How Do We Learn About Grieving?

When I used to work in hospice, I noticed that people had a lot in common. In our society we focus on how we are different.  There are pluses in differences. We are unique. But it can also make you feel alone. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was very frightened.  I focused on me going through this alone.  I couldn't imagine anyone else hurting like me. I really didn't want to hear about other people's experience.  I was completely self-absorbed.   As a result, I hurt a lot more than I had to. 

The problem with that was I missed a lot of support I needed. When I saw patients and families, they were sharing the same thoughts and feelings I was having.  As I noticed this, I would share what they had shared with me and what I saw. Then people would ask me how did I know that about them. I told them I didn't.  I felt like this and other people shared the same things I was feeling. It was a real eye opener for me. The more I shared, the more others shared with me. We had a lot in common.  That helped me to cope better.

As much as I would have liked me to be that insightful then, I don't think I could have been. I've become aware that the learning curve takes life experiences and then work. There are experiences we need to  have before we have that insight.   It was later when I was told there was nothing more that they could do that I looked at this differently.  I made myself think about my death, my dying.  Of course, many people saw this as negative and not helpful.  They were wrong.  It helped me break through the barrier of fear that kept me from living my life the way I wanted to.

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I got a knock on my door after seven in the evening.  I didn't have the front light on and the knock was loud.  I was nervous about checking but sometimes my kids and grandkids stop by.  I  turn on the outside light and look through the high window in the door.  There is my neighbor Dianne who helped me when I got locked out of my house in my pajamas.  She was locked out of her house.  No one else has a key and she put sticks in all the windows.  So she used the phone and called her handyman.  He came about ten minutes later.  I used the opportunity to give her my key and we talked outside (the weather was mild) because she wanted to watch for him.  Her husband died five years ago and she finds the holidays a bad time for her.  I told her I don't try to do it like I did before, but I also prefer the holidays to be over.  So we came full circle.  She helped me and I finally had a chance to help her.

This was my last week of occupational therapy. I learned a lot and I have improved.  It is not all better.  I have better mobility and less pain. My therapist Linda Mather said the other changes are slow going and I will note these moves  at the year and two year anniversary.  What I do understand finally is use it or lose it.  I will always have to deliberately exercise it or I will do much less.

So I'm dealing with a bill from Dignity Health, the same one as before.  Kaiser paid $15.14 of a $302.00 bill.  Being transferred to many departments and being placed on hold is time consuming.  Thank goodness for a phone I can carry around and the ability to put it on speaker phone.  I can also get on my computer while doing this.  We couldn't do this in the past.  It took 25 minutes to get to the person who told me what to do.  She said to photocopy the bill and send it to them and they will attempt to work out the problem of how Dignity Health bills me.  Each visit I am charged $10 (lucky me!) under my Kaiser plan.  It could take another month to see if this is worked out.

Our Red Hat dinner was held in the Belvedere Room at the Padre Hotel.  I always love meeting with this group.  We had a wonderful surprise in that Stephanie McGuffey came after a long absence.  She looked great and said she would be a regular again.  Stephanie used to be the head of a home health and hospice I worked for.  She later noted I liked red wine and offered to Paul and me to join her for a dinner group that met once a month at each other's homes.  That was fabulous.  The problem for me was after Paul died,  I couldn't handle being in a couples group.  It made me too aware of what I had lost.  Anyway, it was wonderful seeing her again.  She suggested we come to Tehachapi (in the mountains) for one of our dinners and have a sleep over at her home rather than driving back down the mountain.  I would love that.  I met with her and Pamela Beane after the dinner in the bar to do some catching up. What a wonderful evening!

My great-grandson is nine months old. It is fascinating watching him gain skills and figure things out. Lots of fun. He is a well loved kid and it is obvious by the look on his face. 

Happy Conner at Nine Months Old

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One mother who lost her child through a stillbirth submitted this to the The Grief Toolbox -   thegrieftoolbox.com/ .   She states the needs well of those of us who grieve.    Her loss is a stillbirth, which is as painful as all other losses. 

How to help a friend who is grieving.  

Submitted by  letterstoleia    

I am not one to reach out to people for help, ever.  I am the person people come to when they need help.  I’ve always been the go – to person.  Suddenly, I found myself at the other end and I could not ask for help.

