Jackie Rojas and her husband

Me with my friends Martha, Gloria and Susan

The next morning Susan, Martha and I met for breakfast at the Whistle Stop Cafe in Exeter.   They have a cute electrical train set that runs around the upper wall and over the ceiling of the restaurant. They don't leave it on, so if you want to see it move, you'll have to ask them to turn it on.  The food is good with a great variety of omelettes and other breakfast dishes.

Whistle Stop Cafe with the Train Track and Train

I met with Vic at Tofu House. My feedback on the book he is writing was just in making it flow better. I had a hard time describing this, but he finally got what I was trying to say.   I had a lettuce roll this time and it was delicious, and,  I had enough leftover for anther meal. 

So on my regular get together with Janet at Mexicali's, I told her that my right hip was really hurting these days for the last couple of weeks specifically. I have no idea of an event that could have started this. I told her that I would call to see a doctor about this. She thought since I got shots in my back, they may be able to do the same with my hip. Maybe. I will check into this. We both seemed to have memory issues; she said she would call me when she remembered what she wanted to say.  She thought it was a good point.  For myself, as soon as I remembered I sent her an email. This really stretches out our conversations. Then I told her I was feeling really cold with the change in temperature and it is hard for me to warm up unless I get under the covers. She laughed and said she had the same problem. Then she said, "do you remember how we would go into older people's homes that felt like sweat boxes?"  and likened  it to how we were like them now!  Maybe that is why some family limit their stay  here. Ha ha!

On Saturday, Barbara and I went to see the final movie The Hunger Games, Mockingjay, Part ll.  It didn't follow the book in all areas. Barbara has a great memory and told me where it veered.  I thought the last movie was okay, but I think the first movie of the series was the best. Afterwards we went to an Italian restaurant we like which is close to home-  Rosas.   I had leftovers from my dish of fettuccini and clams in olive oil and garlic. Our waiter suggested serving it with eggs at breakfast. It sounded odd at first to me, but I did add it to scrambled eggs and it was delicious. 

It may not seem like I took breaks, but I slept a lot between events.  I have to build up my energy reserves. Then I do well. I certainly do not have the energy I used to have. It is interesting how I realize I can't do things the same way I used to.  Someone asked a question on Quora.com about coming to terms with getting older. I think you have to go through through it. Perhaps we keep trying to do it like we used to do it, but our bodies scream NOOOO!  Well, if you want to enjoy life you may have to find new ways to do what you were doing or something you.

People here have expressed fear with what the terrorists did in Paris, even though the terrorists have been doing this in other areas too.  I refuse to stop my travels because of terrorist threats. I refuse to live my life in fear, which is what the terrorists want from us. I think my life has been so much fuller, richer because of my travels and meeting people in other cultures.  I have found other people's lifestyles very interesting and as human beings, there is much we have in common.  I believe the United States already has good protections set up for us developed since September 11.  I don't agree with refusing refugees. There are very intricate measures already taken to limit the bad guys coming in. We also have our own homegrown terrorists which have been given a leg up with the support of the NRA.  Why wouldn't we focus on that which has had a major effect on people feeling safe in our country?  It seems very contradictory to me.  Remember that Jewish people were turned away and many of them ended up  dying in Concentration Camps. Remember the Japanese Americans who's properties and businesses were stolen and they were placed in concentration camps in the United States. Most of these people were citizens of the United States and were American patriots. We have done this to Mexicans and other peoples south of the border. We are all immigrants or born of immigrants except for the American Indians.   We did not do this to the Germans which would imply those who look different from us are not worthy of our respect.   It looks like some people need to have someone to look down upon.  This is a land of immigrants.  This makes out country so much more interesting. I would not like us all to be alike. We benefit from the varied cultures in our country. 

Well, that is it for the week.  I hope your week went well.  I will see you next Sunday.  I just noticed that this is my 100th post!      Rachel

Drawing Animals is Very Relaxing

I showed Carol what I had done on my friends dogs and my cat.  She recommended more shading on both dogs to get the form better.  So that is what I have been working on.  I also have been working on the hair of my cat Pepper.  She is very distinctive with a mark that makes it look like she has a bowed upper lip.  She also likes to pose while my other cat Daisy is playful like a kitten.  Interesting how different they are.

Patti with more shading

Poopy with more shading and a different pose, needs more work!

My Cat Pepper

That day I left in the afternoon to my friend Martha's home.  Then we went to the Helping One Woman dinner in Visalia.  This time, the group was honoring Mary Beth Tippet who's son committed suicide.  The family had been aware from an early age that he was fighting mental illness, mainly in the form of depression.  Mary Beth tried so hard to make his life as normal as possible, and get him the help he needed, but that cannot always change what is going on.  She is devoting her time to getting teenagers in particular who are suffering from depression and other mental illnesses and/or stating they are suicidal the help they need, by talking about the suicide hotlines and outreach programs for them.  This is the write up they had about her family and their son Jayce.  They have a daughter who has a three year old son.  People can look very normal and also be quite popular and still suffer from this.  So, don't go by looks if someone is saying they really hurt.

