Contemplating and Reflecting, Getting Grounded

Billy, my grandson has gone back to school to get a better paying job to support his family. This is his first week at Bakersfield College. He stated he didn't care for school when he was younger, so this is a big change for him. I think he is finally ready and I expect he will do well because he is selecting this himself. 

Conner, Billy and Kason
In this picture, I can see their relative sizes much better

 

My granddaughter Crystal posted a picture of Nylah.  She is one month old now.  How time passes!

Nylah is one month old.  Her eyes
are open!

I was working further on the head of my horse.  I don't care for it, but I'm trying to get a sense of what I can do with what I have.  I have these 6 Derwent color pencils that can be used wet or dry.  So that is what I used on this picture.  Much better with just the pencil, at least in my hands.

While at chemotherapy, the social worker Robin dropped by. She asked me how the holidays went. I told her they are not the same as when Paul was alive, but I'm not upset like I used to be. It is just different now, but I think I've adjusted to it. When I had my hair cut, my hairdresser and I also had this discussion. His mother died of breast cancer when he was 20 and he had a hard time with grieving. He thinks age (as did Robin, my social worker) is a factor in being or not being so involved with the holidays. I think they are right. We all expressed relief when it was over, even if we enjoyed it. I feel like the pressure is off in feeling that we must be joyous and happy all the time.   I may feel happy, but I don't have to keep up the appearance of being upbeat, positive at all times.    We don't always feel so positive anyway.  I know I don't.

I feel so fortunate to have the family and friends I have.  They mean so much to me and they all have helped in their own way in my healing.  I think it is the openness of feelings.  We really do have a lot in common, but until we are willing to open up to each other, we may not know this.  That way we find out that we are not strange, (anymore than anyone else is).  

This was a week for contemplation, where I was and where I am going.  It was good, and necessary at times to stay grounded.  I expect my next blog will be reflecting on this.  I hope your week went well.  I felt mine did.  I will see you next Sunday.                                                    Rachel  

Life Changes and Keeping Up

I was not getting how to do a wash in watercolor. I sit right next to Carol and she tells me "stop" (several times), and "you need to move faster".  Actually, I appreciate what she says and does. Watching her do it really helps for me to get the idea. She said the most important thing we needed to learn was to do a wash, whether flat or graded.  So one thing I am getting is the language of water color. I am practicing this and hope to have a better picture soon.  On my first try at doing a hot air balloon,  I didn't wet the paper; but I did that on the second try.  I also used a sienna for the red instead of the red I was supposed to on the first one.  I can't show you these pictures from my iPhone.  Previous pictures taken will come up,l but now ones I took today.  If anyone knows a way around this, I'd appreciate it.  Otherwise, if I don't have a pictures taken much earlier, it won't get on my blog.


I'm also doing a pumpkin, but had a problem with the area around the pumpkin making a "bloom" where there is separation in the paint as a result of the wetness in the paper not being even.  At least that is my understanding of it. 

My class with Nina Landgraff is also going well. It seems that several students dropped out. She had given us homework, but it isn't graded and she said  "who would I call if you didn't do your homework?"  It was a funny discussion.  I enjoy her.   We worked on perspective this week and next week we will work on proportions.  Then, that is the end of that class.  Boo hoo!  I've really enjoyed it.  Next term she wants to do a class something like Art Therapy.  I go to the Art for Healing program at Mercy Hospital and wonder if it would be different. I will sign up, because I am learning things.

I was not supposed to put any shading.  The assignment was to do it completely with lines.  She wanted the lighter lines to be further back and darker lines forward.  I am sitting in my arm chair with my leg propped on a box.

This one is with charcoal.  We were to blend row lines in the background to make it look further away..  Darker is generally closer.

Mt friend Janet wanted to go somewhere different for our dinner out this last week but she had no idea where.  We both agreed to explore and I found where I wanted to go.  It is called Kabob House and stated it was Persian food.  So now my iPhone downloads the address, etc. when I'm looking for it on my iPhone.  Anyway, we went to the area we thought it was and didn't see it.  I read the address again and I see E, so I'm thinking it is East White Lane.  That address was in the middle of no where.  Janet was a little anxious and I kept saying "It's an adventure".  We ended up on dirt roads and seeing signs "Private Property", "Keep Out!" "Do Not Trespass!".  We finally were in this one spot that we would have to go forward to turn around, but those types of signs were all over the place.  Very nerve wracking.  Janet says "you'll have to go forward to turn around there.  There is no place here."  Which was true.  These houses were very, very, very nice.  We had bad fantasies of drug trafficking, but we really didn't know.  It was just so weird to see places like this that most people would never consider moving to when seen from a distance.  So I finally agreed to call (I felt like I was imitating my husband Paul who loathed to call and get directions), and we found out it was where we started right next to a Starbucks.  Okay, so the food was good, really tasty and reasonable.  No alcoholic drinks.  So we had a great dinner there and then went to the Mexican restaurant two suites down and we each got a drink afterwards.  So where did the E come from?  That was my fault.  It was located in a strip mall and they were in Suite E.  Ugh!