There is so much you can do to help someone who has experienced a loss.  For me, delivering our daughter stillborn has been the most horrific thing I’ve ever faced

There were lots of people who did come forward, and surprised us.  We did get cards in the mail, flowers and gift cards.  A friend sent an angel with Leia’s birth month on it; another had a porcelain angel made in the likeness of her. These things mattered to us. 

I will never forget those people. To be honest, I remember thinking that more people should be with me.  There were no invites to suppers, no random stop in’s to check on us, no phone calls, and nobody brought food.  For some reason it had always been instilled in me to bring food when there was a death. 

Living in the age of social media, I guess is to blame.  It is easier to shoot off a text, tweet or Facebook message then to actually reach out in person.  Most of our friends and family doesn’t live here to be fair, but still.

I’ve never been one to mince words so I’m not going to start now.  If you want to help me (yes I still need help six months later), here are a few things you can do.  If you are reading this, and you have a friend/family member who is going through a tragedy of their own take notes.  People might not want to admit they need help. 

• Ask questions about the child or baby
• Send a card – flowers are nice but sometimes painful to watch them die
• Drop off food, groceries or a care package
• Buy them a gift – something that will remind them of the child/baby
• Never stop asking how they are.  Keep the emails, tweets, calls coming
• Ask them over for supper or lunch
• Give money – funerals are expensive (even baby one’s) - time off work means no pay either
• Remember the anniversary’s and holidays (especially Christmas – fathers/mother’s day)
• Don’t try to offer words of advice or compare your pet dying to their loss
• Invite them to the movies  or over for a movie night (maybe not right away but in the coming Months)
• Ask how the father is and mean it
• Never assume anything
• If there are other living children offer to take them out
• Listen!

You can reach her at letterstoleia@yahoo.com    She is the mother to Leia Sky "who was born sleeping October 6, 2011."  It started as an online journal for Leia.

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My granddaughter Cassadie is blogging about clothes for college students.  This is her last year at college.  I know she will do well!  Here is the link to her blog:

My Beautiful Granddaughter Cassadie Jerdin

Cassadie Jerdin in the College Fashionista Blog

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Today my friend Barbara and I are going to another Bakersfield Community Concert program and we will go to Rosa's afterwards.  The group is Harmonies Girl's Choir.  I don't know much about it but it has rave reviews as do all the programs the Bakersfield Community Concert series has.

That's it for the week.  Life is going well.  I hope the same for you and I will see you next Sunday.     Rachel

The Start of a New Year

So seeing everybody posting about the weather and the temperature where they live, maybe our weather was temperate, in a relative sort of way.

Kayla didn't get the books I got her at Christmas.  I found them in my trunk and let her know I had them. I suggested lunch at Loma Linda and while there, we decided to go to The Outlets at Tejon. We invited Devin, but he didn't have dry clothes to wear and was still in the shower when we went to pick him up.  We'll go another day when the weather is pleasant and will eat lunch there so Devin can join us then.    It had been raining all day and was in the high 30's to the low 40's.  Kayla wore a hoodie sweatshirt and refused to take an umbrella. I wore an oversized raincoat almost to my feet, heavy socks, a wool scarf, cap and umbrella - it shows you the difference in age. She looked cute, but was miserable. I looked substantial but was comfortably warm and dry. The rain stopped when we got back to Bakersfield. I don't know if there are any great deals at the outlets.   It was attractive, but we walked outside to go to each store. The cold rainy weather made an indoor mall seem much more appealing.  We saw a dusting of snow on the low foothills, but there was a traffic sign warning of snow on the summit. Since most of us Californians have little experience with driving in the snow, I was really glad we weren't going that way.

Shelley made me a beautiful picture (a stained glass look) for Christmas. It is beautiful. I put it on my back sliding door to the patio. I love it!   She used a black foam cutting it with an exacto knife and gluing the tissue paper on with rubber cement. 