Another Helping One Woman group was started in Woodlake.  This next month, we will be going there.  I don't know who is being honored yet, but I'll keep my eyes open.  I stopped by Susan's home on my way home.  She made French toast.  It was so yummy!   We hadn't seen each other in about three months.  I had posted on Facebook about planting some of the left overs of veggies you are cutting.  Well, she planted green onions and what she had growing were so big!  She cuts off pieces when she wants that in her cooking.  Anyway, actually seeing that someone had done that and it worked out so we was very encouraging!

My friend Janet and I went to Mexicali's Tuesday night.  The weather is a little cooler than it has been, but still fairly warm.  I have had the air conditioner off for a few days.  If the temperature is cool enough, I prefer just the outside air.

My friend Vic came Thursday.  We met at a Vietnamese restaurant called Saigon Restaurant.  The food was fresh and flavorful.  I love Asian food, but I recall Vic making dishes like this that he brought to work, so that is why we have been mainly doing Asian.  We are going to Tofu House again next month.  They are really very good.  So I read what Vic writes, and if I have a suggestion, I let him know.  His writing is very good and it is very readable.  I have no suggestions on the topic itself. It is about mental illness, how it was viewed in early times (B.C.) and up to now. I never knew this.  I am learning new information.  I find it fascinating.  I only find minor things to correct.  If I ever did find anything bigger, I of course would let him know, but I don't think I would be the one to find it.

I have been working on my blog to finish it early, because my daughter Shelley and I are going to visit family in Forest Falls, not far from Big Bear.  I think it may be about a year since I've seen Shannon, and I look forward to seeing her and her family.  Now her mother, Kerri, I haven't seen in a few years, though I'm not really sure how long.  I look forward to seeing her so much!

I found this on The Grief Box.  All of us have these issues at all ages, but I think it can be particularly rough on a teenager and then affect them later in life.  She was 17 years old.

http://thegrieftoolbox.com/article/what-losing-parent-young-age-really


 I also recall when I worked in hospice that some people said it was very difficult for them when they were children because people told them their loved one went to sleep. They ended up developing a fear of sleeping, thinking they would disappear.  I have found people, including children always do better when you tell the truth.  You may have to explain it in more basic terms to a child, but they always get it.

Last week I shared what the mudslides did to us in Kern County. A couple of days ago I found an aerial shot of I-5 at the Grapevine which shows how the mud moved over the freeway, both north and south.  Highway 58 really did get it worse, but this was a good picture, so I thought you might like to see it.

I-5 near the Grapevine

Here are two great pictures of Conner, my oldest great grandson.  He is looking less and less like a toddler, and more like a little boy.

Thank you for reading.  I hope you had a good week and that the next week goes as well for you.  I will see you next Sunday.             Rachel

Photographs, Art and Plants for the Soul

So Mike Dunbar showed this gorgeous picture that he took. I had said on another picture that it looked like a painting. It seemed that this was not acceptable to him then, and yet I thought it was beautiful. Now he does it again and this is gorgeous!  I said I didn't mean to insult him that it looked  like a painting, but there seemed to be something very sensual to what I was looking at. 

Then Mike said:   +Rachel Jerdin ERM, I didn't do anything! (Except go out walking at 5am, mad.) I just turned up and it was there.

ME:   I'm impressed you are out walking that early!  Most of the time I'm still sleeping!  So getting up early would be one thing necessary to get a shot like that!  You live in a beautiful area that is very green!  Now there are lovely places here too, not in the same way, but nature is sooo special. So your setting is really nice!  You must have a wonderful camera. It is more likely to capture what you are looking at. You have a special education with the photography, and, perhaps other subjects that adds to your repertoire of knowledge to draw on like Joe McNally.  And, in addition to that knowledge, You have excellent skills. So maybe it wasn't so obvious to you, but your sub-conscience knows and draws on that. Your personality would also be a factor in what you like. And, then there is luck and timing!  Lots of things go into this picture that you don't give yourself credit in finding and sharing it from your perspective!  I love your work and obviously many other people do too!  You need more exposure. I'm positive other people would love it too!  His commercial site is Mike Dunbar Commercial Photography-  mikedunbar.co.uk.  See his other work.  He is is Scotland, so he has some beautiful areas all around him.

So here is his gorgeous picture which is a photograph!

