Contemplating and Reflecting, Getting Grounded

Billy, my grandson has gone back to school to get a better paying job to support his family. This is his first week at Bakersfield College. He stated he didn't care for school when he was younger, so this is a big change for him. I think he is finally ready and I expect he will do well because he is selecting this himself. 

Conner, Billy and Kason
In this picture, I can see their relative sizes much better

 

My granddaughter Crystal posted a picture of Nylah.  She is one month old now.  How time passes!

Nylah is one month old.  Her eyes
are open!

I was working further on the head of my horse.  I don't care for it, but I'm trying to get a sense of what I can do with what I have.  I have these 6 Derwent color pencils that can be used wet or dry.  So that is what I used on this picture.  Much better with just the pencil, at least in my hands.

While at chemotherapy, the social worker Robin dropped by. She asked me how the holidays went. I told her they are not the same as when Paul was alive, but I'm not upset like I used to be. It is just different now, but I think I've adjusted to it. When I had my hair cut, my hairdresser and I also had this discussion. His mother died of breast cancer when he was 20 and he had a hard time with grieving. He thinks age (as did Robin, my social worker) is a factor in being or not being so involved with the holidays. I think they are right. We all expressed relief when it was over, even if we enjoyed it. I feel like the pressure is off in feeling that we must be joyous and happy all the time.   I may feel happy, but I don't have to keep up the appearance of being upbeat, positive at all times.    We don't always feel so positive anyway.  I know I don't.

I feel so fortunate to have the family and friends I have.  They mean so much to me and they all have helped in their own way in my healing.  I think it is the openness of feelings.  We really do have a lot in common, but until we are willing to open up to each other, we may not know this.  That way we find out that we are not strange, (anymore than anyone else is).  

This was a week for contemplation, where I was and where I am going.  It was good, and necessary at times to stay grounded.  I expect my next blog will be reflecting on this.  I hope your week went well.  I felt mine did.  I will see you next Sunday.                                                    Rachel