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This picture was taken in the evening

This picture taken during the day

New Years Eve Day, I had chemo first thing in the morning. Afterwards,  I had Occupational Therapy. I bought a few snacks for the rest of the day and evening. I made myself an Irish Coffee. It seemed fitting with it being so cold, a low of 30 and a high of 45. I decided to read. I had gotten my granddaughter books she was interested in so I started The Maze Runner to understand what she was interested in. I settled into bed with layers of blankets, several pillows and my book. This is really appealing to me.   Lots of fireworks set off at midnight and/or maybe gunshots.   The gunshots are scary to me.   My kitties stayed on the bed and didn't get rattled from all the banging.  

I woke up New Years Day morning to Pepper cleaning one  spot on my scalp. When I thought she was about to remove skin I got up, made coffee and checked posts. As I looked down I realize my pajama top is on backwards. The back is at the front!  Who does this?!  It doesn't even feel right!  Then I remember a couple of months back ( so it isn't from eating), that my underwear felt sooo tight.  I'm thinking I have put on an incredible amount  of weight over night.  It turned out I was wearing my hipster underwear with one leg at the waist. No wonder it was too tight!  Ugh!  I know I've done things like this before, but I wonder if it is more often.  At least when I notice it, I know it isn't what should be!

So on New Years Day Barbara and I ate at the Kabob House on White Lane. They have many meat dishes, but we were wanting non-meat. We shared a plate of rice and grilled vegetables. We also got four appetizers -Dolmades, eggplant dip, hummus and cucumber with yoghurt and pita bread. It was more than enough though we both were quite hungry. They also had a Greek salad and another salad of tomatoes, cucumber and onion that we did not get. It was all DELICIOUS!  This is a Persian restaurant.  It was informal, tastier and healthier than any fast food by far. There is no alcohol. Don't let that stop you if you drink. Go to the bar at the Mexican restaurant next door afterwards or before. It was fabulous food. We didn't limit ourselves and it came to $25 for both of us. This was lunch. Dinner would be more expensive and the serving would be larger.   As we were leaving, we noted a new market called Fresh Foods International Marketplace.   It is a market that has some of the things that any market would have, but also foods that are not typical here.  Great bakery, fish and meat, fresh foods, frozen and canned of other nationalities.  Having traveled, I love this!  They have Turkish Delight!  You can find them on line at   www.freshfoodsmarkets.com    Here is the address, phone and hours.  The market was closed New Years Day.

4800 White Lane 
Bakersfield 
CA 93309 
Tel : (661) 836-8090
Store Hours : 7 Days a Week.9 am - 9 pm

We then went to The Maya and saw Wild. I loved it. Actually I was getting hysterical when our heroine was trying to put on her backpack which was really heavy. I could see me doing this.  It was hard to control laughing.  It finally broke through. I always think I need more than I do. My friend Barbara and I were laughing afterwards at the main character trying to light her stove and set up her tent. We had similar problems when we were camping. If language or sexual situations are a problem to see on the big screen, you may not like it.  She was responding to the loss of her mom and this three month hike was a coming to terms with the loss of her mom and thinking about what was important to her.  I don't think I would have been brave enough to do this hike as a woman alone (it's based on a true story).  But, I felt a connection because of her loss and coming to terms with it.  As Kate (my step-mom)  and I talked about it, unless someone has gone through this, they would not understand it the same way as actually going through it, though empathy goes a long way! 

I sent a text message to my brother-in-law Brian, my husband's brother, wishing him a happy birthday. He called back. It has been a long time since we spoke. So he will come for a weekend in February. I passed the word to local family. Maybe we'll do a barbecue.  I really look forward to seeing him. 

And, a young woman Ambure contacted me on Facebook. She wanted to know how we were related. I told her I was an in-law, married to her grandmother's brother. I gave her information on my memories of her grandmother and about my husband.  Brian said he would call her the next day. I let Shelley know so she could call Ambure also. 

Went to lunch with Barbara, Jacquie and her daughter Debra to Fresh Choice Noodle Bar. We all got different dishes and all of us loved what we got.  Then we saw Into The Woods. It was a good musical. Enjoyed it very much. I saw this musical done locally a few months ago at The Empty Space. That was very good too. 

I got a toy for my cats called Cat's Meow. This was the first day I had it up and they were quite curious about it.

