The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

I had this great idea that I was going to save myself a lot of money by fixing the leaking shower faucet.  I kept watching different videos about how to do it and thought "I can do that."  So it's good I looked at several of them because the first two did not say anything about turning off the water to the house.  I found it and turned it off.  It talked about an Allen wrench.  I've heard the term, but I didn't know what it was.  Looked it up on the Internet and realized that I have used one (though I know there are different sizes) for some things you have to put together.  I worked all day having to return to Home Depot three times to get something to help with the next step.  The handle would not come off even though I unscrewed it. There is a handle puller you can buy.  I bought it and it worked.  Anyway, I got down to the valve stem and could not get that out at all.  There was absolutely no movement.  I sprayed it with something that loosens bolts, tried several times then gave up. I was having dinner with my friend Janet Seinturier at a place where we love the Margaritas.  I cleaned up as best I could with no water, then got in my car to go.  I'm able to open my garage door with the electronic opener in my car.  I pull out and press the button and the light flashes off and on.  It has done this many other times and there is nothing in the way so I decide I have to go in the house and close the garage door from another place and go out the front door.  Well, I was on automatic, and drove back into the garage, used the button on the wall to close the door and then went to the front door.  I looked out and my car isn't there...... I'm thinking "Crap!  They are fast"!  Then I look down and I see I have the keys in my hand and I think they can't take the car without the keys.  I go back and look in the garage and there is my car, just where I put it.  I kept thinking if anyone was watching me, they would be sure I was nuts.

I had a wonderful dinner as always with my friend.   I told her about a video that I thought would be helpful. I had put in woman doing plumbing and something came up.  It was a young woman in short shorts wearing a bikini top who had a breast enhancement (when she laid down on her back to get under the sink, they were up there and perky).  Not how a natural woman would be.  The background voice of a woman was sultry with I guess sexy music.  Anyway, that is not what I wanted.  I wanted to see if a woman would handle the job a little differently from a man or found ways to deal with using brute force which I don't have at all. My girlfriend was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes.

The next morning I attempted to loosen the valve and it was just like the previous night, so I go back to Home Depot.  I ask a woman who works there what do plumbers use to loosen valves?  She asked this man who had his son with him if he understood plumbing issues and asked him was there something special? Nothing more than I knew about.  They offer to look at it for free and if I decided to use them, settle on a fee.  Well I'm desperate at this point and I said "I'll hire you".  I gave them my address and they met me there a half hour later.  They sprayed the valves again and then they just turned it.  I wanted to yell "NOT FAIR"! Then we went back to Home Depot for the valves and I decided if I was going to do this, I'd get new handles and a shower head.  This took a while as we are figuring the length with the screw.  We go back to my house and it turns out the shower head I picked won't work.  He tells me what to get, but now he has to leave.  That was okay because I was already late for my art class.

Again, I feel I didn't spend enough time on my art, but I showed her what I did.  She loved my eggs in the nest and thought I should be using the best paper and then frame it.  My fellow student Wayne also liked it. Fascinating.  Because I really can't tell what they are seeing that is so good.  Not that I think it is bad, but they REALLY liked it.  The next project is a bird house because of angles of a square, triangle of the roof, circles from the openings and cylinders with the pegs for birds to sit on.  She also wanted us to take pictures of what we have so we can refer back to them, and if it is large, we can see more detail.  So she suggested first light in the morning.  I told her I had gotten used to sleeping in and didn't know if I could do this.  She said "make your coffee, set up your birdhouse and nest getting the light over your right shoulder (I'm left handed) then go back to sleep."   So I set my alarm for 5:45 with the complete intention of doing this. I wake up after 8 a.m. and wonder how I could have slept through "It's a Hard Days Night."   I had put p.m. instead of a.m.  I did it again the next day.

Ball with Braided Twine

Robin Eggs in Basket

I had gone to Lowe's to get a different shower head and came back to put it on.  My plumber had put the tape on it and all I had to do was screw it on.  Okay, I did that, but it really was very tough for me and water was squirting all over the place on the sides of this.  I tried it two more times and I've given up.  I'm calling the plumber to make a stop here to put it up for me.

On Saturday I did wake at 5:45 a.m. to put on the coffee and get my picture outside.  I couldn't find the bird house.  I wondered if I dropped it some how when I came home from class.  It rained the previous night and the sky was overcast.  So I decide I'd have to go out and get another birdhouse, but when I went in the garage, there is the birdhouse on the dryer.  I'm sure you are assuming that I would obviously see it.  No. The dryer has things on top of it going from outside to inside or inside to outside.  I really need to toss a lot of it and just put the stuff where it belongs.  Ugh!  I tried it on Sunday morning.  I could have gotten up at 7:00 a.m. because the light was very diffused until the sun was showing over the trees. I'm not putting in Saint Francis of Assisi yet because I have some things to learn before doing this.  I'm ignoring the table. Who would have thought this would stretch out so long?

This drawing is the first done in the house
I will work further on this.