I have six more sessions of occupational therapy.  I do notice an ability to move more, though it is still painful and I have a ways to go to have the range of my left hand. So I know it isn't going to be all better at the end of therapy, I will continue to do the work she has given me, plus just using my right hand more and more.  But I fear I'll somehow  break it because I'll lift something too heavy.  When I see my doctor, I'll ask him about this.

So Jennifer and I parted ways. Our lifestyles are just too different. She had also been staying a lot with her niece and also her daughter, so she has places to stay.  I like seeing my children and grandkids, but I need my own space.  I have no control over how things go and it doesn't fit my lifestyle. I'm sure Jennifer didn't find it appealing either. 

A note from one of my friends, Jody (a psychiatrist) regarding finding work with adequate pay was worth sharing.  So here it is:

"The kids should go to a trade school and become electricians, plumbers, gardeners; do something that cannot be outsourced to India.  That is what I tell everyone who hopes to still be employed 30 years from now.  India is doing work for the big USA law firms at $15 an hour while the USA firm is billing the client at  $400 an hour for that work; the USA currently has a glut of attorneys. 

If they want a degree,  go into nursing.  you might have to be a CNA  while you become a LVN and work as a LVN for a couple of years while waiting to be accepted to a RN program.  If you're a male you will be made an administrator so being afraid of the sight of blood is ok.

jody the sometimes practical one"

I'm hoping there will be equality in the work place in the not too distant future and my granddaughters can go for the administrative jobs too. There are positions for women, but discrimination still exists in the work place.  I certainly felt it and other women have shared the same experience.   I also think that a Physician's Assistant and Nurse Practitioner are very good jobs and can pay well.  I like Social Work, but that does require an advance degree and doesn't pay nearly as well as nursing.

I had lunch with my grandson Billy and his wife Meagan with my great grandson Conner in tow. Very alert and trying to talk. We ate at the Olive Garden. I had spaghetti.  Sauce was tasty but I would prefer my pasta al dente.  Too soft for my taste. I had a glass of Cabernet. I enjoyed meeting with them.  It has been a while for just getting together.  Well I was prepared to pay but Billy beat me to the bill and insisted on paying.  He said, "You've paid for me when I couldn't pay.  I appreciated it and I want to give back".  That was so nice!  I also found out he bought a used car that is running okay, so he has more freedom.  It looks good too and is around the age of my car.

The new family Meagan, Billy and Conner.
There is another on the way. but no details yet.  Meagan
came into the marriage with four adopted children from
her brother.  She is a great mom and will do well with Conner!

Three generations Grandma Rachel, Grandson Billy and
Great-Grandson Conner

What a cute cowboy!

Conner now sits up!

Billy misses family and friends in Texas where he grew up. They are looking to setting up a time to go to Texas. He has to get vacation time and enough money saved to get them there.   He is earning a little more money that this is a possibility. 

Today my daughter Shelley and I went out for brunch at Anita's on 178.  Great brunch and the setting is fine.  Anyway, Shelley and I don't get together very much and I really like seeing her.  Her son Kevin wanted to do a film for his class assignment due this next Friday.  He was getting together the facts and whatever else was needed to do the filming so he and Shelley would be doing the shoot today.  

My granddaughter Meghan has been doing roles in short films for a friend.  I get a kick out of seeing her and can see her moving to more involved roles in the entertainment industry.  She is just skilled that way.

A cancer patient has scheduled the date of her death. I can understand this. I'm not in her position yet. I feel that as long as I can live life the way I want to, I can continue. When I have pain as a result of my terminal illness or loss of function that I find humiliating to have others help, I could see me doing this. Here is the article:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/10/08/terminally-ill-brittany-maynard-29-has-scheduled-her-death-for-nov-1/

And watch the video with Brittany and her family talking about death with dignity and what she wanted before she died. Touching.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=866461156727691&id=146422995398181

Here is a list from Wimp.com of what people stated were their regrets when they were at the end of their lives. 