Daisy and Pepper playing with the Cat's Meow

Though the holidays were fine, I'm glad they're over. I feel there is pressure to be happy. And though I really felt fine, I don't want the pressure.  What if I blow it?   I'm not sure what that would mean for me, but it is hard to know what people want and I also worry if it is enough.  Plus, I think it is too costly, though I do agree with giving books.  If we could just get together for a great meal and the company. That is what I like. 

Here is a  picture of my great-grandson Conner. He was just diagnosed with asthma. His parents were told this will be a life long issue for Conner.   This of course causes anxiety, but they have insurance and there is treatment available.

Conner has a great smile!

Barbara Long's mother died a year ago today.  I know anniversaries of the death of someone we love is painful.  The getting together with friends, lunch and movie helped yesterday.  I want her to know I'm thinking of her today.

That is it this week.  I'm reading about personal essays and sharing thoughts because I would like to do more of that and less of the diary.  Anyone have thoughts on this, I would appreciate it.  I will tell you that if I didn't do this as a blog, I would probably find excuses not to write.  I think the writing has been very helpful to me.  I would like to make it more helpful to you.  I'm also working on what I want to share at Helping One Woman on January 20th.  That will definitely be more about my thoughts about what I'm going through and what I have learned in going through this.  See you next Sunday.            Rachel

A Tough Time for a Lot of People

This week has been very nippy, but the sky is very blue. It is around eleven in the morning this Sunday and it is 39 degrees. I don't think of it being that cold when the sun is so bright. 

So on Monday I had Occupational Therapy. I have a little more range of motion. Next session is New Years Eve Day. 

For the rest of the day I made fudge. Three sets of books I got for my grandkids came from The United Kingdom and the other from Sweden. It was amazing that they came from so far away. Two of the sets gave me a huge window of delivery saying they could come as late as January 20.  so I had been trying to figure out what I'd do if it didn't come, so I was okay. 

On Tuesday I wrapped presents and got the items I wanted to make roasted vegetables and a green salad for Christmas at Shelley's home. That evening I went to a surprise birthday party for my grandson Billy at Rusty's Pizza. I gave them their Christmas presents to take home. 

Billy's birthday (with his son Conner) is Christmas Day but it is done earlier to celebrate his day

Conner loves to stand up

Christmas Day I finished my wrapping, got the food prepared that I was taking and took the fudge I made and wine to my daughter Shelley's home a little after 4 pm.  Dinner was ready a little after 5 pm.  An amazing accomplishment!  Her home was decorated very nicely.  Great snacks and dinner was fabulous. We opened presents before eating. Everyone had a great time. I had a couple of glasses of wine and was done for the evening. I got three of my grandkids books. I would like to do more of that, because I think reading is good for the soul. 

Crystal, Shelley, Kevin and me, Rachel

Sisters Shelley Schmitt and Jennifer Kline

Wes and Heather

Shelley and oldest daughter Alyssa

Wes, Heather, Alyssa, Jennifer and Devin

Kevin, Shelley and Heather

Kevin with mom Shelley

Heather had her 18th birthday on Saturday.  She graduated from high school when she was 16 1/2 years old.  She got loving wishes from the family and friends.

Heather with her dad Chris (acting silly)

On Saturday Barbara and I went to Chef's Choice for Thai food. Very good as usual. We walked around Eye and 19th Streets.  There is a new Sushi restaurant going in on 19th Street and The Bakersfield Art Association Center is moving around the corner to be on 19th Street also, by Kuka's and The Mark.  A very good move.  Not sure of the date, but the signs of the change are on the doors.

Barbara and I saw Annie at the Maya Theater. Very light weight, but neither of us wanted to see anything heavy. It worked well for us. Barbara's mom died last year and the holidays are a rough time.

My daughter Ronda prefers to do a Goth look in photos.  I prefer to see her smiling, so here is one with her niece Erin where they are playing around and also her Goth look.  She is pretty, I just like a smile and rarely see it in pictures.

                     

Erin and my daughter Ronda

Ronda with her Goth look, pretty but no smile!

So my great-grandson is now able to crawl, he also likes to stand, but he has to hold on to something.

Conner riding his horse

Conner with mom Meagan

Conner loves to Eat!

My grandson Devin, went Geocaching and actually found something!

Devin with his cousin Heather

Devin Found It!