I have been collecting change for two years.  I ordered a change sorter that will put it in the papers and believe it or not the post office delivered it on Easter Sunday.  That was so odd.  I wouldn't  have expected that.  Anyway I got my three grandchildren who were over into the game of sorting all the change for me.  I gave them each a roll of quarters for their efforts.  I finally took the change to my bank on Saturday morning and they informed me that it is sent out and will take five or six days for them to count it.  I had this idea I would walk out with $244.00.  Nope.  But they were willing to put it in my savings account.  Just know if you were desperate, you couldn't get bills to use right away.

So what is my lesson?  Relax.  It isn't always going to work out.  You can't control everything.  Go with the flow when you can. Do things earlier rather than later so you might have time to fix the situation.  Believe me, you'll be a lot less stressed.  In my mind, that is the message of my mom's story below, though she sees it a little differently.

Here is another story my mom wrote.  It was in the late 1950's and she would have been no more than mid-thirty's.  Women's rights were rarely heard during that time.  My mom was very outspoken, probably that is why I am so outspoken.

Children are Communists

This is not the statement of a provocateur in order to bait Communists.  Nor am I trying to slur Communists in any way.  Why, Some of My Best Friends.  I am being strictly definitive about this.  (Even dialectical.) Children are Communists.  I would like to prove this.  

Take private property,  for instance.  Which they do.  Constantly.  Home many pens, combs and lipsticks that you have compulsively kept picked up (in your purse, locked in a filing cabinet safe and THEN in a locked room) could you ever find whole when you needed them.  None, of course.  It is never the lovely bottles marked with skull and crossbones I hopefully leave at a child's level in the medicine chest that is ever missing or needs locking up.  They are not that cooperative.  No.  The more pains you take to conceal the indispensable ingredients of a child's survival kit, the more quickly does he find it.

Trying to keep myself short of hysteria one day on this subject, I calmed down by thinking, "try to be reasonable, logical.  Do what Sherlock Holmes would do and put it in the most obvious place."   With this new implementation of reasoning power, I wanted to go out immediately and preach to the mothers of all the land: "Just be a Sherlock Holmes!"  I relaxed.

Sure enough, things improved immensely.  Oh, they still get ever lipstick and pen and comb all right.  But by leaving them right on the floor where they will end up anyway, the safe is unbroken, the doorknob lock still works, the file can still be used, my purse is not ruined and I am still in one piece.  In fact, I can only truly relax when the lipstick, pen and comb ARE missing in action.  Think of all the anxiety of waiting until they are gone that it saves.  

But they SHARE it.  That's the point.  EVERY child gets a turn at using the lipstick on the walls and library set.  Communists, of course.

They believe in social ownership of the means of production.  This explains of course why my typewriter keys are stuck together with Wil-hold Glue, why the shorthand machine paper I've been writing on the day before always shows some very inky hieroglyphics an adult would blush to have written and why my pen writes penmanship exercises all over my manuscripts, which is all right - it's the BLANK manuscript paper I object to their using - it's so handy for shopping lists.

This is not a very good quality picture, but here is one of my mom probably in her mid-thirties.

I just finished reading a book, Making Rounds with Oscar:  The Extraordinary Gift of an Ordinary Cat by David Dosa.  He is a Geriatrician  where part of his work takes him into a nursing home with people who have dementia.   What I liked about the book besides this great cat Oscar (I have two cats and they are so important to me), is the coming to terms with chronic and/or terminal illness and how hard it all is.  That if you can make a life with what you have and note the small victories and call on your support system, you'll do better than the ones who give up.  Oscar just accepted people where they were at.  He sat with them while they died.  He not only gave comfort to the dying, but also the families and the caregivers.  And, Dr. Dosa became more empathetic as a result of this work and exploring how Oscar was so well known in this nursing home.  The letting go by family is very difficult and is a most loving thing they can do as the person is in the active part of dying.  Good story.

I've just started another book recommended by my friend Cathy Seguine who is a social worker and a great one at that.  This book is called The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav.  He has been on the Oprah Winfrey show discussing this book.  I did not see it and I'll let you know about it after I've finished reading it.

Today, Sunday, Barbara Long and I went to see a movie shown at the Art and Spirituality Center called Babel.  I saw it when it first came out, but I think I saw more this time.  It all comes down to communication and different cultures.  I think The United States could work more on dealing with other cultures as an okay thing rather than seeing those who are not like us as the enemy.  It sparked a good conversation afterwards.  Barbara and I went to Rosa's for a good inexpensive Italian meal.

Okay, that's it this week.  I hope things are calmer next week.  See you next Sunday.    Rachel

Talking to Family and Friends

My great grandson is looking good!  I haven't seen him since the hospital, but I'm glad they do post pictures. He is a cutie! Here are two pictures at one week old.

This is the week of completing all the forms to get Kaiser Senior Advantage through my employer.  I don't think they make it particularly hard, but I think I do.  I forgot to send a copy of the Medicare card to my employer.  I called to find out if all was okay when I found out I had not done that.  So I sent that in.  Then I called Kaiser and found out they sent me a form to complete to do the transition.  Hopefully I have done that right.  I mailed it in and they will let me know in 10 to 12 working days if they got it all and send me my Senior Advantage Card.