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=695162397242357&id=100002458087969

So the idea here is to live life the way you want, because when your time is up, there usually isn't much time or energy to make up for what you didn't get a chance to do. For me, I want to make memories for family, friends and me.  That is what is most important to me. 

That is it for the week.  You have a good week and I'll see you next Sunday.       Rachel

Tests and More Tests

I had several tests this week since I realized I could drive.  I had held off because I needed a driver before this.  I'm so glad to have them done. Of course I had my annual mammogram, a bone density exam and a MUGA scan (checks pressure of blood flowing through the heart).  When I went to my chemo session, they said the results of the MUGA scan were good and I could continue with chemo.  You might think of me as being negative because I'm not thinking the test will go well. But, my experience has been more negative in the past and I would like to be happily surprised rather than devastated by the results. I'm still waiting on the bone density test, but my doctor dealing with this and I have discussed the next step. I suppose that the results of this test could change the plan.  Our last discussion was going in two times a year for an RN to give me an injection  This is for building up bone density. We'll see.

My friend Martha invited me to a meeting she was going to in Bakersfield called Helping One Woman. They do this at a restaurant, pay a set price for the meal and put in at least $10 that is given to one woman in the group who is going through some sort of struggle. They had picked the one last month by a drawing. She then in turn drew the name put in by a woman in that meeting. I'm going to go to Visalia meeting next month and spend the night at Martha's home in the country.  They all seemed like very nice people.  I ended up talking to Martha and another woman on my other side Patricia who came from Buenos Aires, Argentina.  I somehow was telling her about Iguazu Falls and she has been there having lived in Buenos Aires.  Paul and I had a wonderful vacation there about ten years ago. 

My friend Annemarie did a colorful painting of the sun.  I am putting it up on my back patio, but I need the right hardware. On Friday, my friend Valerie put in the last two remotes of my fans which controls the speed of the fan and the brightness of the light of the fan. Now a visitor who spends the night will be able to control these from the bed. I love it in my room, so I know many who use it will appreciate it.  Next repair is replacement of the kitchen faucet and put up Annemarie's sun picture.  Annemarie's picture is done in acrylics.  I love her work!  Below is the picture. Next time you'll see it on my patio.

Now that I am feeling better,  I signed up for several of the classes from The Art Sampler Series. I would have liked the first one using pen and ink, but I had medical appointments. None of the instructors felt that a cast was going to interfere. Of course, it is not on my dominant arm.  Thank goodness!

House cleaning put off until today. Heather did a good job not only cleaning, but moving things around at my request. I spoke to Meaghan my granddaughter-in-law who does house cleaning and set up a regular schedule. I've really had a hard time sliding on it.

So below is a recent picture of Conner with his older brother Gavin, age four.  He is well and really growing!

That's it for this week.  See you next Sunday.      Rachel

Sore Arm and a Wedding

Meaghan and Billy had to change plans for their wedding. They brought it back to Bakersfield since Conner had been ill.  It was held in the yard of a lovely home using the maids quarters to get the food set up and for Meaghan, our bride to get ready. The weather was very cooperative. Meagan's grandmother Sherran Toy was the minister and did a fabulous job. The grounds were gorgeous. I kept feeling I had been here before, but that there were more trees when I'd been there before.  Yep, this was where Karen and Tom Peltier used to live. My husband and I along with four other couples used to get together monthly at each other's homes for dinner and red wine. I have fond memories of that.  Meaghan was a beautiful bride, Billy so handsome!  The food was excellent. The decorations were very nice. It was just a lovely wedding and will now be wonderful memories.

Flower Girls Alyssa, MeLeigha and Constance (Coco) Meaghan, Sherran, Billy and Ian