Posts from friends who have had major losses share a sense of loneliness. One woman who lost her husband awhile back doesn't want to be around others while she feels so lonely. Having people around doesn't lessen this feeling for her. She would rather be alone. Another friend shares how when her parents were alive, they had enchiladas and tamales. They still do this but it doesn't taste quite the same and missing these key people in their celebration tones down the feelings they have had.

One thing I think of about dying is that we leave a little bit of ourselves with our contact with others.  I don't mean the biological connection.  I think we leave a mark that influences the next generation, so it is important to make memories and teach the next generation things we know that they wouldn't know without hearing it from someone who lived it. 

These tips are helpful to consider during the holidays. It is from The Grieving Tool Box:

Helping Yourself During the Holidays

The Light of Darkness

Christmas without a Loved One

How to Support Someone Going Through a Loss During the Holidays

So all these ideas are ones I have used at different times. I'm not exactly the same as I was before losing all these important people in my life. I had no choice, but I have grown a lot as a result of these losses.  Frankly, I'd be okay with being boring, but it was not to be!

A fascinating article in Salon.com (really interesting articles here!) on near death experiences and out of body experiences:

www.salon.com/2012/04/21/near_death_explained/

So that is it for the week.  I'm thinking of all of you and hope the holidays were okay for you.  If not, at least they are over which I really used to feel such relief about that.  I'll see you next Sunday.      Rachel

Wow, What A Wonderful Week!

So when weather reports show lots of rain coming to Bakersfield, it is not worth getting excited about. Skies looked like they would break again, but they didn't.  Here is a picture my daughter Shelley Jerdin Schmitt took after one of our recent rains. 

Rainbow over Bakersfield, taken by Shelley Schmitt

So Norma Neil had a somewhat "impromptu" art session at The Art for Healing Center where were brought food to supplement the soup she made.  That was a good idea.    It wasn't on the full schedule.  She showed us other mediums to use and special techniques.  I loved it but was done in because I had Occupational Therapy before it.  I was out and about for seven hours.  A little bit too much for me.  I need to bring a cot along with me!

I thought my friend Janet and I wouldn't be able to see the Holiday Lights at CALM (California Living Museum), but it held. Love this!  It is so magical!  Last year it was in Sunset Magazine as one of the 10 best holiday experiences in California. Now I just heard of another one that I understand started last year called Bakersfield Christmas Village. It is a little more expensive. I understand there is also ice skating there.  Perhaps I'll check it out next year. 

Holiday Lights at CALM by Janet Seinturier

My niece Shannon, her husband Patrick and their son Jordan were here this weekend. We went to the Holiday Lights at CALM. I loved it as much as the first time.   There were some sprinkles, but it stopped before we got in.  At my home they put up picture tiles on my patio and put the bird feeder in a tree.  With it on my patio before, I had bird doo everywhere! They gave me an owl with various scented oils. We are burning winter pine on the patio and have my sound effects of birds and my fountain going for the water effect. The outdoor heater is on. It is sooo wonderful right now!

Shannon and Patrick McDonnell

Shannon and Rachel

Holiday Lights by Shannon McDonnell

Holiday Lights by Shannon McDonnell

We went for brunch at Anita's on 178 meeting my daughter Shelley there. Delicious!

My Daughter Shelley Schmitt, Niece Shannon her husband Patrick McDonnell
and their son Jordan McDonnell

Then we went Geocaching.  Didn't know a thing about it, but it was worth it!  They picked two easy ones and we found them driving around town.  So much fun. It is an adventure. They are puzzles ranging from easy to hard.  You can download the application for android phones and iPhones. There are free ones. The one I got cost 9.99.  This is the official one connected to the web site.  It has a GPS and a compass. The rest of the family has now heard and is trying it out. Who would have known? Millions of people all over the world do this. 

The main website that will teach you about this is:

Geocaching

Jordan and I opening the first one at the Albertson Shopping Center

This one was in the parking lot at Albertsons near my home.

On the left is Wes Sandiford with my Granddaughter Heather Estes
and my Grandson Kevin Schmitt.  They are excited to find their
first in Geocaching.

So I have written down several tasks to get done in the next two weeks. First, if I write it down, I won't forget it and I am so much more likely to get them done. It is also satisfying to cross them off as I get them done. 