Gillahill Wood in Scotland by Mike Dunbar

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So at my art class with Carol Bradshaw we focused on doing feathers on a parrot and an owl. She talked about shading and getting more of this to fill in the contour of my drawing. She made a point (which she has told me multiple times- "you must get the hair going in the right direction, otherwise it isn't believable."  So the classmate I did have, Wayne, called Carol to find out when we were doing owls. I got excited because I thought he would be back.  He is so talented and I just enjoy him. Well, he didn't show up, but I am hoping he will return.  It makes for a better class because of our interaction.  I had drawn a feather Carol gave me as a model and did a pretty good job. I couldn't return them because my cats killed these feathers. I will work more on the parrot and I picked an owl walking very determinedly.  I did a chicken once with a similar pose.

Parrot was Redone

Owl Ready to Lift Off

I went to the Helping One Woman dinner honoring Debbie Cramlet She had a lot of family members and friends there. She is a very nurturing person to family, friends and community. She owned Deb's Deli in Hanford.   She was diagnosed with appendiceal cancer in 2011 and gets her treatment in Houston, Texas.   That is a long trip!  It went into remission, but came back this March.

Debbie with her daughter Brittany

I stay with Martha when I come here for the Helping One Woman dinner.  We went to a Mexican restaurant called Super Taco for breakfast in Woodlake.  They had a type of Quesadilla for breakfast.  It was okay, but I didn't think it was that great.  I took some of it home and when I heated it for a minute in the microwave, what a difference!  Now that was delicious.  I wonder if they just forgot to do this before giving it to me.  Then we checked out the botanical garden, Bravo Lake Botanical Garden.   started by a couple who live in this town.  Wow!  Now that was special. Most of the signage identifying the plants was torn down. They have to find a way to protect this area. You are allowed to taste the edible plants, but you are not allowed to take them out of the garden.   What a lovely walk that was!    The man, Manuel with his wife started this.  Manuel Jimenez was there so we were able to talk to him about this.  They have a dinner fundraiser in October.  He recommended coming in Spring when there is so much more blooming.  So they have very little money but they do have a fair amount of volunteers.

The Entrance

Martha Getting a Closeup

Martha Catching Up to Me

A Sunflower Going to Seed

Hanging Grapes over an Archway

Colorful Flowers (No sign!)

More Colorful Flowers (No Sign!)

Pumpkin and Gourds

Martha has a cactus plant called a Prickly Pear in her yard that produces a fruit. She had never tried it, but I did. It was mildly sweet and very juicy. The only problem I had is I got stickers in my lip and hands. Now I know where the name came from. It took several days for them to come out on their own.  I think I should wear heavy gloves next time and peal it with a vegetable peeler!

Prickly Cactus Pear

  The other thing Martha showed me was a watering system with clay pots buried in the soil up to the neck.  Her daughter gave it to her.  She had a group of flowers there which were thriving well. You pour the water in the top and depending on the time of year, you only need to water every five to ten days. I like this for vacation.  Here's the site if you are interested. I ordered several. 

GrowOya.com    Also, the original name for this is Olla.  So, if you want to do a search for it elsewhere,  feel free.

GrowOya.com

. 

My friend Vic and I met at a Korean restaurant in Bakersfield called Tofu House. It has much more than that and the food is delicious. We went over a chapter of the book he is writing. I only had minor suggestions on this, but it was a great discussion.  When I got home, I felt very sleepy and fell asleep.  I slept from around 1:30 to 11 pm.  Then went to bed around 2am until 6 am.  I saw my Oncologist Dr. Tun before my chemotherapy. I told him about this and he said he has this reaction from Asian food that had MSG making him very sleepy.  He thinks the sauces have lots of MSG in it. When I have Asian food at night, I just think I'm normally tired. So for the last few weeks I slowed down dramatically intentionally.   Dr. Tun said my level on the MUGA scan was very good at 74%. The time before it was 60%.  He thought of stopping the Herceptin, but he said the cancer came back after he stopped it before. I told him I'd like to continue until symptoms were continuous. Then I'd be open to stopping it.   I thought my body was telling me to rest so I did a lot less the last three weeks. Now I will think about the food I eat to determine if there is a connection with MSG and sleeping. 

I am getting on my stationary bicycle for 10 minutes per day and will increase this in the near future. I am still juicing also, but now two to three times per week. 

Janet and I met at our old haunt, Mexicali's.  We are struck by the choices younger people make compared to what we would wear. We have had this waitress serve us quite a while. She was wearing heavy black frames on glasses she was wearing. If it were us, we would attempt to use contact lenses and if we needed glasses (I do), we would wear frames that would be less noticeable. However, she is so pretty, she could wear anything and look great.

Well, that is it, for the week.  I hope your week was a good one for you.  I'll see you next Sunday!
Rachel

Do You Advocate for Yourself and Do Research or Get a Social Worker?

A classmate from high school, Linda made contact with me through a site called Classmates.  So it has been well over 40 years since we have seen each other. She has had contact with two others who were important to me also and we will try to get together for lunch in the near future. She asked me if I had to be my own advocate or do my own research on my own health care. The answer is yes. When I was very weak and felt so bad, this was a role that was almost impossible to play.