I didn't work much on my drawing this week.  We are working on shapes within shapes in this six week period.  Now we are doing balls with cord or grapevines.  It is fascinating but I need to work on moving my hand so I get the curves right.  Our teacher Carol Bradshaw told us that two men should be joining us soon since they have been working very hard and are passing the other students in the beginner class.  I think this ends up encouraging us to do better.  She also commented that she felt our drawing was getting so much better that she felt we should be drawing on very good paper.  I think Wayne and I are not feeling as confident in ourselves as she has in us, but it does help to hear that someone feels you are doing pretty good.

This week I put a lot of emphasis on sorting through all the pictures I have and separating them to give mainly to family members, but also a couple of friends.   I think Billy, my grandson will want to share some of his heritage with Conner, so he is getting quite a few pictures. Since I was on a roll getting things done, I packed up the Wii and gave it to my grandson Devin since I haven't been using it.  He was very excited and maybe a little shocked to be getting so much "stuff".  Today on Easter, Shelley pulled out people pictures from albums I made and we pretty much threw out many of the scenery shots.  I have a lot of these already that maybe I would draw or paint later.  Shelley kept a couple of them to do later also.

My main television went out.  I ended up buying one from Costco.  They really are inexpensive if you don't need the latest style.  It is an improvement over what I had.  Had to have AT&T here to reprogram the remote, so now everything is working.  What I had weighed in around 200 pounds.  Quite amazing how light they are now.

My son Jeff and his wife stopped for a short time to visit on their way up north to spend Easter with family on Stephanie's side.  Wonderful catching up and hearing about their daughters' (Cassadie and Meghan) experience at Coachella, a newer style of Woodstock.  The girls are returning home for the summer in about three weeks.

I had dinner with a friend Susan who used to be my boss.  She works in hospice care.  She was the best boss I ever had.  I keep trying to figure out what it was, but it was a lot of things.  She was fair to everyone.  She explained things well and she had a wonderful sense of humor.  I looked forward to any meetings we had because it was like letting go of the bag of rocks.  It was revitalizing.  And, we had enough of these, that our group seemed on a high because of this.  She is getting certified to do sky diving.  I asked if this was on her "bucket list".  And she said, "Well, yes, I guess it is, but I hadn't thought of it that way".  She loves the sense of freedom as she is coming down.  I thought about some experiences I have had in the last ten years and have decided that I can't do these sort of things anymore.  When I tell people about them, they just become hilarious stories after the fact.  At the time, they were nerve wracking and also physically painful.  I don't have the strength I used to have.

I took some pictures to my friend Janet Seinturier.  We laughed about some experiences we had related to the pictures and I said that maybe there would be something worth sharing at my memorial service.  She called later in the evening concerned that something was happening that I wasn't sharing.  I told her "no", I'm not suicidal and I didn't think anyone was going to kill me.  She asked if I got news that my end was near.  I told her no and that if I got news like that I would share it with her and other people I am close to in my life.  I don't want to be alone in going through this and that was why I was encouraging others to talk about it too.  I said I knew that we each would eventually go through this alone, but that this alone experience was what everyone before us has done and what everyone after us would do.  I explained this to my son Jeff and his wife Stephanie and then today explained it to Shelley.  I would rather that we be open about it. That makes it easier for me and I hoped it would end up being that way for them.

In having these talks I find there are similarities as well as differences.  There is no way you would really know this unless you talked about it.  I appreciate knowing it both ways.  When I was a social worker in hospice I really became aware of the similarities we have in dealing with issues.  Of course there were differences, but we rarely talk about what is similar.  Since I had gone through much loss by the time I was working in hospice, and from what family members would share with me about their experiences, I was able to share this as I tried in my way to make people comfortable with me and in understanding what was likely to occur as they went through the grieving process.  Some people thought I had some inside information about them specifically.  I would tell them "no", but that these were human experiences.  It takes the pressure off people to find out they are not alone.

We had an Easter meal at my home.  Very basic, but tasty and always great company even as our group is shrinking.

One of my friends, Zona Gray-Blair asked me to share a story that my mom wrote about us kids as we were growing up.  Zona's family and my family were very close and we spent weekends together even though we lived one to two hours away from each other.  I'll let you know that I came from a very unorthodox family. So you probably did not have experiences like this, but they were funny.  Here is one story:

Excuse Me Neighbors, I Mean a Big Ant!

Rachel was cleaning up everything in the kitchen, as the kids will do sometimes go overboard and not stop till everything's done and they drop in their tracks.  So she had started the washer, the dishwasher, the dryer, mopped the floor, and, as an afterthought, she took off all her clothes and put them in the last load and finished cleaning up the last cupboards absolutely stripped.

Rachel had to keep ducking and reeling around the kitchen bent level at the waist, because, with the usual great forethought put into things, the cardboard-replaced broken window in the back door was shoved up to the top and the unbroken see-through pane was shoved down to the bottom.  You couldn't see them, but they could see an interesting part of you, particularly if you were a fully-formed female.

Rachel raced to scrub out the pan pantry under the sink so she could throw the rug in the washer before it emptied.  "oh," she screamed, "a big roach!"