Here is a sentiment that fits for me and I think many others keep it in mind or share it.  It comes from HealingWell.com

It is chilly - much more like I expect it to feel at this time of year.   It is hard for me to find the right temperature in the house. I'm bundled up. 70 degrees feels like the cold is seeping in!  That seems so ridiculous!  I'm putting another layer on. 

Had lunch with Janet, Lisa and Charmaine at Sandrini's. It is an Italian and Basque Fusion. Very tasty food.  I've met Lisa ( who cuts my hair) and Charmaine (who does real estate) through Janet.  They are all locals.  I came here when I was 27. It is interesting to hear their stories. 

My great-grandson Conner is trying so hard to get up to a standing position. Not there yet, but close. 

Harvard Medical School puts put a newsletter and publishes papers on a variety of issues. This one had questions and answers about end of life  issues. I have had questions about this, so I figured others did too.

http://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/archive

In the December 18, 2014 issue, they talk about commonly held myths about end-of-life issues and about living wills.  It is free to subscribe to their email, but you don't have to subscribe to read them.

There is also a useful site called Grief Tool Box.  You might want to check it out.  I like it!

http://thegrieftoolbox.com/

So that is it for the week.  I liked it.  I hope yours is going well.  Christmas is around the corner.  I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas enjoys it.  I like it as a family gathering.  Happy Hanukkah for those who celebrate it.  Whatever is your celebration, enjoy it.  See you next Sunday.          Rachel

Storms Begin

So this last week didn't turn out to be as busy as scheduled. Sickness, conflicts and weather changed that, but I was okay with that. It added some nice down time.  

The Bakersfield Californian described our rain as Stormageddon.  Though it was a lot of wind rain for us and fairly steady rain, this seemed a little too dramatic for what we experienced. I understand more rain is expected but not as strong as we just had. Bakersfield does not have as good of a drainage system as many other areas, so it has no place to go but to flood streets.  I enjoyed our experience of rain.   We get so little.  We are getting the more typical weather for this area, a Tule fog. It comes from the ground. It is very dank and when you are in it, it seems to get in the bones. The fastest way for me to warm up is get in a hot bath, though I now have major difficulty getting in and out of a bath and now take showers. 

So as I told you on the last blog, Barbara and I saw Mark 209 brought in by the Bakersfield Community Concert Association. The December show is a Christmas show. Beautiful voices doing four part harmony. Each added a lot to the group. I was particularly impressed with the bass. He even did a little Papa Oom Mow Mow. His voice comes from the chest and I can feel it as he sings. Very sonorous. The association said attendance and patrons are steadily declining and if this didn't turn around, this program would have to end. It costs $80 a year for eight shows.  They are truly excellent.  It is an incredible bargain when you buy the series. If you buy two, you would have an extra to invite someone or if you are unable to attend, whoever you loan your ticket to would have one for a guest. Otherwise, I believe each show is $50 if you buy them individually.  Please people!  All you who live locally consider buying a pass or passes next year. When I can't go, I loan my card out to someone who can go, so it is not wasted. You'll be glad you did. 

Barbara and I went to Rosa's afterwards. Though the place was packed,we were able to be seated right away. I had the clams and fettuccini with garlic and olive oil (yum)!  Barbara has a pasta dish with a marinara sauce. She is vegan and also watches the fat she eats. She asked for less oil on her dish which they did. Very accommodating. Excellent food, and only a mile from my home!

I had two sessions with occupational therapy. She is showing me strength exercises. I now understand I will always need to exercise my fingers and wrist to keep them flexible. I also saw Dr. Wong. Both feel I have done very well. I told him I have known people who  returned to how they were before the injury. He said "They were much younger. It is not the same for older people."  My next appointment with him is in six months. 

