First Blog, an introduction

Why do I want to do a blog?  Well, I'm going through a lot and I think that writing about it will help me.  But, I also think other people would benefit by it.  I have had cancer for 14 years and I have just started the 4th bout of it coming back.  Not only do I think people who are going through this would be interested, but I think people who care about people who are going through this and don't have a clue as to what to say and what to do might get something out of this.

I was a social worker and most of it was in health care.  One area I worked in got me very close and personal was in Hospice care.  This is care that provides comfort measures, the medications, the equipment and the staff to let families and patients know what was going on and that can allow people to die in the comfort of their own home if they desire.  I loved this work.  The staff and our supervisor were fabulous.  I still keep contact with my supervisor who was an RN.  She is very special to me.

I have to say I was overwhelmed with what was going on and I cried a lot for myself.  On the second bout, my husband died of cancer and I was really torn apart.  Do I cry for him or for me?  I felt incredibly selfish.  My breast cancer was estrogen receptor positive.  It was a stage II when first diagnosed and when my husband died, it was a stage IV, metastasized, stage IV.  Ugh!  I was told they would just keep me comfortable.  I would lie down and think "this is it", but then I wouldn't die.  It had moved to my neck and some in my chest wall.  I got radiation and it worked.  It did start moving another direction and when I told the radiologist, he agreed and I had more radiation.

By the second bout of cancer I was working in a prison.  It was fascinating, to see men who could be so big and yet so out of control.  I mainly worked on the psychiatric unit in the hospital.  There was a psychologist then who said I had to find a way to take control of my life.  It was the loss of control that was the biggest problem.  So I started looking.  I noticed there were some articles about diet and cancer and needing something to focus on, I did that.  It lead me to The China Study which I thought was fantastic.  I feel this country needs to make a change in how it sees food or we are going to go downhill even more.  So I focused on that and I do believe I've been around longer partly because of the changes in my diet.  Actually, I think all people should be doing this, the younger the better.

My third time was in 2011.  There was a tumor above where my left breast had been.  It was a lymph node.  When they ran tests on the tumor they found that it was not only estrogen receptor positive but also HER2 positive, another hormone which would allow me to take Herceptin, a drug found to be particularly effective on this type of cancer.  There was a chance that I was going to lick this thing, but not a chance.  It came back.  I had surgery this week and we will talk about any possible treatment on February 27.

I married late in life, because until Paul came along, there was no one I wanted to marry, so I didn't marry until I was 54.  We had been together for years, and I would have wanted to marry, but he panicked at the thought.  Finally he did ask me to marry him and we married in Thailand on one of our trips.  Paul and I traveled a lot.  We went to many countries in Europe, Russia, Thailand, Macau, Rome, Greece, Kenya, South Africa, Australia, Canada, Mexico and Argentina.  There were many other countries, but you can see, we got around and loved every minute of it, even when things weren't the greatest.  We looked upon everything as an adventure and it was.

Paul came into our relationship with five children who are now grown and have their own children.  I'm received differently by each of them.  I can handle that.  My closest relationship is with my oldest step-daughter.  She has really been there and is a wonderful support.  I also adopted my daughter as a single parent when she was 10 and I was 31.  She had a tough life which ended up being tough for me too.  She is now in Illinois and is carrying on in a way that is okay for her.  My daughter's son lives here and I see him some.  I'm sure he would like to spend more time with me, but I can handle only so much.  He is going to become a father, so that will make me a great grandmother perhaps in April.

Before I went into social work, I majored in music.  I loved it, but dropped out at the end of my junior year because of how I saw I was treated.  I played the bass.  There were many jokes about me playing bass that I finally reached a point I could hardly stand it.  Plus I was told I could become an elementary school teacher and perhaps I would get a chance to use my music there.  That had not been my plan.

So what do I do now?  I retired.  I had multiple things going on and it just became too much.  I started an art class locally and my art teacher is Carol Bradshaw who is a wonderful botanical artist and I can't tell you how fortunate I am to have her as a teacher.  I also signed up for a 5 week class at the Levin Institute because the price was right and there is a wonderful program in town called Art for Healing done at Mercy Hospital.  It doesn't matter if you are a particular religion or no religion.  All activities are to help you relax and focus.  They have different groups in art, singing, writing, acting, etc.  If new ideas come up that can be used, they will do it.  Sister Sherry Dolan is the head of this and she is fabulous.  Another thing I do is go to parks and do my art.  It is a wonderful outdoor setting.   I also fixed my back patio to make it my healing space.  I bought a fountain which looked ridiculous with nothing around it so I put some plastic cypress trees, and dried plants that had aromatic  leaves.  In addition I downloaded sounds of nature that would go on for an hour and put it on a Nano iPod just for what I want on the patio with a small speaker hidden in the trees which makes it all seem real transporting me to the place I want to me.  I have one beautiful chime that sounds great.  I can do my art there, read, have coffee or drink my wine.  I have an outdoor table for eating and I finally got a heater to make the space inviting when it is cold.  I love it.

I move a lot slower than when I was working and I'm glad to be doing that. 

I have a friend Sarah Seifert who is a psychologist and blogs about her family.  She has two young daughters.  One has autism and the other has schizophrenia.  I was watching her blog that made me feel I should do one.  She suggested that the first blog be about my surgery and said "Yes!"  But nothing exciting happened, so everything went smoothly with no issues.  I will tell you though that the previous time I was there with my daughter Shelley, a doctor came in after the IV was started and started to talk about my rectum.  We both looked at him blankly and said "wrong patient". 

My plan is to do this weekly on Sunday nights.   Feel free to ask me questions, I'll try to answer.  I also could get emotional sometime, so don't hold me to being a strong woman.  I do swear, but I'll try to control that.  See you next time.     Rachel