Mom whispered in a shocked voice, 'Rachel!  The neighbors!" as Rachel jumped back from the pantry and skidded on the damp  floor, hurting herself.

Rachel lurched up naked into view to edit her last remark, as tears came to her eyes from her wounds, "Excuse me neighbors," she shouted at least as loudly as the first time she had spoken, 'I mean a big ant!"

So that's it for the week.  Hope you are doing well and talking with others you are close to.  Believe me, these talks are important and make a difference in the relationships we have.  Please share this blog if you feel others could benefit and I'll see you here next week.            Rachel

What Is Most Important To You?

This has been an interesting and a full week.  Conner Lane was born on Sunday.  My grandson Billy Lane called me asking me to come visit them while Meaghan was still in the hospital.  So I went.  I took my regular camera to get a few pictures.  What a handsome family!  And I know babies are just cute, but I think he was very cute!  There were a couple of problems.  Conner had a knot in his umbilical cord.  So far, they are not noting any problems.  And Meaghan had some serious bleeding for over an hour after delivery.  They both appear to be okay now.

Conner with daddy Billy

Conner with Great Grandmother Rachel

Mom Meaghan, Dad Billy and Conner 

Mom Meaghan and Conner

Conner sleeping through it all

Billy does not like the family picture feeling he looks "creepy".  I think they look great.  A friend of theirs stated it well.  "You both look like you are saying 'we done good'.    I felt that way.  Does anyone feel that it was a bad picture because of the look?  It was lovely and I need to make arrangements to get the other pictures to Billy.  My friend Lynn Repasky felt that with Great Grandmother and Great Grandson that it shows the circle of life.  That is true!

I tried out a new restaurant in town based on my friend Lisa Renich's recommendation.  It is called The Tofu House, Korean Barbecue.   What great food and it was reasonably priced.  They have many meat dishes, but they specialize in Tofu and they are very good at preparing it.  I suggested to the owner's son that maybe emphasizing the Tofu was losing a big part of the market.  Their food is healthy, lots of veggies with different sauces.  I just don't see many non-Asians in there.  (I've only been there twice).  I thought some people might be turned off by tofu in the name.  They won't change their name, but they will make sure to advertise the non-tofu dishes also.

The place I go for renewal and work on my art assignments has changed its name from Art for Healing to Art and Spirituality Center.  When I asked why,  I was told that they do more than art, which is true.  I spent time there working on my assignment for Carol Bradshaw's class at the Bakersfield Art Association.  The Art and Spirituality Center has the new schedule for sessions out.  I'm going to see what I want to do.

  We had taken a hiatus while Carol was healing from surgery.  It worked out well for me too with my surgery.  Wayne (my fellow student) and I have been pushing Carol for other types of work, but Carol wants us to be cautious and learn more basics so we will be more comfortable and have the basics to do other mediums as our skills improve. Wayne cautioned me to use a lighter hand in my art.  He is right.  He is very detailed in his artwork and his light hand allows him to do this. I worked on a dragonfly using a stippling technique from the last class we had before our break. In the mean time, I have been working on drawing my friend's (Barbara Long) dog Patti.  I still don't have her right, but I'm getting close. What we are working on in class are shapes within shapes.  That is tough.  Doing a nest with eggs this time.   Right now, my eggs look like potatoes.

My niece Shannon McDonnell has been working on paring down her belongings to 100 items.  What she has found in doing this is that she doesn't spend all day cleaning and putting this stuff away.  I kind of like the idea, but I'm not ready to do this.  I do believe I have too much "stuff"and that it becomes burdensome.  What my niece said is "I''m clearing my life of material things.  I do not want my children to stress over clearing out my stuff when I die so I'm limiting my life for me personally, not my family, to have only 100 things.  Makes life simple.  I really want nothing more."  What she has found is that cleaning takes minutes instead of hours.  That's appealing.  My mother had a thing about having only so much clothes.  She said for every item you buy, get rid of something.  I'm not as good as she was.  But, periodically, I do a sweep through the house to unload of things I'm not using.  I mentioned this to my friend Janet Seinturier that I had  storage unit.  I told her I hadn't been there since I put everything in there.  She told me to "toss it".  I'm not ready for that.   A lot of it is memories tied up in this.  

We went through the pictures of the Jerdin family and split them up for all the kids.  My daughter Shelley Schmitt helped in this.  Kayla Kline, one of my granddaughters and her friend Mariah came over to get the pictures, start a spaghetti meal and generally get the house in order.  They helped some with the pictures, but a person who recognizes more of what they are looking at is the next older generation.    I asked Shelley if she would also be willing to go through the pictures to determine which would work in my memorial service.  She was willing to do this.  I think it is easier to do when it isn't so stressful emotionally.  Anyway, it was fun reminiscing.So it turned out to be a pleasant time.  Didn't finish it, so will probably do some on Easter morning.  I got albums for all of them and gave them to Shelley to distribute when she is ready.  In the process of going through the pictures I found a collection of short stories my mother had written about us when we were kids.  I don't remember them now and look forward to reading them.  The first one had a catchy name, "You Be Jesus and I'll be God".  Wonder what game that was.  Shelley brought me beautiful flowers from her garden.  What a treat!