I thought we needed people we could contact that could help us during this time.  I had a problem having very bad hot flashes and I could no longer have hormones because it was a fuel that fed my cancer.  So I mentioned to my doctor then that I heard reports that certain antidepressants helped to control hot flashes. My doctor then said that if I could find an article published in a well known medical journal supporting this, he would agree to this. While searching on the Internet, I found an Ask-A-Nurse site and that nurse was able to give me a citation my doctor accepted.  I thought my doctor should have known this information.  I don't think I could have been the first woman going through this.  I  also ran into financial problems with my insurance and the hospital I went to had used a wrong code which caused my insurance to deny payment. The clerk in the billing department dealing with my bill was too casual in my mind. I ended up writing letters questioning how this was handled and the problem of expecting patients to take on this role. 

My point is when I feel fine,  I have no problem doing my own advocacy or research and since I have a vested interest in the information, I often times would do a much better job on this rather than someone else. But, when I do not feel well, this is more than I can handle. I do have a retired social worker friend, Linda, who in the last eight years has been a wonderful advocate for me.  She at times found this very frustrating, but did not give up. I appreciated her ability to not give up performing like a dog with a bone.  I feel social workers can be the best people to do this if they do medical social work.  Being your own social worker does not always work well.  You can be too close to the problem and emotions can get in the way. 

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My granddaughter Crystal texted me this week asking how I was saying she missed me.  I  asked if she would have lunch with me.  She agreed.  I had to run errands including picking up my glasses which were finally the correct prescription. We went to eat at Johnny Garlics which has a $10 lunch menu. Crystal is about two months pregnant and going through morning sickness, so it takes a while for her to get over her nausea. She has insurance through her father but they said since she was a dependent,  they do not cover OB/GYN. So odd!  I didn't think they could do that. I did know she needed to apply for Medi-Cal (like Medicaid in other states) for her baby was born. Her boyfriend is in the picture, but works part-time and goes to college and has no insurance.  

My Granddaughter Crystal at Johnny Garlics

I had dinner at a friend's home. Linda (I have several friends named Linda). She is a social worker. There were ten of us, several were social workers and two were attorneys. What a great group!  Linda and her husband Thomas made a fabulous Puerto Rican meal and we even played a type of guessing game called Taboo. So I brought up what my granddaughter is having to deal with in regard to her health insurance.  They stated it was illegal what the insurance company was doing. They suggested we call and speak to a supervisor and follow up with this by letter with a copy sent to the Insurance Commissioner of California.  So that will be the next step Crystal and I will take.  So helpful.

At this dinner, I met a couple, Jim and Kathleen Faulkner, both attorneys.  I really liked them. Kathleen and I really connected. She is active in a group called Writers of Kern. She writes poetry. She was urging me to write. I told her I did through my blog. She also urged me to join Writers of Kern.  I have been to this group once about a year ago. It was a good group.  I would like to do this. I worry about over-committing and not being able to keep this up.

So my class with Carol Bradshaw went well. I had some problems with the iris I drew. She gave some suggestions on correcting it.  I did work on it. She also showed how we would go about painting it  the variation in color in the flower is a wash.

My Iris in Pencil - Edited

My Iris in Watercolor

While I was at class, my friend Martha sent me a message she would see me at 5 pm. I had completely forgotten!  I panicked because I had a medical test the next day, but it was late enough not to be an issue.  I had several tasks to accomplish before going, but I did well and got to Martha's home at the regular time to go to the Helping One Woman's dinner. Good event and the woman, Anna Hernandez-Treviso, has a son with AML Leukemia who recently had a bone marrow transplant.  Though he is not out of the woods yet, it looks hopeful.   They had a silent auction and I bid on and got flower pots and a stand. They'll look good in my yard.  Had another wonderful breakfast at Susan's home the next morning before heading home. 

No word yet on the retaining wall in my back yard. Evidently, it is complicated; It was not meant to be a retaining wall. In the 1970's, the city (?) back filled the dirt against this wall when an area above us was put in after this neighborhood was done.  I'm so worried that the cost will be prohibitive.  He states he can tell me next week. He is waiting on the estimates by other people involved in this project. 

My friend Janet and I met twice this week once after another MUGA scan ( to check my heart) in preparation to seeing my oncologist next week. The other time was with Lisa and Charmaine at Sandrini's.  It is always good catching up, but I headed home to lie down and promptly fell asleep.  I think if I keep my meals down to salad and skip the drink, unless it is evening, I may be able to stay awake more.  

This is a lovely poem that describes life moving on:

Nothing that is can pause or stay;

The moon will wax, the moon will wane,

The mist and cloud will turn to rain,

The rain to mist and cloud again,

Tomorrow be today. 

 

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

It's kindness which matters. This is a touching video. We all have our stories. 

Empathy- The Human Connection......