A woman that my husband I worked with many years ago died. Margaret Smith worked in accounting at Memorial Hospital. When my mother died, she wrote the kindest note I had ever gotten. It was so sensitive and sweet. I was not really close to her, but my husband Paul was. Her sentiments were unexpected and meant a lot to me. When Paul and I had a home built and I decided to throw an open house party, Margaret offered to help me with the snacks. She was the accountant to the local Marie Callendars and was able to buy the crust to their pie. She showed me how to prepare many appetizers which ended up being a hit at the party. She was a very special woman. So at the memorial service and then afterwards at Marie Callendars where they had a private room, I saw people I hadn't seen since Paul's memorial service or since I had left Memorial Hospital. I exchanged phone numbers with two couples Carol and Jim and Pat with her husband Joe. Most people I didn't know, a few I recognized but no idea as to how, though I assume we worked together at Memorial  Hospital. I did recognize June but we have a very strained relationship though I'm not sure why.  Anyway, the two couples I did connect with agreed to lunch after the holidays. I look forward to that!

I went down to Los Angeles to see Kate.  We saw a play at the Music Center called Blithe Spirit by Noel Coward.  Angela Lansbury played an eccentric medium and clairvoyant. Her moves were hilarious. I've always seen her as a proper older woman. This was a little different. I recommend it. Lots of fun!  She looks soooo good!

Angela Lansbury

Get a little flavor of the play    -        Angela Lansbury in Blithe Spirit

We went to this popular Italian restaurant in Pasadena, Il Fornio. We hadn't been there in years and we were concerned if it would hold the same standards. It didn't disappoint. Very tasty. The next morning we had breakfast at Green Street. They have tasty food well prepared.

So Carol our art teacher will be back January 20th she thinks.  It still depends on how she does, but she is coming along.  I need her here so I work on my art.  I've been lazy, when it comes to my art, so I'll get going again.

My daughter Ronda posted some new pictures of herself.  She looks very good, I just wish she would smile, but she doesn't go for that type of picture.  I also like the short haircut.

My daughter Ronda Sheldon

Brothers Gavin and Conner (Conner is my great-grandson) playing:

https://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.sherran/posts/10204660368460542:1

So now I'm home again having a glass of wine while I finish this. Hope everyone is well and I'll see you next Sunday. 

Holiday Celebrations Begin

We finally got rain Tuesday!   What a nice change. Leaves are down because of the wind. I really like this. Since it has been so dry, it is a pleasant and much needed change. However, no rain for the rest of the week.

Linda Mather thinks I'm doing great in Occupational Therapy.  What I worry about is the pain in my index finger and the limits in movement in my wrist.  I want this to improve.  I was hoping she wouldn't end my therapy earlier than what has already been approved. So I did talk to her about it, but what I did find out is that I will always have to exercise this to keep movement in my hand. I was told the same thing about my back. I had this naive idea that I would just get back to before injury state and not have to exercise. NOT!  These things then become a part of my life. Oh, and she isn't ending my therapy early!

I went with my friend Barbara to a potluck fundraiser for the Audubon Society. I made a fruit salad and Barbara made a pasta dish with a homemade marinara sauce (delicious).   They had a silent auction and an auction caller for the other type of auction.  They had three items I would have liked.  One was a handmade quilt, the other two were tours by van through Tejon Ranch and through Wind Wolves Preserve each for several people. My friend and I bid on the tours, but it got way too expensive for us. But it was fun.   (I'm going to check out these tours because I would really love to do this with friends.)  They had never had such action in the past and everyone enjoyed it. I think they raised more money than they ever have. There were also students from Bakersfield High School who sang Christmas Carols. Lovely!

My Red Hat dinner was at the Hungry Hunter. We make our reservations way ahead of time and asked for this table in front of the fireplace where we do an exchange of Christmas ornaments. Well there was a large group of men at "our" table. In addition they put us at a table for eight, when there were nine of us and didn't respond to us when we pointed this out. Our leader Evelyn found a chair and made room next to her at the head of the table for the ninth person in our group. Though the food was good, the treatment was not. Our group will not go back there again. 

Me with my fellow Red Hatters Pamela and Vicki

We drew numbers to pick a present in order.  I got this Santa from Jo.  Love it!