Because of what Shannon is doing, I was thinking about what is most important to me at this time.  Right now, I want to have "experiences" with my family and friends.  I figure if I need something, I can get it for myself.  I value their time with me more than anything else.  I think just getting older tends to get us to think more along this line.

When I was going through cancer the second time when Paul died, my focus was on getting control of my life.  I really felt out of control.  When things are going along with no trauma in your life, I think we think that we have more control of affairs around us.  When that trauma hits, it is a game changer.  I became aware of how much I don't control.  It is scary initially.  Finding a way to take some sort of control really does help.  Like I said initially, it was on diet.  I'm not sure if it is true or not, but I actually felt a heck of a lot better when I incorporated raw vegetables and fruit in my diet.  Later, I looked at avoiding meat.  I haven't completely succeeded here, but it is a dramatic change from how I used to eat.  Think of food as medicine.  If the fuel isn't good, you aren't going to get very far.  Anyway, I think it is worth looking at.  My friend Linda Harris Dial sent me a cookbook that I didn't have that was put together by the man who wrote The China Study, by T. Colin Campbell, PhD.  The book she sent me was The China Study Cookbook: Over 120 Whole Food, Plant-Based Recipes. We have talked about trying recipes out and sharing our experiences.  I do want to do that.    There was also this great suggestion in the blog Positively Positive on incorporating raw vegetables into your diet by Hayley Hobson.  I became aware that I was feeling soooo much better after three months of doing this.  Find out for yourself.

Incorporating More Raw Vegetables Into Your Diet

So where we are at in life will dictate to a major extent what you thing is most important.  There was a beautiful picture on the internet of an elderly woman's hand stroking a kitten.  She wanted to be known for being gentle.  You certainly get that sense from the picture.

So, where are you at?  What is most important to you at this time in your life?  We are all different and there is no right answer, but looking at this will tell you what you need to be working on.

I saw this cartoon Cyanide and Happiness that definitely looks at death differently than we usually do.  I like it because it shows that we are a part of something much bigger.  I'm okay with that.

That's what I have this week.  I hope you have a good week, and those who are celebrating Easter have a wonderful holiday!  See you next Sunday.  Thanks for reading and please share with others if you feel they would get something out of this.           Rachel

Finding a Purpose

CBS News Sunday Morning today had Steve Hartman interview Jon McAlpin a greeter at Methodist Estrabrook Cancer Center in Omaha Nebraska. He is a retired Firefighter who is a Greeter at the center who's style lifts people up. He is also a cancer patient who is receiving chemotherapy at the center. He has not always been so positive. When he found out, his plan was to commit suicide.  Then has doctor spoke to him convincing him that the end of his life didn't mean it had to be the end of the world. He has now found a purpose, a reason to live.

I think I had to find this also.  I believe that is what we all have to find, but when your life is threatened, it becomes even more important.  What we need to do to find purpose in this life will vary for each of us.  I found when I was first diagnosed in 2000 that all the little stuff was no longer important to me.  It sure became easier to speak up about issues, because I felt I had nothing else to lose.  What death does is put everything in perspective.  Initially I didn't want to talk with others about the idea of my death, except to take care of certain things, like the finances, in case I couldn't.  But the emotional part of this was too big for me.  I was crying all the time.  I drove my husband nuts because of it.  He couldn't handle it and buried himself in playing games on his computer.  I'm sure he just didn't have any idea as to what he could do to help me.

  Later, when I found my voice I explained that I really did understand that he couldn't fix what was going on and that the biggest thing he could do to help me was to give me a hug, to hold me. If he felt a need to cry it was okay with me.  He did start doing this and it helped our relationship a lot.  At work at a later time when I was working in a prison, a young psychiatrist told me to go to group therapy.  At the time I was so much into my own pain (when my husband died and my cancer came back as a stage IV), I explained I was hurting so much that I didn't want to hear about anyone else's pain.  I was too focused on mine.  He then agreed that maybe a group was not what I needed at that point.  Really, we are so selfish at the time our lives are in such turmoil.  This is not a judgement.  This is how I see it for myself, and, I'll guess for a lot of people.  We take up other people's time with our needs, and until we can put it in perspective, it is hard to stop this.  I think writing, talking and thinking about it helps us to process what is happening.  It has all become much easier as I do this.

This week was my Red Hat dinner.  We had it at a very nice Japanese restaurant Kan Pai, a little pricey, but very tasty food and a nice atmosphere.  My fellow Red Hat members met in the bar until our table was ready.  These women are very important to me.  They are warm and fun people.  They have been reading my blog and I've been encouraging them to talk about the subject of death and dying, living well before you die and planning.  Anyway, it was wonderful, we had such an open discussion then.  I loved it.  I probably would not have in the beginning of this, but I want to take away the fear of it and I think it has to be started by the one going through it.  I want more people to do this.  One of my friends in the group Claudia Milazzo took a picture of me at dinner.