Here is a lovely picture of Meagan, my granddaughter-in-law with both of her sons, my great-grandsons, Kason and Conner (just a year apart!).

Meagan with Kason and Conner

So this next week I will go in for another injection in my back. This ends up being a forced bed time because of the medications given during the procedure wipe me out.   We are also going to have my grandson Kevin's birthday here to put up a blow up slide with water running down it. I won't water before to use that time for watering the yard through this slide. I'll also situate myself or another adult on the wall side to keep the boys away from it. 

So as usual these days, another full week.  No regrets and very eventful. I hope your week went well and I should have a lot to share next week.   See you next Sunday.                 Rachel. 

Helping One Woman Dinner was a Total Success!

Wow!  I loved the Helping One Woman dinner at the Marriott In Visalia. It was for me and there were maybe 60 people there. I knew so many of them from different times I worked. Of my family my grandson Billy Lane (father of my great grandson Conner), Stephanie Jerdin my daughter-in-law and her daughter, my grand-daughter Meghan Jerdin were there.   The setting and the food were great. There were great vendors, women sharing their businesses with us. I gave a short talk about what I've learned going through this which ended up being good.  One comment many people said to me was that it was fun attaching faces to the names they had read in my blog.   There were many pictures and I selected a few of them.

Deanna (from Central Valley Life & Style with Deanna) and me

Martha Hense (who was there for me when Paul died
and lets me stay at he home when I'm in Visalia) and me

Mike and Marykay Feit (Mike helped me set up blog and
Marykay is a longtime friend and top notch artist) and me

Billy Lane (father of Conner) and my very good friend Barbara Long

Susan Ackermann Price (my friend who is so sweet and makes a t
errific breakfast)

My daughter-in-law Stephanie Jerdin and her daughter Meghan Jerdin
(who have so much going on and still took time to come up for this event - thank you!)

There was a woman there, Margie Van Veen Smith who puts together books (among other things) from the photos and write-ups you do on your computer. In the end, she puts it on good quality paper in a bound book which you can give to people. I'm thinking about this for family and close friends upon my death. She offers guidance along the way by phone.  Her site is www.cmyphotobook.com, her email address is mdutchgirl@hotmail.com or call her at 559-618-0555.  Of course, it isn't just for end of life, but that is why I'd be interested. 

As a result of talking at the Helping One Woman dinner I got an invitation to speak at a fundraiser on March 7 for Avon's fundraiser regarding breast cancer at the Lamp Liter Inn in Visalia  (3300 W. Mineral King) The cost for a lunch ticket is $25. There will also be auctions and drawings for some great items like a homemade quilt and a weekend getaway in the small town of Oakhurst (It is 14 miles south of the entrance to Yosemite National Park in the foothills).   If you are interested in a lunch ticket, call Carol Nava at 559-967-0914.  My daughter Shelley Schmitt will go with me.  Maybe I can talk a couple of girlfriends from Bakersfield to join us. 

Several of us went up to my room to continue talking. It was all wonderful. I got a suite so my friend Barbara Long and my grandson Billy Lane could be with me. Nice suite, but really too expensive for me.  It didn't used to be so expensive.  I would say even a single room almost doubled in price from what I used to be charged. 

The next day, we hit Main Street which was lots of fun. I had in mind particular stores I wanted to go to while visiting Visalia.  We went to Pacific Treasures and Gourmet - it has kitchen supplies and many other fun things - premium quality. Another place I really enjoyed was p.s. i love you too. What a great little store. Many things would be great gifts for weddings and various showers. But it is broader than that. You'll love it.  Say "Hi" to the owner Mary Beth, a lovely woman  No time to go to Brown's Shoe Fit Company. What I like about it is that my feet are wide, I have high arch and instep and thick ankles.   I have told people I have Platypus feet (not quite though).  I'm always looking for shoes that are sensible but also look good. I do well here. It is costly, but they have annual and semiannual sales. We also went to The Discovery Shop for The American Cancer Society. Now here the items are in very good shape and the prices are right.  There is also an excellent one in Bakersfield, actually a little larger.  Keep in mind that many of these stores are not open on Sunday or have limited hours.    Check ahead of time.    

My grandson Billy was a sweetheart. When I told him I didn't write a speech, he said "Speak from the heart grandma, speak from the heart," putting his fist to his heart.  He works a night shift and took it off so he could go with me for some "bonding time" as he described it and that is what it was. 

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So my art class with Carol Bradshaw started up again. Wayne and I are the regulars. While I did no watercolor painting since we last met,Wayne brought a beautiful painting of an old Japanese boat with nets and poles from the dock with mountains in the background. Now he did it from a picture, but I was so impressed with what he did. What talent!   I'm still working on my picture, another hot air balloon using different colors for red, blue and yellow..