Meaghan and Billy with Sherran

Meaghan and Billy

Conner and Meaghan's sister

Flower Girls, Bible Bearer and Minister/Grandmother

Ian (Meaghan's Brother) and Meaghan

Ronda and Billy

Rachel and Billy

Rachel and Billy

Billy and Gavin Payne

Beautiful Table

They each poured sand in here showing how they will work together

Last weekend my phone kept ringing with the same number.  I finally answered and this man was saying they were picking up malware on my computer stopping all my Windows programs. They said I had to take care of it immediately and that there were 12 computers using my internet. I couldn't understand how this could be but finally got frightened enough to agree to fix it. Yes I fell for all this and can't believe I could be sooooo naive.  I am on pain pills. Maybe that was part of it.  So I stupidly agreed to pay $600 for a lifetime of caring for my computer and gave them remote access. This was for all my items with computer access. First computer supposedly done. Go to second computer and the monitor goes black. I can't figure what is going on and I said I needed to get my son-in-law over here because I really was not understanding and he could talk to them. Then I started feeling pushed when I couldn't reach Michael and told them I'd call them the next day and I hung up. My cousin Steve calls and I tell him I'm too upset to talk because of what I think is computer fraud and I fell for it. Now I'm crying. He said call credit card company and call him back. My crying got worse with all this. I felt vulnerable and really stupid. The bank lady said take a deep breath, then we'll talk. She transferred me to the fraud dept.  I said I disputed the charges and told them what I did. They reversed this bill, canceled my credit card and told me what to expect. This was all a relief but not the end of the problem.  I took the computer to The Geek Squad (as my cousin Steve recommended) and they found several viruses on both computers and cleaned it all up. Then I changed my passwords. My daughter threatened this internet place when they called today. Hopefully they won't call back.  Ronda hooked my computers back up. It did turn out that one of my monitors did go out which I'll deal with next.

My friend Valerie came to take me to my art class this and then to The Geek Squad.  I had not worked on any art, though, one day I attempted to start. We worked on doing a fence.  I really can't do much work because my cast is in the way. I did get my friend Barbara Long to come over and glue non-skid rubber to the back of one mat and on the back of a 12 inch ruler.  I got my pine cone back framed.  It is amazing how much better everything looks framed.  While there Toni Lott framed two other pictures. What a great job and reasonably priced!  Val and I went across the street to Mama Roomba for lunch (I just love this place!).

My friend Janet took me for a follow-up visit with the surgeon Dr. Wong. My appointment was at 4 pm. Got there about 3:45. We did't get called back until after 6 pm.  Questions I asked were can I go visit my brother in Connecticut in September (yes). When can I drive (when I'm not on narcotics).  Can I get physical therapy to work on balance (sounds like a good Idea).  Found out a fellow doctor friend of theirs lost his wife to breast cancer and they took a day off for the funeral and a child set off the fire alarm that day forcing everyone out of the building for about a half hour. I missed my Red Hat ice cream social at Dewars.

I got a cast above the elbow. Though Janet and I thought it looked horrible (there was a green drainage),  Dr. Wong assured us it was okay. No smell. It was very sore and I was glad to get back into a cast to support it. We went to Mexicali's by 7:30 for dinner and a weak margarita.  I think we both felt our heads would fall in the food.  When Janet got me home, I crawled in bed and was out like a light. 

Independence Day celebration was at my home. I was expecting fireworks display at Bakersfield College, but one of my friends Evelyn Elliott told me it was canceled. They are doing construction, so that was the reason. Billy picked up a box of fireworks. Dainette (Meaghan's mom) Meaghan, Billy with five children (including Conner), 5 years and younger, Shelley with Kevin, Jennifer with Kayla and Devin, Ronda and me made up the group.  Shelley and Ronda took care of the food, Billy barbecued. There was a nice breeze which made the heat more tolerable.  It all turned out very well and when everyone left, I fell asleep instantly.  I just seem to max out, and that's it.

Jennifer, Shelley and Coco

Alyssa, Meleigha and Gavin

Meaghan

Billy

Cousins Devin and Kevin

Shelley, Jennifer with Coco and Kayla

Conner at 12 weeks

Dainette

Ronda and Conner

Rachel, Coco, Meaghan with Conner

So I was watching this wonderful documentary that I recorded on PBS.  This young man had this job as a documentarian. He traveled over the world. He one day couldn't get up from sitting on the sand and others had to help him get up. So this is his documentary about finding out he has MS and how he takes as much control of his life despite the continued decline from the disease.  Very touching. It is universal.  It was shown on POV (stands for point of view on June 24, 2014. The title is "When I Walk".  Look for it.

Here is a wonderful article about why you should ask a physicist to speak at you funeral. I spoke with my physicist friend Michael Feit. He has agreed to do this.  I think I have brought this up earlier, but if you haven't seen it, check it out.




Ask a Physicist to Speak at Your Funeral


I have really had an achy week. Last night was particularly rough and I'm not doing the work!  Ronda has helped me a lot while she has been here. I've been very short and snippy with her and I apologize for this. She says "Oh, mom, don't worry about it. I'm not taking it personally. I know you don't feel good". I'm appreciative she understands. I am so appreciative of family and friends who have tolerated me and been so helpful.  I really think this would be a "no go" without the support I have gotten. What's difference it makes.