The other interesting thing this week was spending time with my granddaughter Kayla Kline.  She helped me in cleaning a rented storage space I have.  It hasn't been touched in about 6 years.   It was covered in webs and very dusty.  The next move is to take the pictures and split them up for the family.  Kayla is going to help, but I am hoping other family members will want to do this with us.  I've offered to make a spaghetti dinner with a nice salad.  We'll spread them all out and divvy them up.  I think it could spur a wonderful conversation about times past.  We'll see.

Some external link I think are worth looking at are:

Salon.com by Mario Beauregard wrote an article about Near Death, Explained.  Having worked in a hospital and later in hospice care, these experiences did come up for some people.  This still doesn't explain it all, perhaps some day, but for me, it helps to take away some of the anxiety about dying.

Near Death, Explained

The next one is from a blog  written by the father of a boy who died at age eleven.  His blog is about the life of his son who died of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy.  This particular one is him grieving about the loss of this son and explaining to his other son that it was okay to grieve.  It is called Mitchell's Journey. This is the series, the particular one is called Okay, But Not Okay...And That's Okay.  Mitchell's Journey is all very touching and open.  I highly recommend it.

Mitchell's Journey

And finally, but not least is a good Op-Ed piece by Brad Stulberg (12/30/2013)  that was published in The Los Angeles Times entitled No One Wants to Talk About Death, But You Should Anyway.  More reasons to do an advanced directive.

No One Wants to Talk about Death, But You Should Anyway


I just got a call from my daughter Ronda who has found out that my grandson Billy Lane's (her son) girlfriend Meaghan Payne went into labor early this morning, so we should be hearing soon.  They expect to have a boy and have named him Conner.  So I'm about to become a great grandmother.  Hard for me to believe.

Well, thank you for reading and I hope you share this with people you think might benefit or be interested in it.  I'll see you next Sunday.          Rachel

Second Chemo

This week was more regular to me.  I did somethings, but stayed home more.  That seems to mean I didn't do much, but that isn't true.  It just was a different doing.  Last time I posted pictures of my patio, but you can't get the full flavor of the sound of water, chimes and birds.  I left my little kitchen table on the patio for now because it is easier to work at the table and I like it outside.  My family will come at Easter and I think the patio is the place to be.  Even if it is cool, the heater will make it comfortable.  This is a 1 1/2 minute video of my patio  This is the link to You Tube  I don't know what I did wrong, but if you click on it the video is listed and it will get you there.

My Patio - My Sacred Space

I had my last class with Norma Neil (I believe I messed her name when mentioned earlier).  Did another tree, but I included the plants around it, but left the building out behind it.  Norma said she would have other classes in May and June.  I hope to sign up for them.  I have found them to be very therapeutic.

I had a scary incident I believe on Tuesday night.  Around 3 am, there was a loud rap (3 of them) on my front door.  Very unnerving.  No one called out, so I can't imagine it was someone I knew.  No one said they were having any problem so I wouldn't answer the door.  It took me a while to calm down and go back to sleep.  I have an alarm now because a friend said that as single women we needed to protect ourselves. After that incident, I'm glad I did it.  I saw the next day there was a homicide one street over and up about 9 or 10 blocks.  No idea if they are related, but when something like this happens, it is hard to avoid seeing possible relationships.

After my art class, while driving home, Michelle Singletary who works for The Washington Post as the finance columnist spoke on Hear and Now an NPR program about preparing for your death.  Her mother was in the hospital hanging on to life after being in a horrific fire.  She was unconscious and her daughter was trying to take care of her affairs.  Her mother was uncomfortable doing this.  As a result, family had conflicts on what they should do and this has created even more stress than what they would be dealing with if it was only her health.  So I think it is important to get these things down and share them with people you trust.  By the way, it will not always be family, and that is okay.  Make sure you do an Advanced Directive.  This says who is going to make the health care decisions when you can't.  Talk to them about what you want also so they have a clear idea of what to do.  Hospitals have these forms, but you can download them from the internet.or buy at a local stationary store.  They cannot advise you as to what to get, but if you are comfortable with this, you'll find what you want.  If you have the money, the best idea is to see an attorney, because you also need to do a will - who will get what.  If you don't specifically state this, the state you live in will decide, AND, much of whatever assets you have can be eaten by attorneys fees rather than it doing to those you desire to have it.  You need to pick someone to be the executor of your estate.  This is the one who will be responsible to making sure that your wishes are followed.  Talk to them to make sure they are willing to take on this task.  Not all states recognize common law marriage.  California does not. Keep this in mind if this person is important to you and you want to protect them.  I have also taken care of most of my funeral expenses because Paul and I had not discussed this.  He was uncomfortable with this subject too.  It will not cover everything like obituary, flowers, someone speaking, etc.  But I have taken care of the most costly parts.  Financial Power of Attorney is for while you are still alive but not competent to take care of you bills, etc.  My bank would not accept this so I spoke with a friend and asked if she would be willing to play this role when the time came. She agreed and we went to the bank together and took care of this.  Now there is one thing I have not taken care of and that is a Letter of Instruction.  This states where everything is, what are the passwords to deal with whatever you have on line, what you want done at the funeral and who to contact and how to contact them.  My grandson Billy Lane was so worried about offending me by asking questions and I realized he would need to know and had a right to know.  So this is the task I have before me and I will be working on it.