I went to have chemo and I'm waiting to be called. This man comes up to me and hands me the sheet you give to the nurse. I look down at it and see his name on it. I say "This isn't mine."  He snatches it away. On the other side of the end table is his wife and in a very general sort of way, we look alike. That was a good laugh for all of us.   When I left after treatment I noted that it was very light in patients that day, which is usually not the case. My nurse said "shhhh!"  Yup. Like I've noticed. We've all gotten into magical thinking!  If only that really worked!

I read a book recommended by Carol Nava who is a vendor for Avon at the Helping One Woman dinner. Very funny and I identified  with a lot of it. It is Bald Sweaty Bitch With One Tit: A Memoir,  A Pink Ribbon Journey by Jane Kay Cisneros.   I downloaded it to my Kindle.  I recommend you read it if you haven't.  The more I read about others’ experiences, I'm struck by how universal a lot of our responses and feelings are. 

Yesterday I cooked up a pot of pinto beans after rinsing and soaking them for over a day.  I thought this would help in cutting down the gas.  It is really good that I live alone!  The beans are really tasty, so I think I just will spend more time alone on those days after eating.

Today Barbara and I are going to another Bakersfield Community Concert.  This one is Alex Depue with Miguel Dehoyes.  As I've said, all of the concerts have been great and a good deal for $80 for the season (8 performances).  If you bought them individually, they are $40 each.  This is the 5th one.  If you are interested in getting a season pass, let me know and I will give you the information to do this.

I want to correct an error from last week.  I told you about this wonderful Indian Restaurant in town.  I had the name wrong.  It is called Zaika Indian Cuisine.  They really are excellent and whether you eat meat or not, you will love the choices and the dishes they serve.  They also have a full bar.  Their address is 5123 Ming Avenue in Bakersfield.  If you want to make a reservation, call 661-836-0100  If you go to their web site you can see the whole menu.   www.zaikaindiancuisine.com.

This is a very good description of the feeling of grief from The Grief Toolbox by Bonnie Borel.  I always described it as a roller coaster with the ups and downs. This one is more complete. 

http://thegrieftoolbox.com/article/howdoesonedescribegrief

Here is something to consider when facing your fears. I did this. I have found the more I deal with fear, the less I'm overwhelmed by it. 

 

CONNER, my great grandson loves standing. He can walk when holding on to something. 

This has been a very busy week.  I'll be seeing my primary doctor this next week about some medical issues I've been having. I stalled seeing her in case this took some time to deal with.  I'll let you know how it goes.  Have a good week and I'll see you next Sunday!     Rachel

Preparing for Helping One Woman

So I have gotten some negative responses for writing a blog. Some have felt it was like hanging out your dirty laundry. Some people feel that talking about death and dying is something that leads to dying, like I am making it happen. There are many other reasons given of why it is a bad idea. 

Let me tell you why I think it is a good idea.  This has allowed me to sort through my feelings about all these problems I have gone through.  I have  worked on my anxiety about dying. What does this do?  It allows me to live my life as fully as I can now. I took care of financial, legal and medical forms so it is behind me. Then it has allowed me to talk with family and friends, because I need people to talk to.  Many of them have questions about where I'm at to satisfy curiosity and concerns they have.  It has also helped me with grieving over all those people I love who've died. 

When we are young, we have our parents to help us with concerns and questions about what we have to learn to grow. We have people who have gone through things we haven't gotten through yet.  They give us guidance.  Well, the same thing  happens later in life. We have experiences but probably don't have many who have gone before us who are able or willing to share. I'm willing to share. This is what we are all going to go through, but our American culture seems to hide death and dying. Once upon a time extended families lived in the same home and death was seen as a part of life.  We were around it. We talked about it.  We supported each other. 

When my friend Janet and I went to dinner this last week (this time at Macaroni Grill), I was sharing with her some of these thoughts, what I want to bring up at the Helping One Woman dinner this Tuesday.  I was sharing how I have been feeling better.  She didn't like that word because it makes it seem that I was doing badly in the beginning instead of experiencing normal grieving.   Her husband died, so she can relate to my feelings.  She didn't like the comparison of good and bad. I didn't see it quite the same way.  I feel calmer and I can talk about it now.  Then I was in pain, both mentally and physically when I lost Paul.  I'm not devastated thinking about him now, though I do miss him.  It is a process.  There is no way to speed this up and to avoid those feelings does not make it go away.  By the way, I can still get choked up at times talking about these people I have lost, but really, I am doing so much better.  I don't want to be wiped out all the time.  So I look at it as growing, working out my feelings.

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The concert last Sunday for the Bakersfield Community Concert Association was changed. The group that was to come disbanded. The group that played, George Kahn Jazz and Blues Revue, was a terrific group!  Perhaps the other group would have been wonderful, but this was no loss. It included three women jazz vocalists. They sang Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holliday, Etta Jones and The Andrew Sisters. The band itself was real quality. I used to play bass in a dance band in high school and college until I changed my major to Social Work. It brought back wonderful memories of when I played.  What a different like I had!