I have a friend who made an interesting comment saying she liked her boring life and would find this overwhelming.  Actually I agree with her. It might make it an interesting story, but the stress of it is really too much. I would have scheduled the wedding for a much later date and I think I would have rescheduled Independence Day to October first. I was glad that the wedding was not at my home and I was glad I was not the photographer.  Billy said they realized right away that they had to change plans. I'm so appreciative I didn't have to bring it up though I understand that I also have to get much better at saying "no".

Tomorrow, Monday,  Ronda returns home (Illinois). Billy, Meaghan and Conner will join us for breakfast at Cindy's.  This was a good visit despite the pain and I was glad it all happened. Now is time to put the emphasis on healing as my teacher Carol Bradshaw states. 

The Bakersfield Art Association is offering a variety of one day classes for $35 each in a variety of media. Check out what they are offering below and if you live in Kern County in California consider. This includes the supplies. You need to pre-register because they need to make sure they have enough supplies. Having taken classes since September and meeting many of these very talented artists, I believe you would enjoy this. It is a way to try your hand in a particular art medium without committing a lot of resources to find out if it is for you. Then, if it is, you'll have an idea of what it involves. I will be signing up for as many I can. Perhaps I'll see you there!


ART SAMPLER SERIES at the BAA Art Center
With Bates, Bradshaw,  Lott, Mathie, Neil, and Oliver

Many people who think about taking art classes aren’t sure what they want to take.  This is your chance to find out with this special series of classes….take one or all of them!  Do you want to draw/paint/ watercolor/oil/acrylic/oil pastel or something completely different like mosaics?

Come and play around and just have fun with the possibilities!

All classes are held at the BAA Art Center, at 1817 Eye Street. Cost of the classes is: $35.00 each, and include all materials needed for the class.  Pre-registration is required because of the materials.  Please contact the class instructor.

Pen and Ink: “Playing with Pen and Ink” with Jim Bates, This class  will explore different methods of using permanent ink pens in drawing and inking in your art work.  Examples will be cross hatching, stippling, scribbling, small/large lines etc.  We will ink the same subject using only one of the methods per drawing.  Class is Thursday, July 31st from 1-4 pm. For additional information or to register contact:  Jim Bates at 6612-871-7640 or jab888’s@gmail.com

Drawing: “What You Can Do with a Pencil!!”  with Carol Bradshaw  Experiment with all of the different marks you can make with a pencil and find out what the different kinds of drawings you can do!  Drawing can be done with pencil, colored pencil, pen and ink, charcoal, crayon, pastel , etc. Class is Thursday, July 24th from 1-4 pm.  For additional information or to register contact:    Carol Bradshaw at 760-376-6604 or bradshawartist@earthlink.net

Watercolor: “Splash and Play”  with Norma Neil In this class students will learn basic wash techniques and play with techniques that add sparkle, texture, mood and personality to the painting. Students will end with an 11x14 watercolor suitable for framing.
Class is Thursday, August 7th from 1-4 pm, For additional information or to register contact:    Norma Neil at 661-283-1376 or nneil2@att.net

Oil Pastel: “Drawing and Painting with Oil Pastel”  This inexpensive and versatile medium can be used for drawing or painting. It works like soft pastel, without the dust, but can be blended with other mediums such as oil, acrylic and watercolor paints Oil pastel is a fun medium that can be used for expressively for drawing or for completing rich finished paintings.  Class is Thursday, August 14th from 1-4 pm. For additional information or to register contact:  Phyllis Oliver at: Phone 661-348-4717 or pegoliver@ix.netcom.com

Acrylic: “ Acrylics are Easy!: with Toni Lott, This class is just pure fun playing around with acrylics.  It is a very forgiving medium- you can paint over your mistakes! You will be surprised at what you can do! Class is Thursday, August 21st, from 1-4 pm.  For additional information or to register contact:  Toni Lott at 661-205-3488 or tlframer@gmail.com

Mosaics: “Mosaic Brief”  with Leslie Mathie,  Come and try out mosaics and all of the fun that can be achieved with them.  This is a chance to do a” hands on” project.  Class is Saturday, August 9th from 9-12 pm. For additional information or to register contact:  Leslie Mathie at 510-914-6897 or leslie@mathiemosaic.net




Thank you for reading and I'll see you next week.        Rachel