I had the Herceptin on Friday morning.  I was told to take a Zyrtec and two Tylenol before coming in.  I did. I felt tired, but I don't think it was from lack of sleep.  My blood pressure rose a little.  I was going to go to Art for Healing to work on my art, but I laid down instead.  I also really got very cold and when I got under the covers it wouldn't warm me enough, so I climbed into a bath with bath salts.  My body warmed up and then i crawled back in bed.  Leaving the house was by my garage to go to dinner so I wore a coat thinking it was chilly.  It wasn't.

My good friend Janet Seinturier and I met for dinner at The Mark.  Very pleasant, the food was good, but it is a very, very loud place.  That is a little hard.  I had decided to use Valet parking because I have had more back issues this week.  As we are standing there, the band was playing some music and I was making "moves" to it.  A couple of young women eating outside (yes it was warm enough) started laughing at me.  I told them my kids were embarrassed by my dancing, but my grand kids were not.  I had a daughter-in-law take pictures when I was dancing to shame me when I would see them.  I told her I don't shame so easily. Dancing makes me feel good.

I picked up a couple of things I'd like to share.  One was "5 Regrets of the Dying".  It has to do with living while you are hear.  It's a good lesson.  It is from  lifebuzz.com.  It was compiled by Bronnie Ware while she was working in palliative care.

5 Regrets of the Dying

And the second one is an audio recording of a man interviewing doctors and their thoughts on end of life treatment.  I worked in hospitals for almost 17 years so I saw what happened to people and it definitely gives me pause in my thinking about having these things done to me.  It is worth listening to. I saw this on Upworthy.  Rollie Williams did the interviewing for Radiolab.

The Way Doctors Think About Death is Pretty Different From The Way Their Patients Do

I worked in hospitals for over 17 years as a social worker and responded to all codes (what they call it when someone stops breathing).  Most of these were rough on the patient.  I had decided I didn't want this.  Now I waffle on this, but I think there will come a time that I will say "no" again.  My role was support to family and friends and often times calling them when this happened if they weren't around.  Very tough.

Okay, I think that is enough.  I'll see you next Sunday.  Thanks for reading.  Rachel

Slower Week

This week has been a little slower for me, but I have to do that periodically to recharge.  One thing that I use as an excuse about not getting my home cleaned and straightened is that I have too much to do.  Perhaps, but I've been using that excuse this week and I can't keep going like that.  My step-mom Kate came on Friday and that is a real incentive to clean up,  Actually, every time I have something at my home, I do cleaning and straightening.  It's really good I'm not a complete hermit.  My patio is looking and sounding good.  It is my sacred space and where Kate and I spent the afternoon on Friday.  We had salads that I picked up from Trader Joe's and Kate brought fruit tarts.  There was the scent of the blossoms of citrus trees in the air.  My fountain and chimes were going, plus I had forest sounds, mostly birds coming out of a small speaker I hid.  This has taken a while to get it where it is, but I'll probably adjust things more to make it balanced.  Kate brought some beautiful Daffodils which we set up on the patio where we were.  We brought the table from the kitchen out for us each to work on our art work.

My Patio - fountain, chimes, heater for cool days and nights, soundscape of birds and other forest animals

I also met with my daughter Shelley.  I so enjoy spending time with her.  We went out for brunch and talked about family things, art and taking care of ourselves.  We will do Easter at my home because I think it would be pleasant on the patio even if it is cool because I have a heater which will knock off the chill.  I don't believe it will be too warm.  It is still early.  Shelley, Alyssa and I are going to do a weekend trip to Sacramento in the near future leaving early Friday and home by late Sunday.  No specifics yet, but she grew up there and needs to see where she lived, besides I like the area.  I'm sure there are other things we can do.

My granddaughter Kayla had asked if we would go to Jeff (my son)  and Stephanie's home around Easter. They are not sure they will be in town and their girls won't be coming back from college. The kids would really love to see the girls, so we will have to make another arrangement to see them.  Kayla and I went for a drive up Breckenridge Road.  I've always wanted to do it.  I had a writing class in the afternoon, but I completely lost all sense of time as we drove up that road.  It was all paved, though not always in great shape. It was beautiful and the air smelled great.  We came out south of Bodfish a small mountain town and stopped in Kernville for a late lunch before getting home.  We left in the morning and we got back about 4:30 pm.

I had my last class with Nina Landgraff at Bakersfield College.  She will be offering another class in the fall.  If it is the same time, I can do it.  Otherwise I won't be able to because my class with Carol Bradshaw at The Bakersfield Art Association is going to be from 1 to 4 pm.  Nina's course was 5 weeks long and we covered a lot of territory in that time.  The last class was drawing animals.  So I drew a lamb.  Very poor job, it has almost a human head.  I have the eyes forward and it's eyes are on the side of the head.
Then a drew an oryx and that one worked.