I got a call back from Kaiser Foundation informing me they resolved  the billing issue. I'm sure glad about that. It is really hard when you are dealing with health issues to also deal with financial issues. I think it would be good if there were people who could help us in dealing with this. Though I handled this okay, in the past I have fallen apart crying and feeling so overwhelmed I didn't feel I had a clue as to what to do. 

My granddaughter Kayla wanted her hair color touched up which was near The Westchester Bowling Alley. They make the best fish and chips in town. So we enjoyed talking. She was going to the prom with a girlfriend this weekend. 

I finished the first book of The Maze Runner. My granddaughter Kayla hasn't started yet. I want to read these books so we can talk about them. She had brought up the last time we went out after she saw Mockingjay that she heard this was going to happen to us. We discussed how stories are written in different ways to describe relationships in different ways. I was talking to my friend Barbara about it then. This is an allegory. The problem was how to explain this to her. Anyway, I would rather be around to talk about what she reads and sees so we can talk about it, than say no (not that it is my place to say yes or now).  Saying no does not stop people from what they are going to do and great talks can be had if we are more open.  I have friends who think this is a terrible movie to let kids see.  I'm just going to be there to discuss these movies and books.

My grandson Billy and his wife Meagan invited me to lunch along with her mother Dainette and two of their children Conner and Coco. It was so nice to see them that we will attempt to get together once a month. Billy and Meagan paid. I really appreciated that. 

Barbara and I found another Indian restaurant on the west side of town called Kaika on Ming Avenue.  Very good!  The food was outstanding.  They had a huge variety and we went with the vegetarian.  The ambiance was very pleasant.  Lovely setting and the music was perfect.  I know we will go back.

Great video!  What are your priorities?

https://www.facebook.com/yvonne.love.963/posts/10153012552240692

Daisy found a way to trap The Cat's Meow. But she figured out after a bit she could chase it if she got off it.

I love my kitties. Daisy likes to drape herself on me. Pepper is the poser. 

Daisy loves to drape herself over me!

                                                                      

Pepper will pose until I pet her!

Conner continues to grow. He is a big kid for his age.  

Conner has very long legs!

 

I will speak at the Helping One Woman's dinner.  I'm honored to be selected and will keep it to five minutes.  I've learned a lot through this journey and I know many people who come to the dinner have the same or similar experiences.  I just want to give voice to it.

My art class with Carol Bradshaw starts up again.  She has been off several weeks recovering from surgery.  I haven't been working on my art, so her coming back will get me in the groove.  I'll share what I work on.  We are doing watercolor now.  

So that is it for the week.  Next week is very full!  See you next Sunday!         Rachel

 

The Start of a New Year

So seeing everybody posting about the weather and the temperature where they live, maybe our weather was temperate, in a relative sort of way.

Kayla didn't get the books I got her at Christmas.  I found them in my trunk and let her know I had them. I suggested lunch at Loma Linda and while there, we decided to go to The Outlets at Tejon. We invited Devin, but he didn't have dry clothes to wear and was still in the shower when we went to pick him up.  We'll go another day when the weather is pleasant and will eat lunch there so Devin can join us then.    It had been raining all day and was in the high 30's to the low 40's.  Kayla wore a hoodie sweatshirt and refused to take an umbrella. I wore an oversized raincoat almost to my feet, heavy socks, a wool scarf, cap and umbrella - it shows you the difference in age. She looked cute, but was miserable. I looked substantial but was comfortably warm and dry. The rain stopped when we got back to Bakersfield. I don't know if there are any great deals at the outlets.   It was attractive, but we walked outside to go to each store. The cold rainy weather made an indoor mall seem much more appealing.  We saw a dusting of snow on the low foothills, but there was a traffic sign warning of snow on the summit. Since most of us Californians have little experience with driving in the snow, I was really glad we weren't going that way.

Shelley made me a beautiful picture (a stained glass look) for Christmas. It is beautiful. I put it on my back sliding door to the patio. I love it!   She used a black foam cutting it with an exacto knife and gluing the tissue paper on with rubber cement. 

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This picture was taken in the evening

This picture taken during the day

New Years Eve Day, I had chemo first thing in the morning. Afterwards,  I had Occupational Therapy. I bought a few snacks for the rest of the day and evening. I made myself an Irish Coffee. It seemed fitting with it being so cold, a low of 30 and a high of 45. I decided to read. I had gotten my granddaughter books she was interested in so I started The Maze Runner to understand what she was interested in. I settled into bed with layers of blankets, several pillows and my book. This is really appealing to me.   Lots of fireworks set off at midnight and/or maybe gunshots.   The gunshots are scary to me.   My kitties stayed on the bed and didn't get rattled from all the banging.  