So I saw my oncologist Dr. Tun this week before my chemotherapy.  Tests I had came out okay, but for some reason, I didn't get the test for the tumor marker. He said the next time I go in for blood work, this test will be done.   I did tell him about seeing a surgeon in Los Angeles who had asked me why I would overdose on calcium. I said to Dr. Tun, "why would I do this?"  So I had thought about what I had been doing and told him I have a lot of stomach pain and take Tums regularly.   He said "that would do it, since it is calcium".  He suggested I take Prilosec or Pepcid. He said to take Tums when this doesn't work. I told my nurse about this and she told me to contact my primary doctor about this. I told her I've had this problem for years and thought I was doing what I should do.  She made me promise to let my primary doctor know. I agreed to but said I wanted my vision checked by an ophthalmologist before I went for new glasses because I thought something was going on with my eyesight that might be more than glasses. I feel all these medical issues are getting a little ridiculous. Perhaps that is why she has suggested palliative care two years ago.  I'm waiting for a call back probably to see her first.  

I had a wonderful visit with my friend Janet. I told her I want to give a short speech at Helping One Woman (HOW) on what I have learned going through all this.  I like to bounce ideas off of Janet because she makes me think more.  My head is working on it, but she thought I needed to write some thoughts down because something very special might flit in and just as easily flit out. So true. I forget much when it isn't written down.  She also gave me a hook to hold my keys in my purse and a lighted pill holder. How ingenious!

My granddaughter Kayla and I went to lunch yesterday.  She wanted Mexican food, so we went to Mexicali's again (for me).  I could be in a rut here, because there are hundreds of Mexican restaurants, many of them excellent. When my brother Ben visits, he can't get enough Mexican food and he'd be willing to go for breakfast, lunch and dinner in Mexican restaurants. Connecticut has few Mexican restaurants and they don't taste like here.  We had a wonderful talk about books and reading. She wants to read the book before seeing the movie. She enjoys reading dystopias (some horrible event happens and how people try to deal with this new society.  I enjoyed our talk. It was very interesting.  I enjoyed Kayla very much.  I actually think this is the most conversation we have had at one time.  I told her that I hoped she and her friend would join me in June when I go to Martha's friends and family reunion.  She does want to go.  I hope I have no big issues going on then like last year (I broke my wrist and was in the hospital).

Today, my friend Barbara and I are going to a matinee performance of the Bakersfield Community Concert Association with Mark209 performing. They are influenced by country western music and sing hymns. They are from Nashville and do four-part harmony. There are lots of good reviews. We will also get dinner after the event.  We haven't decided where, but I want something different from Mexicali's.

So I have had plumbing issues that just continue to get worse. So I broke down and called someone to deal with this. I used Gundlach's Plumbing which said they could come out that day. Wonderful!  I really didn't expect that. I turned off the water to one toilet,  but I didn't clear out the cupboard under the sink to replace  the kitchen faucet which is also leaking.  There is always something to repair.  So he took all the stuff out and he put it all back. That was nice. The fill valve was broken and had to be replaced. Okay, it was not cheap. Each thing to repair has a flat rate charge, but it is all done and was done well. I wouldn't suggest buying a faucet at Lowe's or Home Depot unless you use their list of contractors or you are POSITIVE you can do the work yourself.  I certainly can't spend like this too often.  I did sign up for their Comfort Club which is $20 a month and they will come out twice a year to service the air conditioner, the heater and the water heater.  No other charges for this but all other charges will be reduced 15%.  

A 21st Century Faucet in a Circa 1950's Kitchen

My friend Janet gets the magazine Bakersfield Life.  In this month's edition there is a short article with mostly pictures entitled Deck The Zoo which is the California Living Museum's fundraiser Holiday Lights Extravaganza. Well Janet and I were there last year when this photographer went around taking pictures. He approached us to get our names and take our picture.  This is not the one, but another one.  We are a part of the scene in this one. I like it. So if you ever see the magazine, it is the smaller far right picture on page 139. Wonderful event by the way. It is beautiful and periodically the lights go to the music. It's very magical. Kids love it, but so do adults.

This is a a Picture of a Picture at CALM from Bakersfield Life, December 2014.
I'm on the right and Janet is on the left.
Much better picture if you can get the magazine
But, it is a wonderful shot of the lights you would see.

Here are the latest pictures of my great-grandson Conner. He has gotten his first tooth.  

There was this very cute picture of a little girl who looks like a future Red Hatter.  I saw it on Facebook.  The sentiment is right too!

So I hope you have a great week.  I'm going to be busy as usual.  I probably will have to take a break from my daily activities for the next big week, but I love it all and feel so fortunate I can still do these things.  See you next Sunday.                  Rachel