I received a couple 

I received a short video and an article which I felt reminded me of issues I dealt with when my parents and then when my husband died. I think saying the things you would like to say while they are alive is a lot better than fretting that you didn't after they died.  We don't do all the right things.  We are human and that is just what we do.  Our relationships with people also affect how much we are willing to share, but I feel so much better telling my dad that I could not have had a better dad.  He was there for me, he offered guidance and support and he was very gentle.  I was fortunate to have him.  My relationship with my mother was very strained and is another story, but I tried to the end to get her to see that I did love her and I wanted her to love me. But I did the most I could do, so I don't have guilt around what happened.  I really didn't want to believe my husband was dying and seemed to play down issues more than I wish I had.  It wouldn't have changed what I did, but maybe I would have been even closer to him at the end.  One thing though, it doesn't matter if you are real close or not.  It still hurts unless you have closed yourself off to feelings.

Here a son, Jason Rodas shares with his mother what she has meant to him.
http://m.wimp.com/finalmoments/


This is the article with what to consider when your loved one is dying, by Noah Michelson, published in the
Huffington Post
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4936843?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Thank you for reading these, and I hope you will share what you want to hear and what are your concerns.  I'll see you next Sunday at 9:00 pm.    Rachel

Having a Life

Since treatment is once every three weeks, I'm on break from it. There were no side effects having Herceptin.

                                     
                                       I still get questions about my vacation with my step mom

 

Kate to Japan in November.  I tried to set myself up to deal with my back pain to avoid pain. I bought a cane that can be a seat,  I took my Backjoy Relief, wore my back brace and had my pain medication. These will help IF you use them. A part of me was in denial that I needed help. When I went without these aids, I paid for it with limiting pain. I just had to stop. When I used them, I could go a lot longer and  do much more than without them.

I was struck by a few things different than Americans. They appear to be more oriented to the group than the individual.  Though this was different, there was much more cooperation than we might have here.
Kate and I were taking a public bus to go to a museum.  Kate said to get off at the exit we were stopped at.

The bus was jammed with people. We got on at the back of the bus and there was no way to walk to the front to pay. People were pushing against me to keep me from getting off. Finally they let me go. I got off and went to the front door to pay. I believe they thought I had no plans on paying. They have very little crime. They have police booths every couple of blocks in the city. They end up being very helpful in answering questions.   People were very generous in helping where they could.  When we went to breakfast in the hotels, they had lots of veggies in the morning. That is the opposite of how I eat. Not that there  were no veggies at lunch and dinner, but much less.   I loved their ceramics,  artwork and paper making. Though they have constructed homes similar to ours, they have homes using rice paper as walks and in some more remorse areas, there are roofs made with packed reeds.   They are minimalists when it comes to furnishings. In their homes. They looked like they were moving out or moving in. I think they would find my home overwhelming.

Their parks and gardens are really beautiful. Very artistic in how they used water and rocks as a part of  the view. Their toilets are so beyond what we have. They have controls on the side to heat, clean (like a bidet), some have blow drying, odor control and flushing water sound effects with volume control to cover bathroom sounds. In public bathrooms, the heated seats and sound effects were typical.   When it was very cold, those war seats were very appreciated.  When I got home I looked up what it would cost here. They ran from $5000 to $6000 not including installation which would require electricity to it.

Saw The Sixth Floor Trio through the Bakersfield Concert Series with a friend.  When they came out, they looked so young, but their performance was top notch. They played piano, clarinet and bassoon. The bassoon player also played the violin.  The style varied and had a lot of improvising.  They seemed to tie in "the peoples" music into sophisticated pieces. I highly recommend them. A real treat!  It seems to me most of the audience is older and I wonder if younger people will attend these. Now they will be older some day and perhaps it will appeal to them. They are great concerts a reasonable price, especially if you buy for the whole season.

I am back to attending more sessions at Art for Healing at Mercy Hospital. I went to one session where we made faces out of clay that will eventually be used on a wall. It will look great.  My face is the one on the left. Another session I attended was on drawing trees. Lead by Norma Peal. After some brief instruction we were led outside to draw a very old oak tree. I was completely overwhelmed and then decided what the heck. This is my drawing using charcoal and pastels below.  All our trees looked so different. Many people in this class are dealing with some issue. The process of doing art seems to help in letting go and reduce our stress levels.   I'm also going to the open studio offered two times a week where I work on my art assignments from  Nina Landgraff from The Levan Institute at Bakersfield College and with Carol Bradshaw at The Bakersfield Art Association. Nina's class ends next week (darn!). I will look for what she may offer in the fall. Carol has been out on medical for a few weeks. She'll be back mid-April. I need her push and support. She's a great teacher. What is very interesting is hearing how different people may present the same topic. There is a plus to hearing different views.  I love it all.

I went to Hart Park yesterday with my granddaughter Kayla Kline.  I'm working on a portrait of my friend Barbara Long's dog Patti.  I'm almost there.

Next week I want to share a connection of an article written by Noah Michelson "5 Things I Learned from Helping My Dad Die".  It is important because life is important and the death of someone close to us has a big impact on us.  Having lost my parents and my husband which I knew would happen really brings this out.  Of course other losses and are accidents, suicides and murders also have their effect.    I would like to talk about this.