I woke up New Years Day morning to Pepper cleaning one  spot on my scalp. When I thought she was about to remove skin I got up, made coffee and checked posts. As I looked down I realize my pajama top is on backwards. The back is at the front!  Who does this?!  It doesn't even feel right!  Then I remember a couple of months back ( so it isn't from eating), that my underwear felt sooo tight.  I'm thinking I have put on an incredible amount  of weight over night.  It turned out I was wearing my hipster underwear with one leg at the waist. No wonder it was too tight!  Ugh!  I know I've done things like this before, but I wonder if it is more often.  At least when I notice it, I know it isn't what should be!

So on New Years Day Barbara and I ate at the Kabob House on White Lane. They have many meat dishes, but we were wanting non-meat. We shared a plate of rice and grilled vegetables. We also got four appetizers -Dolmades, eggplant dip, hummus and cucumber with yoghurt and pita bread. It was more than enough though we both were quite hungry. They also had a Greek salad and another salad of tomatoes, cucumber and onion that we did not get. It was all DELICIOUS!  This is a Persian restaurant.  It was informal, tastier and healthier than any fast food by far. There is no alcohol. Don't let that stop you if you drink. Go to the bar at the Mexican restaurant next door afterwards or before. It was fabulous food. We didn't limit ourselves and it came to $25 for both of us. This was lunch. Dinner would be more expensive and the serving would be larger.   As we were leaving, we noted a new market called Fresh Foods International Marketplace.   It is a market that has some of the things that any market would have, but also foods that are not typical here.  Great bakery, fish and meat, fresh foods, frozen and canned of other nationalities.  Having traveled, I love this!  They have Turkish Delight!  You can find them on line at   www.freshfoodsmarkets.com    Here is the address, phone and hours.  The market was closed New Years Day.

4800 White Lane 
Bakersfield 
CA 93309 
Tel : (661) 836-8090
Store Hours : 7 Days a Week.9 am - 9 pm

We then went to The Maya and saw Wild. I loved it. Actually I was getting hysterical when our heroine was trying to put on her backpack which was really heavy. I could see me doing this.  It was hard to control laughing.  It finally broke through. I always think I need more than I do. My friend Barbara and I were laughing afterwards at the main character trying to light her stove and set up her tent. We had similar problems when we were camping. If language or sexual situations are a problem to see on the big screen, you may not like it.  She was responding to the loss of her mom and this three month hike was a coming to terms with the loss of her mom and thinking about what was important to her.  I don't think I would have been brave enough to do this hike as a woman alone (it's based on a true story).  But, I felt a connection because of her loss and coming to terms with it.  As Kate (my step-mom)  and I talked about it, unless someone has gone through this, they would not understand it the same way as actually going through it, though empathy goes a long way! 

I sent a text message to my brother-in-law Brian, my husband's brother, wishing him a happy birthday. He called back. It has been a long time since we spoke. So he will come for a weekend in February. I passed the word to local family. Maybe we'll do a barbecue.  I really look forward to seeing him. 

And, a young woman Ambure contacted me on Facebook. She wanted to know how we were related. I told her I was an in-law, married to her grandmother's brother. I gave her information on my memories of her grandmother and about my husband.  Brian said he would call her the next day. I let Shelley know so she could call Ambure also. 

Went to lunch with Barbara, Jacquie and her daughter Debra to Fresh Choice Noodle Bar. We all got different dishes and all of us loved what we got.  Then we saw Into The Woods. It was a good musical. Enjoyed it very much. I saw this musical done locally a few months ago at The Empty Space. That was very good too. 

I got a toy for my cats called Cat's Meow. This was the first day I had it up and they were quite curious about it.

Daisy and Pepper playing with the Cat's Meow

Though the holidays were fine, I'm glad they're over. I feel there is pressure to be happy. And though I really felt fine, I don't want the pressure.  What if I blow it?   I'm not sure what that would mean for me, but it is hard to know what people want and I also worry if it is enough.  Plus, I think it is too costly, though I do agree with giving books.  If we could just get together for a great meal and the company. That is what I like. 

Here is a  picture of my great-grandson Conner. He was just diagnosed with asthma. His parents were told this will be a life long issue for Conner.   This of course causes anxiety, but they have insurance and there is treatment available.

Conner has a great smile!

Barbara Long's mother died a year ago today.  I know anniversaries of the death of someone we love is painful.  The getting together with friends, lunch and movie helped yesterday.  I want her to know I'm thinking of her today.

That is it this week.  I'm reading about personal essays and sharing thoughts because I would like to do more of that and less of the diary.  Anyone have thoughts on this, I would appreciate it.  I will tell you that if I didn't do this as a blog, I would probably find excuses not to write.  I think the writing has been very helpful to me.  I would like to make it more helpful to you.  I'm also working on what I want to share at Helping One Woman on January 20th.  That will definitely be more about my thoughts about what I'm going through and what I have learned in going through this.  See you next Sunday.            Rachel